A Band of Christians

Feeling God's Glorious Love Clearly

2011-11-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Our sun is but a star
To which we're very near
Eight minutes isn't far
For the light to travel here.

There are other lights you view
That are shining in the night,
These stars are not as close to you
So you don't feel much of their light.

Our Father in Heaven is more glorious
Than any brilliant star.
As we repent he'll bless us
Though we may have strayed afar.

There is no warmth that comes from gold
We receive light as we pray.
If you feel his love for you is cold
It's likely you that's moved away.

The closer we move toward God
The more of his glory we'll see.
As we follow the path Jesus trod
We'll be happy eternally.

If this covered the whole matter
Of finding joy at home
Life would be a heaping platter
And this would be a tidy poem.

Yet the truth is there to view
Right around us all the time.
For some, no matter what they do
There's no reason and no rhyme.

When mental health is a concern
With brain chemistry out of whack.
People cannot quite discern
That there's nothing that they lack.

When depression is a part of life
Even when bathed in glorious light.
Some only see the pain and strife
As though it were as black as night.

Some people cannot be at peace
No matter what they've tried.
Yet some day that tragic pain will cease
And they'll feel his love inside.

The Savior understands our pain
If we think we lack God's love.
He showed that patience is not vain
For, we'll “feel clearly” up above.

Though right now we may not feel it.
Some day God will reveal it.

"As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen - a Book Review

2011-11-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Introduction
James Allen’s title As a Man Thinketh comes from a passage in the Old Testament in the King James Version of the Bible. Proverbs Chapter 23:7, "Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye, neither desire thou his dainty meats: For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee. The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words."
Allen’s message in As a Man Thinketh (even considering the false ideas that are mixed in at times) are, in my opinion, some of the finest and most motivating words ever crafted on the subject of personal responsibility. Unfortunately the false ideas could, in my opinion, also lead to spiritually and mentally unhealthy convictions.

Main Ideas of the book
The following ideas are truths that I plan to use on a personal level for the rest of my life as I strive to find enduring peace and happiness. I also want to share these wonderful thoughts with as many other people as I can.
Because of James Allen’s intelligent and concise wording, I find his ideas very, very difficult to summarize. I would usually paraphrase the main ideas when doing a book review, however, in most books that I have read there is a fair amount of wordiness that needs to be reduced and so it is easy to summarize the ideas. In my experience this is not really the case with the message of James Allen in his Book As a Man Thinketh. I have therefore simply typed up the quotes and added occasional comments where appropriate.
Beautiful and True Main Ideas from As a Man Thinketh by James Allen.
“But to think well of all, to be cheerful with all, to patiently learn to find the good in all - such unselfish thoughts are the very portals of heaven; and to dwell day by day in thoughts of peace toward every creature will bring abounding peace to their possessor.” (Allen, 1902).

“The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart – this you will build your life by, this you will become.” (Allen, 1902).

I love the quote that Allen included from Stanton Kirkham Davis as follows: “You may be. . . (doing a mundane job). . . but one day find yourself before an audience and then and there pour out the torrent of your inspiration. You shall lay down the saw and the plane and take upon yourself the regeneration of the world.” (Allen, 1902).

“The more tranquil a person becomes the more people reverence their spiritual strength, the greater their success, their influence, their power for good.” (Allen, 1902).

“THE aphorism, "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he," not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” (Allen, 1902).

“You cannot travel within and stand still without.” (Allen, 1902).

“ Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits; thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry.” (Allen, 1902).

“. . . cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things.” (Allen, 1902).

“Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.” (Allen, 1902).

“Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” (Allen, 1902).

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” (Allen, 1902).

“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.” (Allen, 1902).

“Mind is the Master power that moulds and makes,
And Man is Mind, and evermore he takes
The tool of Thought, and, shaping what he wills,
Brings forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills: —
He thinks in secret, and it comes to pass:
Environment is but his looking-glass.” (Allen, 1902).

“Blessedness, not material possessions, is the measure of right thought; wretchedness, not lack of material possessions, is the measure of wrong thought. A man may be cursed and rich; he may be blessed and poor.” (Allen, 1902).

“Law, not confusion, is the dominating principle in the universe; justice, not injustice, is the soul and substance of life; and righteousness, not corruption, is the molding and moving force in the spiritual government of the world. This being so, man has but to right himself to find that the universe is right; and during the process of putting himself right he will find that as he alters his thoughts towards things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.” (Allen, 1902).

“Cherish your visions. Cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment, of these, if you but remain true to them your world will at last be built.” (Allen, 1902).

“Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought.” (Allen, 1902).

“Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves.” (Allen, 1902).

“As the physically weak man can make himself strong by careful and patient training, so the man of weak thoughts, can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.” (Allen, 1902).

“Calmness is power. Say unto your heart, ‘Peace, be still!’” (Allen, 1902). This is a very good stress management thought, it sounds like an excellent mantra for meditation!

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. . . The strong, calm man is always loved and revered. He is like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land. . .” (Allen, 1902).

“A noble and Godlike Character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort in right thinking. The effect of long-cherished association with God-like thoughts.” (Allen, 1902).

“. . . Man is the causer (though nearly always is unconsciously) of his circumstances. . . whilst aiming at a good end, he is continually frustrating its accomplishment by encouraging thoughts and desires which cannot possibly harmonize with that end.” (Allen, 1902).

“. . . a man's entire soul-condition. . . cannot be judged by another from the external aspect of his life alone.” (Allen, 1902).

“Aimlessness is a vice, and such drifting must not continue for him who would steer clear of catastrophe and destruction.” (Allen, 1902).
Paraphrase of Allen’s words, “The strength of character gained is the measure of our true success.”
Paraphrase of Allen’s words, “Let us fix our thoughts upon the faultless performance of our duty, no matter how insignificant the task may appear to be. In this way our thoughts can be gathered and focused and resolution and energy can be developed.”
“Strength can only be developed by effort and practice.” (Allen, 1902).
“Failure is one of the many pathways to attainment.” (Allen, 1902).
“Think strongly, attempt fearlessly, and accomplish masterfully.” (Allen, 1902).
“Having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight path to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor to the left.” (Allen, 1902).
“He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure.” (Allen, 1902).
“Thought allied fearlessly to purpose becomes creative force. . . (and enables a person to) become the conscious and intelligent wielder of his mental powers.” (Allen, 1902). I am not sure exactly what that means but it is worded so beautifully that it seems like poetry.

How the author approaches spiritual health
In this book review I want to focus mostly on the idea of Spiritual Health and the religious implications of Allen’s message as it compares to the doctrines found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
“The ‘divinity that shapes our ends’ is in ourselves; it is our very self.” (Allen, 1902). Is Allen saying that there is no God but our own self?
“There is a great law which is absolutely just, which cannot give good for evil or evil for good.” (That part of Allen’s writing is true. In the words of Jesus Christ, “Men cannot gather figs of thistles.”) This next part however is not true and in my opinion illustrates a situation where the words of scripture are being mixed with the false ideas of man, Allen follows the previous (paraphrased) message up with the next (paraphrased) idea, “With this knowledge we can look back on our past ignorance and blindness and know that our life is and always was justly ordered.” This life is not fair or justly ordered because some people use their freewill to harm and damage other people. It is in those times when God suspends the justly ordered part and allows innocent people, even with the purest thoughts, to suffer terribly. Only when this life is examined along with the next life does everything come out in a just way. In other words when Allen says, “Into your hands will be placed the exact results of your own thoughts” he needs to add something like – But not until you get to the next life.
It is hard to imagine in a way that Allen’s words were only published in 1902. As we read the Bible in the Book of Job in the Old Testament, It seems that Jobs friends were students of Joseph Allen’s ideas as they indicate that Job must have done something wrong and sinful to have caused him to suffer so many unfortunate events in his life. Of course the voice of God chastens Jobs friends and refutes these false ideas.
At the end of his book As a Man Thinketh, James Allen alludes to the moment of alarm recorded in the New Testament, where the disciples panic during a storm and wake Jesus to plead for help. In this story Jesus takes pity on them and calms the storm.
“Tempest-tossed souls, wherever ye may be, under whatsoever conditions ye may live, know this in the ocean of life the isles of Blessedness are smiling, and the sunny shore of your ideal awaits your coming. Keep your hand firmly upon the helm of thought. In the bark of your soul reclines the commanding Master; He does but sleep: wake Him. Self-control is strength; Right Thought is mastery.” (Allen, 1902). Notice in his conclusion, in Allen’s reference to this story of Jesus calming the storm from the New Testament he seems to be asserting that we do not need the help of Jesus to calm the storm. He is saying that we alone have the power to control the wind and the waves; that we need only awaken our inner thoughts to calm the storm. Perhaps this is true to some degree in reference to the calming of an internal emotional storm, (Unless we need medication in order to alter the chemistry of the brain to make such a calming possible,) however, physical storms are more difficult to control with only the power of positive thinking. Perhaps if we have enough faith this is possible, however it is my belief that we still need God in every circumstance in which we use the power of God as is illustrated in the following poem that I wrote.)

With Many Tears and No Regrets
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet
Rising up high, with black, terrible power,
I see a storm forming, to give earth a shower.

Violent clouds boil right down toward me,
Bringing darkness so thick that I cannot see.

A storm fulfills its violent threats,
With many tears and no regrets.

There is no safe, dry place to hide,
When lightening strikes you from inside.

With a rush of noise and fear,
The raging flood is drawing near.

It smells of rotten leaves and pain,
The ugly power of beautiful rain.

This angry water from the sky,
Was once small droplets, miles high.

It now has gathered, fierce and cold,
To let its hate and wrath unfold.

In this world, there’s destruction and woe,
There's also a lesson each person should know.

God sends forth the rain on both evil and just.
And he also tries our patience and trust.

Yet, even this storm, that hides the sky,
Which glares at me, and bids me die,

Can also be stopped if it be our God’s will,
When Jesus says to the water, “Be Still.”

Perhaps some religionists spend a little too much time reading and pondering the writings of James Allen, such a course would certainly bring about the death of the doctrine of grace.
Allen says that, “A man’s weakness and strength, purity and impurity are his own and can only be altered by himself, never by another.” If this were entirely true there would be no chance of being “made perfect by the grace of Christ.”
While a man must use his agency to open the door to the grace of Jesus, it can be argued that without the help of Jesus he could never achieve perfection. Thus Allen’s words, “The human will, that force unseen, the offspring of a deathless soul, can hew a way to any goal, though walls of granite intervene,” is not entirely true of the spiritual journey to perfection. We need the power Jesus supplies in to overcome death and be able to live again as a being with the capacity to receive a fullness of joy. (Which requires both a spirit and a perfected and resurrected body – as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe. LDS people believe further that this part of salvation, the salvation of our physical bodies, will be a free gift to all who have ever lived upon the earth.)
James is correct in his assertion that Gold is not benefited any further by additional heating after the dross is burned away. However, men and the living God are not made of Gold. Jesus, though he was perfectly pure in thought, gained additional understanding and empathy about how to help those who are suffering because of the suffering he endured in the garden of Gethsemane. Similarly, men can gain greater compassion and sensitivity about the things that other people experience as they suffer even though pure and undeserving of punishment.
I wrote the following poem to illustrate this idea

Suffering
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There is a law to follow,
With a punishment affixed.
There’s poison you can swallow,
Though with truth it may be mixed.

If we break the rules in life,
While knowing what is right,
We find sorrow, guilt, and strife,
And weep through lonely night.

Yet, suffering comes to everyone,
Resulting from the fall.
We conquer this through God’s own son,
Who has endured it all.

The devil wants to cloud our mind,
So we'll think God’s love is lacking.
He distracts us from the perfect plan.
As his demons are attacking.

Remember the message that has been sent,
While sin does bring grief and sorrow,
All suffering is not punishment,
And, in God’s time, gets fixed tomorrow.

As the poem I wrote about suffering says, “All suffering is not punishment” for inner failings, some calamities have nothing to do with our character and everything to do with either the character of others or the fact that we live in a world that is unfair because it is a fallen and flawed world (This was caused by the temptations of the devil and the choices of Adam and Eve – as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe. Because of this reality we should not hold God accountable for the current state of the world or the evil that takes place in it.)

Why I chose the book
My father read As a Man Thinketh by James Allen as he was entering adulthood. He recommended it highly to me and that is why I chose to read it. My father really took the following passage from this book to heart during his 34 year teaching career, “In the light of this truth, what, then, is the meaning of "fighting against circumstances?" It means that a man is continually revolting against an effect without, while all the time he is nourishing and preserving its cause in his heart. That cause may take the form of a conscious vice or an unconscious weakness; but whatever it is, it stubbornly retards the efforts of its possessor, and thus calls aloud for remedy.” (Allen, 1902). My father would frequently ask himself, “Am I the cause of this problem in my classroom?” He said that it helped him a great deal in trying to be a good teacher.
I enjoyed reading As a Man Thinketh so much that I also examined commentary on the life of James Allen as well as a selected compilation of Allen’s other writings, by James H. Fedor. Fedor said of Allen, “James Allen . . . although removed (from me) by almost a century and the worlds that may lay between them, has nonetheless guided and shaped. . . (my) life. . .he led a quiet but productive life of medication and reflection. Allen drank deeply from the wisdom of the Bible but also gained much enlightenment from the Holy Books of the Far East. From his hours of study, personal meditation at the seaside, and his favorite pastime, gardening, Allen’s mind was fertile ground for a life of the spirit. As a Man Thinketh has been considered by many to be the ‘Grand Daddy’ of modern inspirational literature. It would be difficult. . . to determine how many people have been touched by this one book. . . conservative attempts to determine how many volumes have been sold number into the millions.”

Information that I learned
As a Man Thinketh by James Allen does not take into account genetic inheritance or physical disease and thus over-generalizes the source of all of the challenges and joys in life. James also alludes to Christian teaching while at the same time assaulting it at its most basic level. When James asserts that we are the only source of our condition and that it is all up to us he omits the Christian principle of the Grace of Jesus Christ (God’s divine help) from human relevance. This sets his readers up for frustration and ultimate failure. We do not build our heavenly mansions alone. We need Jesus to “prepare a place” for us in the “mansions of his Father.” Now it is “all up to us” in the sense that we must accept the Grace of Jesus Christ. However as we seek for knowledge all answers cannot be found within ourselves unless they are first transmitted into our soul through the power of the Holy Ghost.
Allen at times writes in long run-on sentences. Could it be that Allen focused so intensively on an idea, while accessing from his memory a great multitude of memorized things that his sentences need to be longer just to hold all of the ideas or were his ideas just fed to him one by one from his inspiration and genius? Did Allen simply keep thinking about ideas where most other men stopped and put a period?
Allen says, “Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results.” In the case of our genetic inheritance we did not have the capacity to think at all as the process of forming our body started. The sperm and egg do not have the ability to reason because there aren’t any brain cells formed until some time after they unite. Therefore, our genetic inheritance could not have been a conscious choice on the part of any person in their own behalf.

Ideas I thought were interesting
When Allen says, “Composer, sculptor, painter, poet, prophet, sage, these are the makers of the after-world, the architects of heaven.” It sounds a little bit like new-age religion. Unfortunately Allen is wrong once again when he writes these beautiful but, in my opinion, misguided words. To illustrate this point, let us examine the following question, “Where is Heaven?” There is a religious shift in this world away from “traditional authoritarian religion.” Adherents of these new “conglomerate religions” pick and choose from every religion and accept and practice their own customized form of worship. However, this practice can never work for the doctrines or truths concerning the life following this one.
If believers could create their own customized heaven or existence after this life, it could never be truly granted for each member of these conglomerate religions unless the future heaven imagined by one believer did not include those friends and family who had created an entirely different kind of heaven (though their customized beliefs) for themselves. After all, which heaven would be granted and how would God decide which believers would be forced to forever endure a particular heaven so as to complete the expectation that family and friends would be present to provide good company for the individual.
The empty heaven that this system would require would be no heaven at all. Even if you created a heaven where you could populate it with fake imaginary people, wouldn’t you always know that they were merely robots that lacked free-will? The truth about the future heavens that the children of God will inherit, as well as the requirements for those who desire to reach the highest heaven must be consistent and emanate from our universal Father in Heaven. Our life after this one has a definite appointed destination, which is determined by what we do here on this earth. Therefore, it is very important that we find the truth about God and his plan and embrace it fully. It is understandable that Conglomerate religions can indeed be appealing, after all, you can pick and choose which commandments of God you will be required to follow. It is very convenient to leave out the ones that cause you any challenge or difficulty in following. After all, you still have your personal assurance that you will still arrive in your idea of heaven after this life.
Being a member of a specific denomination does not, in and of itself, guarantee that we are not really a member of a conglomerate religious practice. If we incorporate only some of the commandments of God in our lives and then spend the rest of our time worshiping the idols of consumerism and evil pleasure, we are no better off than those who claim no denomination. The key is to find the truth about God and the truth about the way things will be after this life and then to do all things that God has commanded us, through the divine help that God can give us in following his ways.

The audience to which the author is writing
I believe that James Allen’s motives were pure as he wrote this work. Allen taught that, “Life is a combination of habits, some baneful, some beneficent, all of which take their rise in the one habit of thinking. The thought makes the man, therefore right-thinking is the most important thing in life. The essential difference between a wise man and a fool is that the wise man controls his thinking, the fool is controlled by it . . . He who controls himself, controls his life, and wherever he goes he carries his happiness with him as an abiding possession. I believe that James Allen created this work in an effort to increase the happiness and success of humanity.
Why are Allen’s thoughts so attractive and compelling? Is it not because it simplifies the condition of man allowing those who are prosperous, healthy and of a stout moral fiber to believe firmly that all who are diseased and unhappy must be somehow to blame for their condition? This simplistic view is attractive because it excuses its possessor from any responsibility in alleviating the “suffering” that the universe is dealing out so fairly and justly and automatically to all who reside within it.
Allen’s ideas that, “a strong man cannot help a weaker unless that weaker is willing to be helped, (and even then the weak man must become strong all on his own without any help from God,) he must, by his own efforts, develop the strength which he admires in another. None but himself can alter his condition.” Here Allen seems to indicate that it is futile to help those who are weak, so why even try.
The true reality is that even if I give a hungry man a crust of bread from my garbage can, before the city workers haul it to the dump, I have helped him and altered his condition. Even if he refuses to eat it, he knows that someone cared enough to toss the morsel in his direction. Further more, my compassionate act may be the source of inspiration which opens the internal path for God to work a change on this man even while he is not capable of achieving such a change on his own.
In certain passages of As a Man Thinketh one may wonder very briefly if this is a work is a message for the aristocracy, targeted for the group who, after all, has the most purchasing power, written for those who wish to sit upon their thrones of high achievement, blessedness and influence and congratulate themselves upon their great and harmonious relationship with the universe which has resulted of course solely from their purity of thought.
Let us feel sincere pity for the person who is acquainted with privilege and wealth and power and reads and believes every word of James Allen. If a reversal of wealth or health, through no fault of their own, should come upon them. For they may be tortured with the persistent belief that there were always voices whispering just out of ear shot, “Did you hear about so-and-so I wonder what bestial thoughts they were secretly entertaining to have brought upon themselves such a tragic fate? Well, look at that, Allen was right - it is just a matter of time until what we love most brings us either great happiness or if we love impure thoughts, to loneliness, poverty and disease.” I would think that having espoused the beliefs set forth by Allen, that they would then suffer depression of the worst kind as they fought off thoughts about their being the only weak person of all their acquaintance that was playing discordant and unharmonious notes in the blessed symphony of high society.

How you have changed after reading the book
Whenever we receive new information, we must choose whether to assimilate or reject the information. In the case of this book, it has taken me a great deal of time to go through this process. Part of the reason that I originally chose this book, I am ashamed to admit, is because it was brief. However, I have been on a profound (and, in a good way, a somewhat time consuming) journey to separate out this message into the appropriate categories. One of the more difficult parts of this process, is that there were many parts that I wanted to be true but had to ultimately reject.

If you would, or would not recommend this book to others, and why or why not
After reading this book I’ve decided that I have a love-dislike relationship with the Book. I absolutely love the parts that are beautiful and true. I dislike the parts that are beautiful and false. It is my belief however, that we do not have the direct writings of the only perfect person who lived on this earth (though it is likely that he did write some words during his mortal life and most certainly did write upon the stone tablets with his finger as the God of Israel (as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe) at Mount Sinai of course, these tablets had to be re-created by Moses after he threw the original ones to the ground and shattered them. Because we do not have the written words from a perfect person we cannot lightly accept every word from an author as being automatically true. We must instead weigh each word and choose to believe only those words which are indeed true.
Because I feel this way, I would gladly recommend the words of James Allen to any reader with the confidence they could benefit greatly by the portion of his beautiful message that is true. At the same time, I believe that critical thinking is not the same thing as cynicism. I believe that more enlightenment has been accomplished in this world through childlike and simple faith that through the combined efforts at research and scholarship down through the ages.
I believe further that many things are believed, not because they are true but because they are motivating. I believe that this is case with many of Allen’s assertions.

Any other appropriate and interesting things you might feel inspired to include

Alluring, yet false, Main Ideas from As a Man Thinketh by James Allen.
“Not what he wishes and prays for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only gratified and answered when they harmonize with his thoughts and actions.”
“. . .This does not mean that a man's circumstances at any given time are an indication of his entire character. . .” (Allen, 1902). Allen does admit here that there are exceptions to his sweeping generalizations.
While it is true that, “Spiritual achievements are the consummation of holy aspirations. (And that) he who lives constantly in the conception of noble and lofty thoughts, who dwells upon all that is pure and unselfish, will, as surely as the sun reaches its Zenith, and the moon its full, become wise and noble in character, and rise into a position of influence and blessedness.” Allen fails to point out that this ascension to blessedness may not occur until after death. Jesus was an example of this. He was mistreated and pursued until he was tortured and killed.
The biggest example (In my opinion) of where James Allen is completely and totally wrong is found in the passage where he says, “Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the law of his being. The sole and supreme use of suffering is to purify, to burn out all that is useless and impure. There could be no object in burning gold after the dross had been removed, and a perfectly pure and enlightened being could not suffer.”
If someone really believed this then they may end up thinking that unless life is perfect that God must be angry at them and is punishing them. It is interesting to note in the life of James Allen that his book As a Man Thinketh is the only book out of the 19 other books that he wrote that had enduring popularity as a separate volume.
As we examine his other works we see some dangerously inaccurate doctrine even more clearly. Allen seeks to attribute every outcome in life to the attitude and inner dialogue of each thinker of thoughts. A few days of experimentation are sufficient for a person to easily disprove this doctrine. Allen was influenced by Biblical teaching but apparently did not in my opinion believe the most important things that the New Testament teaches. The New Testament clearly teaches throughout its pages that Jesus Christ was perfect and always had perfect thoughts. As we consider the doctrines that James Allen taught we would need to come to the conclusion that because Jesus had to endure terrible circumstances and suffer greatly that he must have had secret impure thoughts which led to his problems. The gentle reader may feel that I am being overly critical, however, let us listen to the words of Allen himself on this matter. In chapter 10 of his book Above Life’s Turmoil Allen stated, “Every impure and selfish thought that you send out comes back to you in your circumstances in some form of suffering; every pure and unselfish thought returns to you in some form of blessedness. Your circumstances are effects of which the cause is inward and invisible.” I believe that this is a dangerous and a false belief if we understand it in the comprehensive and universal way that Allen intended it. Allen said further that, “If your dominant mental attitude is peacable and lovable, bliss and blessedness will follow you; if it is resistant and hateful, trouble and distress will cloud your pathway, out of ill-will will come grief and disaster. Out of good will, healing and reparation.” Jesus is such a good example of the truth in this matter. Jesus was perfect and yet he suffered and was put to death. However, after his mortal life was over all of his losses were made up to him when he was resurrected and received the reward that his Father in Heaven had for him.
In As a Man Thinketh Allen also said, “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors, that which it loves, and also that which it fears. It reaches the height of its cherished aspirations. It falls to the level of its unchastened desires - and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.” (Allen, 1902). I believe this is only true if you look beyond the circumstances of this life.

I Will Marry in the Temple

2011-06-09T11:47:00.001-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Well, I've been lonely lately,
And it's a bitter pill.
Must I wait until I'm married?
If you want me to I will.

My arms have seemed so empty,
And they are empty still.
You said, “Wait until your married.”
And you know, dear Lord, I will.

And when I've found my sweetheart,
With your approving seal.
I will marry in the temple.
With your help, dear Lord, I will.

And when our lives are over,
And our poor hearts are still.
Bring us home to dwell with you Lord,
If it be thy holy will. If it be thy holy will.

Balance

2011-05-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

We must remember in our life
As things of devotion loom,
(Even a husband or a wife
can lead us to our doom.)

Nothing should obstruct
The love we have for God.
His words alone instruct
lighting the path that must be trod.

If we focus only on earthly things
until they push out the rest,
Our poor heart no longer sings
and our life cannot be blessed.

If we make something else our God
And Lord, don't worship you.
Our future will be flawed
And we'll loose our new God too.

Yes, darkness flees from light
and no matter what we do,
we either choose what's wrong or right.
We cannot be both false and true.

Moments of Waiting

2011-05-10T12:06:00.001-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Let us use moments of waiting,
To improve and train our mind.
For, while the earth is here rotating,
The need for change we always find.

Yet, as we go through this eternal round,
Our need for change can someday cease,
With God's help, perfection can be found,
Bringing eternal joy and peace.

What is your view of families and diversity?

2011-04-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am able to carefully consider my audience when I speak to groups and to alter my message in order to avoid offending those who are listening. I believe that I have a responsibility to be conscious of these factors and also competent in addressing them. I am very comfortable in situations where I am talking to people of different ethnic groups and cultures. I believe that people can sense my honest intent to communicate in a sensitive way.
In the past I have argued hatefully with people about both religion and politics. However, over the intervening years I have been able to interact with many different people and gain insight from these conversations. I also had the wonderful opportunity to spent time in a different country getting to know the people in their homes. The interaction that I’ve had with people of different ethnicities, religions, and political persuasions has impacted me greatly.
As I listen with an open mind, to people of different cultures, as they speak from their hearts about what they truly value and believe. I can see the image of God, in their faces. I feel once again that we all come from God (as LDS people believe) and that we all have the same wonderful potential. It is my belief that we are all alike in the eyes of God and that he loves us all equally. In the eyes of God the learner is just as valued as the teacher. Regardless of skin color, gender, nationality, or ethnicity we are all part of one great family throughout the earth. I believe that those who have limited access to information about the way things truly have been in the world, and the way that they truly are at present, will be assessed by God according to the knowledge that they were given.
I view the world through three great lenses. I view religion based on my belief in a merciful God who loves all of his children and will give all of them a chance to find ultimate and everlasting happiness. I view politics through my belief that all honest and good people in every nation and political party can be players on the same great team as good world citizens and work together for the good of all mankind. I view ethnicity and culture as a vast garden containing both weeds and beautiful flowers.
I believe that every ethnicity and culture has both positive and negative aspects from which we can all learn. I believe that the key to cultural competence is to look for the beautiful and learn from it, while at the same time being sincerely grateful for the wondrous variety which exists in this garden that we call our world. After all, I believe that it was God himself who laid the foundation for all of the different ethnic groups in the world when he confounded the languages at the tower of Babel. I believe that all of the diversity in our world was put in place by our creator in order to help His children learn valuable lessons about cooperation, tolerance, and the importance of pure love.

Building for the Future

2010-12-31T15:34:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

As we try to build a place,
where there is joy and peace;
our happy, smiling face,
can help bitter tears to cease.

Yet, we must come to know,
that our power cannot last;
like our eyesight it will go,
as we fade into the past.

We must therefore grow new leaders,
who are as strong as flint;
to insure we’ll have new readers,
who consume the words we print.

In this way we will succeed,
we must invest despite the cost;
we must grow the strength we need,
or our progress will be lost.

The Saviors Song of Redeeming Love

2010-12-21T11:28:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Tiny Coffins

2010-12-21T11:20:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Eternal Joy

2010-12-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Christmas Reverence

2010-12-21T11:13:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Standing in Line

2010-12-21T11:07:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

A Correct Comprehension of Ourselves

2010-12-21T10:55:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Those in Error Lost

2010-12-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Instrument

2010-12-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Best Kind of Getting

2010-12-21T06:27:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Journey of Faith

2010-12-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

His Image

2010-12-21T06:21:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Heavenly Father Lives and Loves Us

2010-12-21T06:19:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Will You Weep for Me as I Lie Sleeping?

2010-12-21T06:17:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Creation

2010-12-21T06:13:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Springtime

2010-12-21T06:10:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

A Perfect Family

2010-12-21T06:01:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There is Hope

2010-12-21T05:53:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

A Blog World

2010-12-21T05:51:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Ghost Town

2010-12-21T05:45:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Refining Fire

2010-12-21T05:40:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

To Clearly See

2010-12-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

My Son

2010-12-20T15:30:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Voices

2010-12-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Secret Camp Site

2010-12-20T15:23:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

A Firm Foundation

2010-12-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

It's Best to Know and Do

2010-12-20T15:19:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Loving God Far More than Life

2010-12-20T15:15:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Hearts of the Children

2010-12-20T15:13:00.001-08:00

With Many Tears and No Regrets

2010-12-20T15:09:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Our Hearts Can Heal

2010-12-20T14:54:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

We all need a friend

2010-12-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Visited Before

2010-12-20T09:50:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Most Important Knowledge

2010-12-20T09:47:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

To My Sweetheart Dressed in White

2010-12-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

That We May Be One

2010-12-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

The Gentle Summer Breeze

2010-12-20T09:41:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaitpoet

That we may be one

2010-12-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Judgement

2010-12-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Gift and Power of the Holy Ghost

2010-12-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The Buffering Effects of Healthy Family Systems in Managing Adolescent Vulnerability to Discrimination.

2010-12-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Abstract
Racial and religious discrimination can be a challenging stressor for young people to face. Healthy family systems can act as a buffer against these negative influences. Even when young people are in the minority in a neighborhood and face social exclusion as a result, they can still thrive if there are healthy communication patterns within their home of origin. Those who live in areas where there is a dominant nationality and/ or religion should be sensitive to the challenges which are faced by the minority. As individuals work to strengthen families who are in the minority, therapists must realize that they cannot cling to the familiar family narrative that originates locally. We live in a cosmopolitan and increasingly globalized world that is moving toward ever increasing local diversity. We must allow our narratives to include viewpoints that originate outside of our local society and experience. Breaking out of familiar ways of doing and viewing things, requires close examination of our own perceptions concerning the family. In this paper the author will examine three family therapy models and identify the treatment techniques and interpersonal tools that can help families with adolescents who face discrimination. These three models are Experiential Family Therapy, Strategic Family Therapy, and Solution-Focused and Narrative Family Therapies.

Introduction

In the book, “Family Therapy – History, Theory, and Practice” by Samuel T. Gladding, (pp. 59) we are encouraged to be sensitive to the beliefs and world view of the client/ family. In fact, Gladding refers to this sensitivity as being a crucial consideration. He observed in the textbook that if family therapists are not careful about the similarities and differences between themselves and the families with which they work, they may make assumptions that are both incorrect and unhelpful. This is also true of entire communities as it relates to the discrimination that exists toward young people who are in the cultural or religious minority.
In the October 2010 edition of the Journal of Marriage and Family, published by the National Council on Family Relations, Gene H. Brody and his colleagues wrote an article on research which suggests that stress-buffering effects, which combat the negative effects of discrimination, originate at the family level, and that family support, communication, and monitoring reduce the effect of life stress on adolescents and young adults. This stress-buffering effect within healthy families has the power to lessen the impact of many outside problems and risks factors. (Fergus & Zimmerman, 2005).
Neighborhoods can develop a strong sense of cohesion and common identity which often exists because of a large majority of one religion, (In Utah “Mormons” and in other states “Catholics” or “Evangelical Christians” etc.) who believe that they belong to the "one true religion." There are sometimes two communities that form as a result, the "believer" community and the "non-believer" community. Children who are not of the majority denomination are often rejected and do not have playmates because some parents teach their children not to play with the "non-believers."
The neighborhood environment that exists in each unique neighborhood is a very important factor in helping young people stay away from risky delinquent behavior. These neighborhoods are where young people develop from infancy through to emerging adulthood. These neighborhoods contain many other influences including parental, religious and public educational sources and contributions.
In order to define deviance we must first identify the established norms and expectation of the group in which the activity is taking place. If the majority of people are behaving in a similar way, it is not technically deviant behavior. This makes delinquent behavior a matter of geographic location and historical setting. Even if a behavior is participated in only by a minority, it must still be socially challenged and condemned if it is to be characterized as
deviant behavior.
Social exclusion can take place in any community. There are several mechanisms that produce social exclusion in a community. These mechanisms can deny young people the opportunity to feel like a part of the community as a whole.
One way that teenagers mark themselves as “superior” is by excluding others who they perceive as “inferior.” Adolescents become well practiced in the art of exclusion. (Giddens, Anthony, et al. Introduction to Sociology, Sixth Edition, pp. 247)
Lets begin by asking some basic questions; how does the neighborhood in which a young person lives, affect their level of risk for delinquent behavior? What impact does social exclusion have on the level of delinquent behavior that exists in a neighborhood? Or we could ask an even more basic question; what is a neighborhood?
Local Communities are areas that develop naturally as a result of business and residential forces. Business and residential interests compete for land as population groups seek affordable housing. A neighborhood is a smaller portion of the overall community and is a collection of people and institutions that are contained in the same geographic location which is influenced by ecological, cultural, and sometimes political forces. (Park R. 1916. Suggestions for the investigations of human behavior in the urban environment. American Journal of Sociology. 20: pp. 147-154)
Defining the influence of a specific neighborhood is somewhat like defining a family system. If we observe several genograms produced by members of the same family we will see a different
interpretation of the relationships of each family member toward the other. The only way for an
outside observer to accurately identify the relationship patterns is either to observe the behavior of the family directly or to look at all of the genograms and find the places they agree most often to identify the most accurate reality of that particular family system.
Neighborhoods are difficult things to define and most studies must only look at only one point in time with cross-sectional research. Neighborhoods are not static places and are affected by families moving in and out, the process of aging, institutional resources, friendships, and current norms, which all add up to the collective efficacy of the neighborhood system. U.S. census data does not provide us with enough information about each neighborhood; we
must also use systematic social observations by trained observers who use an adequate format to categorize neighborhoods along a range of social and physical attributes. (Tama Leventhal and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn 2003)
In the article, “The CANEP Scale: Preliminary psychometric findings of a measure of youths’ perception of their neighborhood environment” by Corinna Bisegger and Bernhard Cloetta, they identified a new scale to determine the perception of young people of whether their environment is safe, clean, quiet, and providing opportunities for social contact with peers. This instrument measures the perception of security. The same living situation does not have the same effect on every individual; phsychological processes such as the perception of the situation or adaptation mechanisms play a large role in every individual’s quality of life and health.
Our textbook explains the contributions and work of Virginia Satir and praises her for her charismatic leadership. Satir had a very simple view of effective communication and genuinely believed that healthy families are able to share their feelings and affection openly. Satir developed the Human Validation Process Model of group family therapy. One of the most promising new directions in family therapy is one that seeks to integrate Satir’s model into the techniques of Emotion-Focused Therapy. Just as Satir sought to clarify transactions among family members using the modeling of “I” statements, families can interact with the community effectively as they speak clearly and directly about their religious or ethnic beliefs and traditions. There is an important difference in the reaction of a community to the requests for consideration put forth by families who use an effective approach in expressing their differences and the reasons behind them.
When individuals are in the minority they need to accept their role as educators for the community about their culture or religion. Parents model these effective approaches to communication for their children. When parents model a sense of confident and quiet pride about their religion or culture, children are greatly impacted and fortified against defensiveness and other negative communication patterns.
As I continue discussing the buffering effects of a healthy family system, I will do so from the perspective of a neighborhood in my own life experience; Bountiful, Utah in the year 1990.
I have tried to analyze the research that I have included in this paper to see whether the research has incorporated
cultural influences into the studies. Many of my sources come from the discipline of Sociology which has a great history of research and publication of studies on adolescence and emerging adulthood; some of the best studies on the subject of delinquency come from this discipline.
My perception of the world has been shaped by the experience of being raised in a family that was very religious. Our family belonged to the dominant religion in our community. The following story may quickly and effectively paint the picture for you about my family background. One Sunday, my family of origin was sitting in Church, all ten of us filling up the second row as usual. I was sitting at one end of the bench and my dad was at the other. Being unsupervised as I was, I pulled a few elastics out of my sock, tied them together and began flipping my little sister. My father looked down the row and saw me doing it so he opened up his bible to a certain passage and sent it down the row with the instructions to give it to me. My brothers and sisters, being as they are, took the liberty of reading it as it came to them. When it finally got to me I read it. The scripture was 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man I put away childish things."
Now, when I read this I stopped... For a while, then I forgot and started again. My father saw
that I was doing it again and sent this scripture down the row, my brothers and sisters also read
this, Proverbs 15:5 "A fool despiseth his fathers instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent."
Now, I am no match for my father's wisdom in things dealing with scriptures, but this time I thought that I had him. I sent up Matthew Chapter 5 verse 22. The last sentence
states, "whosoever shall say thou fool shall be in danger of hell fire." But, my dad proving again his superior knowledge sent back down Exodus 21:17 "And he that curseth his father or his mother, shall be surely put to death." After I read that, the problem was solved.
Adolescents’ perceptions are dependant upon more that their social support measures. When we examine individual support experiences, it can help us to understand the social environment aspect of loneliness. Perception of the wider context which surrounds individual experience is very significant. We must use ecological models in our search for understanding the adolescent development process. The length of time that young people have lived in a community has a significant impact on their sense of community. When young people arrive in a community
they may seldom think about their neighbors, however, after they have been there awhile they have a different feeling
when they are around their own block as opposed to elsewhere in the city. Young people can even get to the point that they feel comfortable knocking on a stranger’s door in their community if they needed assistance. (Grace M. H. Pretty Et al 1994)
I am thankful for the experiences that I have had at Weber State University that have helped
me to see beyond the majority culture and reach out to “strangers” with sincere brotherhood. I
had one of the most powerful experiences while taking the Library Studies Skills Class at Weber State University.
The instructor explained about the rare books collection and then offered to give us the opportunity to look at some of these rare books. I was able to hold in my hands, a very old religious text that is connected with my faith in God. I looked around the room,
filled with a desire to share the joy I felt. I then noticed a man who was having the very same experience, as he was reading from an old religious text of a different religion. It was apparent to me that this man was of a religion and nationality different than my own. His eyes met mine, and as we saw the tears in the other persons eyes, he said, “These are beautiful,” as he cradled a book in his hands. “Yes they are”, I agreed.
As I looked into his eyes, I realized that this man was a good and honest man. I realized at the same time, that whatever had moved him to tears must therefore be good as well. These feelings banished any fear, suspicion or prejudice instantly from my heart. I felt a bond of brotherhood with this man.
This shared experience, gave me an appreciation for the things that other people hold sacred. As human beings, we hope and yearn for the same things. On that night, I realized very powerfully that those who hold as sacred, the written words that teach civility and morality, have ever so much in common.
As families discuss their interactions with the community and share and discuss the discrimination that in the lives of their children, they can, as a family discuss and even role-play effective reactions and strategies for dealing with these stressful circumstances. Just as you can get results from a defiant and rude employee as a customer if you speak with the person who signs their paycheck, families can develop effective strategies for combating discrimination. One good example of an effective approach in combating discrimination was the passive resistance
Coping with Adolescent Discrimination 6
that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. borrowed from Mahatma Gandhi. At first the community condemned Dr. King and
his group of passive resisters. However, once the public saw the fire hoses and dogs turned on the young people in Birmingham the community changed their views and behaviors to allow for greater equality. This strategy and the success in Birmingham eventually spread throughout the United States of America and has also influenced many other groups in many different nations as they have developed their approach to establishing equality and inclusion in their communities. Consciously arranging a high profile photo opportunity within a community to bring to bear the power of sympathy, sounds a little like something Milton Erickson, the “samurai warrior” of therapy from Wisconsin, might encourage. Our textbook indicates that Erickson believed families should use their resources and develop a strategy for each problem that they faced. Erickson’ approach focused on facilitating actions that produced beneficial results. One idea of the strategic family therapy model is that family therapists give families tasks in the form of homework. Families who already have effective communication in their homes can give their children “school work” or tasks that they are assigned by wise parents who follow up on their efforts to cope with discrimination in effective ways while they are outside of their home.
Some young people maintain a reputation in a community as law abiding and good people. However, because of their affluent parents they have access to cars which enable them to commit their delinquent acts in different cities far from the eyes of local policemen. Young men from lower SES backgrounds may actually cause less trouble in a neighborhood but be almost persecuted by the local police department for causing more simply because they do not have a vehicle to transport them to distant locations to participate in their delinquent behavior. (Chambliss, William J. “The Saints and the Roughnecks”)
Though a healthy family is an important protective factor and can serve as a buffer to the negative impacts of stress in the lives of young people, the neighborhood in which young people live has a significant impact on their lives. Parents are limited in their ability to raise children successfully if they cannot rely on their neighborhood to provide a caring and watchful environment for their teenagers. (Bould, Sally, 2003.)
Social capital is derived from the reputation that ones parents and family have in a community. The level of social capital available to young people as a result of their family of origin has s a major impact on the offending patterns of young people who are making the transition to adulthood. (Weiss, Harold E., 2009.)
The generous amount of social capital which was available to me in my neighborhood as I was developing is the reason that I was able to feel so much support and warmth. My father had been a leader in the local congregation of our religion and had earned the respect and gratitude of many people. All I had to do to cash in on the social capital of my family was to identify myself as my Father’s son and I was showered with affection and praise.
Conceptual and empirical work on child and adolescent development has clearly shown that the boundaries of developmental context must be pushed beyond the walls of the household in order to help us to understand the importance of the neighborhood context in understanding development. In the African American community especially there has been strong evidence that the positive parenting style and economic success of parents have not been enough to insulate young people from the influence of troubled neighborhoods. Youth who live in inner-city environments have added stressors that are not experienced in other neighborhoods. High neighborhood violence, having to ride the bus or train, high noise levels, may be contributing factors in the increased level of delinquency and deviant behavior among those who live in these environments. Studies have shown that community satisfaction plays a great role in the mental health among rural African Americans. Neighborhoods can serve as either risk or protective factors in the adolescents’ experience of life stress. Because many young people are becoming increasingly autonomous, they spend less time at home or in school and more time in their neighborhood. (Kevin W. Allison, Et al., 1999.)
The importance of cohesion within a community is important because high levels of violence often exist in noncohesive communities. Social disorganization and low levels of citizen engagement are all serious problems in non-cohesive communities. (Measuring Neighborhood Connection and the Association with Violence in Young Adolescents By Rachel Widome Ph.D.)
If communities are diverse in nationality and religious practice it is necessary for all who belong to such a community to be tolerant and inclusive. There is an interesting dynamic that often takes place in communities, in that cosmopolitan communities have an opportunity to practice tolerance more often and so are sometimes more skilled in their ability to interact with minorities in an inclusive manner.
The amount of time that families have lived in a community has a large impact as well. Those who move often
sometimes do not benefit as strongly from the effects of a new positive neighborhood as there is often a lag-time in the educational benefits of entering a new community. (Crowder, Kyle, and Scott J. South “Neighborhood distress and school dropout: the variable significance of community context”)
In our textbook we learn the concept of Skeleton Keys. Families use things within their household that have worked before in order to unlock a variety of problems. One of the challenges that is faced by families who migrate from their nation of origin in search of greater financial opportunity is that the skeleton keys that worked for them as a family in interfacing with the community in their culture of origin, no longer fit the locks in the radically different culture in which they now find themselves. Solution-Focused and Narrative Family Therapies teach that even though the causes of problems may be complex, the solutions need not necessarily be. One of the challenges faced by families who are in the minorities and who are facing discrimination is that they may not understand the causes of the problems they and their children are having in interfacing with the community. Focusing on exceptions, a treatment technique from Solution-Focused and Narrative Family Therapies, can be helpful as a family tries to unravel the mystery of how to fit in to their new community. By identifying times when differences are not a problem for family members and when discrimination is not a factor can be very helpful to families that are in the minority. Families can discuss what they do differently in these situations in order to use the techniques they discover to promote greater harmony in other areas of their lives outside their homes.
Summary and Discussion
Wise families seek to improve the neighborhoods in which we live. There must be determination, courage, and active work motivated by real concern and love for every member of the community regardless of their ethnicity or religious persuasion.
I now view the practices of the most influential group in the community where I grew up differently as I look at these practices using the perspective that I’ve gained during my education.
Among the Snomrom uniformity seems to play a large role in their cultural traditions. Harmonious interaction was the goal that led to the code of this group’s traditional worship-day dress. The most interesting manifestation of these rituals is to be found in the powerful cultural and social trends which influence the male practitioners. Social norms
require each male to purchase an elaborate and expensive costume made of natural fibers which are dyed to a very dark color. A bib-necklace is also worn over the top of this costume or uniform. If a male wears a different costume to these religious ceremonies he is noticed and extended special warmth and kindness. However, if this male continues wearing non-traditional garb to the religious services, arrangements are made for a used costume of worship-day finery to be provided at no cost to the visitor.
If these gifts are not accepted, the visitor will be treated with suspicion by the frustrated local leadership of the Snomrom. This leadership may consider requesting a meeting with the discordant individual about his choice of apparel. The instructions given to these adherents in their sacred books are that no one should be excluded from attending these ceremonies regardless of the composition of their clothing fibers. However, no man, young or old, is encouraged to participate directly in the work of these rituals unless clothed in the appropriate costume, complete with the colorful bib-necklace. This religious group sometimes also encourages their members to continue to wear their worship-day finery throughout the rest of that day after they return to their homes even after the religious services have concluded.
Who are the American Snomrom and where do they live? To answer this question, simply spell Snomrom backward. That is correct! The culture of which I speak, exists among those who are American Mormons like me. Wearing a suit and tie to church on Sundays, is a strange tradition from the perspective of many of those who live in different parts of the world. (In the above section, I borrowed heavily from the Ideas of Horace Miner as found in “Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition” by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 68)
As long as any Church members cherish the idea that they are superior, then that belief may well result in prejudice toward others. Even the mildest for of discrimination is out of line with the teachings of Jesus. One convert believed that he had not been valiant enough to have been born into the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. He said that he did not mind but that he was glad that he was a member at all. Some LDS people seem to believe that there is a specific hierarchy of spiritual talent that existed before we came to this earth life and that it carries over into the mortal sphere. The highest responsibilities would belong to those born into the homes of those who were already members of the Church of Jesus Christ; following close behind would be converts to the LDS Church; in last place straggled all of the non-Mormons. (“Beached on the Wasatch front” - by Karen Margaruet Maloney from Dialogue a Journal of Mormon Thought. pp. 103)
The kind people in the neighborhood where I grew up taught me that I am a child of God. I was treated with warmth and kindness. I was taught by the example of those in the neighborhood that the most important things I could become in my life are a husband and a Father. However, I have realized that they may have done this only because I was one of them.
It is easy to overlook the difficult situations that some have faced when they are not raised in an area where their family is a part of the dominant cultural or religious tradition. If someone was not of the LDS faith and grew up in Bountiful Utah in 1990, they may have had a different experience entirely. I have been able to realize that I grew up in a community that had a long list of things that were deviant behaviors, drinking Coca-Cola, saying swear words, and listening to music the featured electric guitars as an instrument. I have talked with people who lived in our community while they were growing up and heard their stories about the fact that neighborhood children were told not to play with them because they were not LDS. I may not be able to change every community or neighborhood but I can change the way I view my neighbors and reach out in love and brotherhood as we seek to solve the problem of delinquent behavior in our community together.

References:
Allison, Kevin W., Et al. “Life Experiences among Urban Adolescents: Examining the Role of
Context” Child Development, July/ August 1999, Volume 70, Number 4, pp. 1019

Chambliss, William J. “The Saints and the Roughnecks,” Readings for Sociology, Sixth Edition.

Corinna Bisegger and Bernhard Cloetta “The CANEP Scale: Preliminary psychometric findings
of a measure of youths’ perception of their neighborhood environment”

Crowder, Kyle, and Scott J. South “Neighborhood distress and school dropout: the variable
significance of community context”

Ferus, S., & Zimmerman, M.A. (2005). Adolescent resilience: A framework for understanding
healthy development in the face of risk. Annual Review of Public Health, 26, 399-419.
Doi:10.1146/annurev.publhealth.26.021304.144357

Fusco, Rachel A., and John W. Fantuzzo “Domestic violence crimes and children: A population-
based investigation of direct sensory exposure and the nature of involvement”

Giddens, Anthony, et al. “Introduction to Sociology, Sixth Edition”, pp. 68, 247, 285

Gladding, Samuel T. “Family Therapy – History, Theory, and Practice.”, pp. 228-249, 289-303,
304-329.

Grace M. H. Pretty Et al. “Exploring Adolescents sense of community and its relationship to
loneliness” Journal of Community Psychology Volume 22, October 1994, pp. 355

Maloney, Karen M. “Beached on the Wasatch front” published in “Dialogue a Journal of
Mormon Thought.” pp. 103

Park R. 1916. Suggestions for the investigations of human behavior in the urban environment.
American Journal of Sociology. 20: pp. 147-154

Tama Leventhal and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn “Children and Youth in Neighborhood Contexts” in
Current Directions in Psychological Science. Volume 12, Number 1, February 2003 pp. 30

Weiss, Harold E., Dissertation Abstracts International Section A: Humanities and Social
Sciences, Vol. 69(8-A), 2009. pp. 3342.

Widome, Rachel. “Measuring Neighborhood Connection and the Association with
Violence in Young Adolescents.”

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

2010-12-11T13:35:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Suffering

2010-12-11T09:37:00.001-08:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Teen Dating Violence; Identifying and Implementing Successful Preventative Interventions.

2010-08-16T20:39:00.001-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Abstract
In this paper I will identify the multiple levels of ecological influences on the risk behavior of Teen Dating Violence among adolescents. This paper will address the following of Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Development Model Levels: Individual, microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, and macrosystem. (It is beyond the scope of this paper to address the chronosystem level influences.) I will then share my opinions about teen dating violence and summarize the multiple influences on engagement in this at-risk behavior. I will then conclude by reviewing interventions that are effective in preventing teen dating violence. Teen dating violence is a pervasive problem which requires a comprehensive approach for successful prevention.

Teen Dating Violence; Identifying and Implementing Successful Preventative Interventions.
Introduction
Teen dating violence is a tragic risk behavior which includes physical violence, sexual coercion, Rape, social exclusion, spreading rumors, stalking, name calling, and emotional abuse.
Adelman & Kil (2007) indicate that Dating Violence also sometimes entails attempts to maintain exclusive connection to victims by isolating them from their friends.
According to Wekerle, Leung, Wall, MacMillan, Boyle, Trocme, & Waechter. (2009) the victimization rate for serious physical teen dating violence as found in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health is that, ten percent of young people are victims of serious physical teen dating violence.
Noonan & Charles (2009) point out that the risk behavior of teen dating violence is of particular concern because when young people use physical violence with a partner they are likely to use violence with the same partner again and also to use violence in future relationships as well. That is why it is important to prevent someone from starting down a pathway of abuse before it starts. It is therefore vital to focus on young people who are beginning to initiate dating so that abusive behavioral patterns will not become established.
Noonan & Charles (2009) also indicate that the help of many is needed in the effort to reduce teen dating violence. Young people cannot be held solely responsible for improvements in teen dating violence prevention. Adults, schools, and communities must also help to promote the well being and safety of young people by providing good role-models, supervising, producing good educational programs, changing or enforcing policies, and challenging social norms that condone all forms of abuse and violence. The extensive nature of teen dating violence requires creative
and comprehensive solutions that include all community members—youth, teachers, coaches, parents, friends, and policymakers. Only by working together will we effectively prevent teen dating violence.”
Noonan & Charles (2009) reported that young people largely reject the idea of going to responsible adults such as parents, teachers or school councilors for help and guidance because they worry about confidentiality and maintaining their credibility among the Peers. Young people tend to turn to their friends and siblings for assistance and information. Because of these factors peer educators and counselors can be the most effective strategic inlet in reaching youth with information and advice.
Because young people are often unwilling to seek the advice, support, and help of adults when they experience teen dating violence, the effort to educate and encourage young people is even more urgent because they must be the ones to advise their friends and provide support and information to those who are experiencing dating abuse.
When we consider the rush of positive emotions that often takes place at the beginning of romantic relationships, we see a correlation between this mood of emotional exhilaration and the willingness of individuals to engage in risky sexual behavior. The less we know about someone the more powerful the illusion of perfection can be. As this initial phase of the romantic relationship fades, doubts often arise about the wisdom of continuing such a relationship. Such rapidly developed sexual relationships can quickly turn violent and abusive because of the powerful emotions that accompany intimate sexual behavior. There is much higher risk for a pattern of violent and abusive relationships to develop when young people engage in sexual behavior too early in their lives and too early in their relationships.
Individual Level Influences
Noonan & Charles (2009) suggest that the age of the individual is a very important influence for many reasons as we consider Teen Dating Violence prevention. Young people need prevention messages before they start dating if they are to avert teen dating violence. Young people are forming their behaviors and beliefs about dating violence while they are in Junior High School. Teen Dating Violence Interventions must include and emphasis on skill building, tailoring programs for specific groups of young people, and using creativity to find innovative ways of reaching young people.
Many relationships in Junior High School often terminate after just a few days or weeks. When young people are in Junior High School there are few opportunities to engage in serious romantic relationships because the young people have a difficult time being alone together, have little money and are not able to drive. Many parents will not allow their children to date at this age and so much of the time that these young people spend together is during school hours.
Some young people hold hands, hug, and kiss. When they describe their romantic relationships they say they are going out, or have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Most elementary school aged children do not really understand the concept of dating and romantic involvement and even have some discomfort discussing the matter.
Interventions should focus on building skills such as communication, conflict management, and courageous bystander behavior. These skills can harness the largely positive attitudes that exist in this age group. Most young people do not endorse abuse and are needed as part of the solution. As we intervene in an effort to reduce teen dating violence, it is vital that we pay attention to age, race, gender, and other social differences as we design the approach.
Marshall & Jaycox (2009) assert that gender differences also contribute to the attitudes that young people develop about Teen Dating Violence. Boys hold more attitudes of acceptance about violence. It is difficult to study the gender differences however, because young people who answer study questions are likely to approach their answers with the role of boy or girl in the question being paramount in their minds. As they respond to questions they will likely see themselves as perpetrator or victim depending on their gender and how the question is worded. This phenomenon leads to different interpretations of the question as well as different motivations for choosing answers.
As an example of the gender differences, if there is a math problem with the word “girder” (which is part of the structure of a building) a male student may get the problem correct while a female student may stumble over that vocabulary term and get a lower score even though she may have superior math ability.
Gender differences and socialization must be considered when trying to examine outcomes associated with dating violence intervention efforts. Only then can policymakers and prevention and intervention specialists know how best to influence change. It is interesting to note also that societal norms are more lenient about female-to-male violence than they are toward male-to-female violence. If a boy says something intentionally that upsets a girl it is viewed by both genders as acceptable for the girl to hit the boy. If however, a girl says something that upsets a boy it is viewed as unacceptable for the boy to hit the girl. There is a strong and prevalent cultural message that boys hitting girls is wrong no matter what. This message is strongly instilled in boys. Both genders also feel that retaliatory hitting of someone of the same gender is more acceptable.
Noonan & Charles (2009) also propose that boys may be very effective resources to promote safety, respect, and equality. Male leadership is very important because boys often appear to set the social “rules of the game” among peers.
Microsystem Level Influences
Banyard & Cross (2008) have indicated that the interaction of young people at school with their peers and teachers has a profound influence in their lives. Teachers can include important messages in their curriculum that can help young people not only avoid teen dating violence but also cope with this abuse if it occurs. Teachers can watch for the warning signs of depressed mood, substance abuse, and negative educational outcomes that sometimes point to teen dating abuse and be vigilant and mindful of the interconnected nature of these risk behaviors. There are times when students who had been doing well, loose their drive to succeed. This situation can create and important red flag for educators.
There are many instances where risk factors have an interconnected effect. Sometimes educational problems lead to substance use, which then creates situational risk for dating abuse. Because of this fact there is a need for interventions that address multiple issues in tandem, such as, educational problems, mental health concerns and substance use. Educators are in a powerful position to provide stress moderating effects that promote well-being in those who are under stress. Greater perceived support is related to more positive outcomes in the lives of young people. There is a need for effective teen dating violence prevention and relationship skill building not only in High Schools but earlier. Making time for such interventions is very important. These early interventions can help improve the school functioning of young people.
Adelman & Kil (2007) indicate that peers and friends are very important in influencing teen dating violence prevention. Couples who are dating are always influenced by the friends of their dating partner, even if it is through the expectations which their partner has developed with the help of their friends prior to their relationship beginning. Friends are sometimes targets of violence in dating conflicts. Friends can even sometimes be participants in conflicts and violence. At other times friends become confidants who are in the most trusted position for the troubled young person who is seeking advice about a current situation.
Given the social implications of dating in high school, dating has an effect on all students whether they are dating or not. Dating relationships have and effect on the friends of students and these influences have an impact on their relationships with each other. Dating violence also includes being socially ignored, threatening to harm a person’s reputation through rumors or disclosing information to friends. In this way, friends are often active participants in dating violence.
Young people are very aware of the need to deal with conflicts involving their friends because they are immersed on a daily basis with situations where friends differ over their dating relationships and risk loosing friendships which compete with romance.
Mesosystem Level Influences
Wekerle (2009) showed that in school, in work, in partnerships, in families, there is a skill set to healthful relating that may need to be explicitly developed and coached in youth over time. The help of all is needed in this effort if Dating Violence is to be prevented.
Some of the risk factors that have an impact on teen dating violence include: early entry into alcohol use, marijuana use, and sexual intercourse with partners The presence of two risk factors
increased the likelihood of dating violence victimization over 6-fold (among females) and 4-fold (among males). Four risk factors increased the odds over 18-fold (females) and 9-fold (males). For females, victimization was associated with a wider range of risk factors.
Childhood emotional abuse perpetrated by parents has a profound effect in the lives of children and research has shown a link between adolescent post-traumatic stress disorder and later teen dating violence. Emotion abuse from parents impacts a child's approach to relating to themselves and to others. This type of family interaction limits a victim’s conceptualization of and skill set for healthy, close relationships. Young people need to realize that they have the potential to make a different choice in their lives and receive an opportunity to develop close relationships with other individuals outside of their homes which can lay the foundation for future relationship success. Some young people who have been maltreated repeat their previous experiences almost as a form of re-enactment.
Teens normally do not share their dating violence experiences with adults and in families where emotional sharing is already inhibited it may serve to produce an even stronger negative impact in the level of guidance and support that emotionally abused young people receive.
Banyard, Cross, and Modecki (2006) theorized that neighborhoods provide monitoring that influences adolescent interpersonal violence. Some neighborhoods have a lack of social organization and control that leaves them ineffective at preventing crime. All of the microsystem influences must work together within a neighborhood to achieve collective efficacy. Disclosure of victimization and protection from dangerous people are likely in areas that display a sense of social responsibility. Young people who have developed this sense of social responsibility are also less likely to participate in risky behavior in many other areas because they do not want to harm their friends and neighbors.
Exosystem Level Influences
Fredland (2010) organized a program that was designed to use the resources already available in the community by partnering with organizations and individuals already in place within the community. Fredland recommended that those who use the community-based community-wide partnering program try to anticipate issues that are likely to arise during the collaboration process and try to address them in advance. Fredland pointed out that the long-term goal of the partnership is to collaboratively establish an evidence-based implementation partnership network that is sustainable. At the outset it is a good idea to make a list of negotiable and nonnegotiable items. She said it is a good idea to schedule regular debriefing meetings so that you can examine issues that may have arisen. It is also important to make sure that a reasonable explanation for a strategy has been delivered and has been understood. It is also not necessary or possible to have all of the questions answered or pieces in place at the beginning. Making modifications along the way should be the rule. It is also important to respect the time of partners who have busy schedules and other commitments. Individuals tend to be involved in many things. It is important to meet when and where it is convenient. It is also a good idea to show appreciation by providing partners with beverages, giving them many points for creativity (this is the great benefit of collaboration) and writing a letter of thanks to each partner periodically. It is also important to be willing to confront institutional and interpersonal challenges in a positive way.
The approach that was used to implement this program started with an effort to improve the health and well-being of communities by addressing identified needs. The community partners allowed the researchers to build the program using the community’s abilities and unique resources. This approach taps into the expert knowledge available about the specific community
and provides a vehicle for collaboration and communication between all of the community partners which may not have existed before the community-based community-wide research project started. This approach produces a knowledge enhancing, empowering process that provides opportunities for groups in the community that have been marginalized. This approach also is able to consider health in an ecological framework because that framework is represented in the collaboration process. When partners from the community are utilized the research becomes more relevant. When the skills, knowledge and abilities of community partners is used it improves the quality of the program because it is based on local knowledge and actual experience. This approach helps to overcome cultural gaps and presents opportunities to avoid redundancy as community members share personnel.
When assembling a sustainable partnership within a community there must be ongoing monitoring and evaluation of the collaboration process, open communication and a willingness to modify the structure of the program as necessary. Challenges along the way should be expected and considered normal. Those who are organizing such a program should anticipate and embrace to compromise. Being willing to give as well as take will change attitudes and lead to mutually beneficial solutions. Knowledge that is gained outside of academia can be equally as important in defining, guiding, and completing the types of programs. When doing research in a community we should remember that research participants are justified in asking for an opportunity to influence the direction of research in their communities. We should use an approach that will build trust by recognizing and assisting in the needs and goals of the community in a way that respects their culture. This study concluded that, regardless of the phenomenon under study, collaborating with those directly involved who have the knowledge
and skills to deliver a relevant and appealing intervention would have the best impact on the health of the community.
Manganello (2008) asserts that the media consumption decisions of young people are one of the most powerful influences on their dating and intimate partner attitudes. Most teens are exposed to a very large amount of media on a daily basis.
Teens recognize that pornography influences their behavior in a negative way. Teens are provided role models and examples of how to act toward dating partners according to the media which they consume. Media may not only influence the young person’s attitudes, knowledge, and behavior but can also influence parents, peers, and social norms.
Social norms and attitudes, which have been shaped by media, are likely to have an influence on dating violence among adolescents.
Macrosystem Level Influences
Teten, Ball, Valle, Noonan, & Rosenbluth (2009) propose that the social ecology that exists in our world is made up of the interaction of the individual, their peers, family, school and community, and societal influences. The issue of dating violence needs a comprehensive intervention approach at all levels. Many States are changing their policies to address the public health problem of dating violence. Some states have adopted programs that are based on social marketing principles and models of behavior change. These integrated approaches from governmental organizations utilize creative materials, media outreach, public relations, technical assistance and training, and educational events in communities and schools.
Taylor and Sorensen (2004) observed that one of the most powerful things that influence teen dating violence is the social norms that are in place among adults. Most adults, in every race and
religious persuasion favor societal interventions for teen dating violence. When sexual assault, physical assault or weapons were involved the majority of adults condemned these behaviors. Adults feel especially strong about the importance of interventions when forced sex occurs during adolescence.
Summary and Discussion
I feel that one of the most important reasons for nice young people to avoid going steady and choose instead to casually date several people, is because of the wonderful impact that such interactions can have in the future as young people choose a partner to date exclusively. The friendships and romantic relationships that we form in our early adolescence have a big impact on our dating and relationship activities in the future. Young people need positive models of healthy dating and romantic relationships. These models can be found in the example of parents, peers, friends, and positive media.
I believe that what a person thinks about in their heart has a strong influence on the type of person they are, and also on the person they will become in the future. This has proven to be true when it comes to the propensity to commit teen dating violence as well. If young people choose to fantasize about sexual acts, it is best for them to fantasize about participating in a consensual and a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with their future spouse. If young people avoid even imagining themselves committing violent acts against others, they are more likely to avoid playing out violent behaviors, such as rape, in their own lives.
The age and gender of young people are important considerations in our approach to intervention. The educational system and the experience that young people have with their peers also has a very significant impact on the attitudes and behaviors of young people. Risk factors at
all levels interact and magnify the risk to individuals in order to mitigate this effect the efforts of everyone in the community are needed to produce enough synergy to overcome these challenges. Even individual choices about media consumption by adults will determine the programming that is available on television and the radio from which younger people must choose. Media outlets produce the things that will sell. The choices of adults have a significant influence on the media market.
Crooks & Baur (2008) explained that in a study of 222 male college students who self-reported on a questioner that 35% of them had seen violent pornography in the previous year. The 35% who had seen violent pornography self-reported that they felt like they were more likely to commit rape or use sexual force against a woman. Surveys of imprisoned rapists have shown that exposure to sexually violent media can lead to increased tolerance for violent coercive sexual behavior, a more widespread belief is the myth that women want to be raped, reducing sensitivity toward rape victims, desensitization about violence toward women, and in some cases a greater likelihood of committing a rape.
Graber (1997) showed that when people are very young and are dating in a serious relationship, they tend to experience negative outcomes such as depressed mood.
Simmons & Blyth (1987) observed that one important reason for depression in adolescent girls appears to be that the girls who are in a serious relationship often find themselves troubled by their boyfriends pressure to participate in sexual activity before they feel ready.
Forgas (1995) Indicated that it takes a great deal of emotional and mental effort to evaluate a serious dating partner. When a person is worn down and feeling depressed about the relationship they are sometimes less likely to have the courage to make the decision to break off the negative relationship and select a more suitable romantic partner. Such a decision takes a very high degree
of mental and emotional processing and so the ability of an individual to make a decision like this is powerfully affected by their mood.
Davis, Kirby, & Curtis (2007) shared the idea that as we try to understand people’s decisions about whether or not to take big risks, we see that a person's mood plays a large and unpredictable role in their choices. I have noticed that when people are in a good mood, they may be more likely to take risks without thinking about the consequences. However, even if they are in a bad mood they may feel like rebelling and go ahead with poor decisions anyway. It seems that emotional extremes are the potential danger zones. There are many smoking cessation programs that fail because they use scare tactics that only further depress their participants. It is better to establish a comfortable atmosphere and focus on the benefits of not smoking. This is a more successful approach when trying to influence people to stop risky behavior.
Fredland (2010) set a goal in her study to promote healthy relationships and prevent unhealthy behaviors. She tried to help young people avoid bullying and the escalating violence the can occur as a result. She pointed out the importance of developing programs that are appealing to young people. She discussed the use of interactive theater as an intervention to teach middle school children how prepare to have positive romantic relationships. The community partners developed a script which had a creative, interactive approach. In this interactive approach, the audience was invited to participate by viewing the play and then while watching it again to say, “Stop” when they felt that a better approach could be taken which would lead to a better and more socially positive outcome. They were then invited to come up and act out their suggestion with the actors in front of the group. Because the actors made it fun there were many willing participants. This type of gentle education proved to be a useful and successful approach. The majority of students who participated in the student survey perceived the experience as a positive
one and felt that they had gained knowledge about bullying or sexual harassment. The majority of students also believed that their behavior and that of their classmates would change as a result of the information that they had learned. This intervention is therefore an innovative and appealing approach that succeeded in teaching young people about developing respectful peer relationships by increasing their repertoire of adaptive responses.
Fredland (2010) also observed that one of the lingering challenges in preventing teen dating violence was the possibility that some of the students who attended the performances started the experience without understanding what constitutes the grounds for a healthy relationship.
This situation is difficult to overcome because it is difficult to replace maladaptive responses if there are not models of healthy relationships to serve as alternate examples for young people. The Interactive Theatre Intervention used by Nina Fredland showed unhealthy relationships and then asked the students for input on better ways to deal with stress and difficult situations.
However, the theatre program used by Fredland may have actually served to model and reinforce negative dating behaviors. Perhaps this program would have been better served if it had modeled healthy behaviors and then allowed students to describe and discuss maladaptive examples that they had seen in their lives and then reinforce the reasons why the positive examples in the play are a preferred way of interacting. The young people could have then taken the stage and been given a chance to act out the positive behaviors that they had just witnessed.
Some intervention programs try to provide adult led support groups to help those who are in abusive and violent dating relationships. However these support groups are generally not well attended because young people prefer to talk with other adolescents about their dating relationships possibly because of fear of condemnation of an early sexual relationship including the potential of their parents being informed about their sexual behavior.
Marshall & Jaycox (2009) point out that as prevention programs try to change student’s attitudes about dating and intimate partner violence, it is wise to do assessments before and after an intervention to improve estimation of the effects of prevention programs. Prevention programs are emerging that allow teens to articulate their thoughts about dating violence scenarios as they unfold. A variety of factors influence teens’ perceptions of dating violence (e.g., whether the perpetrator is male or female, a friend or a stranger, gender of respondent) The insights provided by soliciting adolescents’ thoughts in the moment may be translated into more appropriate approaches that teens will respond to with greater success.
Teten et al. (2009) proclaimed that there were only two programs identified that were comprehensive enough to succeed in demonstrating reductions in dating violence behaviors in controlled evaluations. These two programs were Safe Dates and the Youth Relationships Project. There is a need to provide financial resources to programs that demonstrate the ability to truly prevent dating violence. Current programs need to be evaluated and more research is needed in this area. We must examine further the preventions which are aimed at different ecological levels and examine how intervention effects may interact with each other. Only then can we move forward toward best practices for the prevention of teen dating violence.
In our efforts to help young people avoid dating abuse we have a powerful influence as parents. We not only model to our children the appropriate and healthy relationship behaviors and skills, we also have an opportunity to show affection to our children as well. In societies that give affection and love to their children at a very high level there is always less violence in those communities. Perhaps the most valuable preventative measure for teen dating violence is the feeling of validation and self worth that young people receive when someone in their life is genuinely loving and consistently supportive toward them.
Rererences
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conflict. Violence Against Women, Vol 13(12), Dec, 2007. pp. 1296-1318.
Banyard, V. L., & Cross, C. (2008). Consequences of teen dating violence: Understanding
intervening variables in ecological context. Violence Against Women, Vol 14(9), Sep, 2008.
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Banyard, V. L., Cross, C., & Modecki, K. L. (2006). Interpersonal Violence in Adolescence:
Ecological Correlates of Self-Reported Perpetration. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Vol
21(10), Oct, 2006. pp. 1314-1332.
Crooks, R. & Baur, K. (2008). Our Sexuality, Tenth edition. pp. 35 Belmont CA. Thomson
Wadsworth.
Davis, M. A., Kirby, S. L., & Curtis, M. B. (2007). The influence of affect on goal choice and
task performance. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 37, 14-42.
Edelen, M. O., McCaffrey, D. F., Marshall, G. N., & Jaycox, L. H. (2009). Measurement of teen
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Manganello, J. A. (2008). Teens, dating violence, and media use: A review of the literature and
conceptual model for future research. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, Vol 9(1), Jan, 2008. pp. 3-
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Simmons, R.G. & Blyth, D.A. (1987). Moving into adolescence. New York: Aldine de Gruyter.
Taylor, C. A. & Sorenson, S. B (2004) Injunctive social norms of adults regarding teen
dating violence. Journal of Adolescent Health, Vol 34(6), Jun, 2004. pp. 468-479.
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the definition, measurement, consequences, and prevention of dating violence victimization
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Life as a law-abider, a perspective from outside the cell.

2010-07-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

It is hard to know what to set down in a personal history. One can see the rows of personal histories that go unread because they are not funny or exciting enough. Perhaps the most important consideration in writing a personal history is to write the history specifically for those who are likely to read it. Relatives are a fairly good bet for an audience. People are interested in where they came from. If you are one of my decedents, congratulations, you came from me. If you are one of my relatives I love you automatically. If you are reading this history and you are not related to me, well, how exactly did you get a copy of my history? Perhaps I’m either a good writer or else I’ve become far more famous than I am at present.
In order to understand me it is important to know some of my formative experiences. Because I am getting older and I cannot type on the computer without my wrists getting sore, I will copy and paste some things that I’ve already written in order to share some of my formative experiences. I would have mentioned some more important and influential things if I didn't have sore hands. Wow! I just barely started typing this history and I’m already worn out! I bet this is why you’re always instructed to type your papers double spaced when you’re in school. The teachers want you to feel that you are making good progress. Here are some important things that I’ve learned…

It is very wise to honor your parents.
Honoring our parents is very important. I learned just how important in a sacrament meeting many years ago.
Our family was sitting in sacrament meeting, all ten of us filling up the second row as usual. I was sitting at one end of the bench and my dad was at the other. Being unsupervised as I was, I pulled a few elastics out of my sock, tied them together and began flipping my little sister. My father looked down the row and saw me doing it so he opened up his bible to a certain passage and sent it down the row with the instructions to give it to me. My brothers and sisters, being as they are, took the liberty of reading it as it came to them. When it finally got to me I read it. The scripture was 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man I put away childish things."
Now, when I read this I stopped... For a while, then I forgot and started again. My father saw that I was doing it again and sent this scripture down the row, my brothers and sisters also read this, Proverbs 15:5 "A fool dispiseth his fathers instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent."
Now, I am no match for my father's wisdom in things dealing with scriptures, but this time I thought that I had him. I sent up Matthew Chapter 5 verse 22. The last sentence states, "whosoever shall say thou fool shall be in danger of hell fire." But, my dad proving again his superior knowledge sent back down Exodus 21:17 "And he that curseth his father or his mother, shall be surely put to death." After I read that the problem was solved.

Unity is important.
When I was a child my family went on a camping trip and we had what we called the "bravery tent." This was a small tent set up about 100 feet away from the rest of the tents. Those who slept in the bravery tent would get a prize in the morning as a reward for their bravery. I decided to sleep in the bravery tent. My sleeping bag was a very old army sleeping bag that had a hole in the lining. During the night as I slept in the bravery tent I somehow worked my way down into that hole in the lining. I woke up inside the lining of the sleeping bag. Because the lining was made with white cotton and the interior lining of the sleeping bag was red I could not remember where I was. I screamed and fought in a panic and ripped my way out of the sleeping bag lining.
Many years later, when I was a scout we went on a 50-mile hike. On the third day we camped in a very rocky area. There was limited space to set up a tent. The scoutmaster set up his very large tent on the only level smooth area for what seemed like miles. I had a one-man tent that I was determined to sleep in. The Scout Master pointed out that the large tent could have held us all. However, I was determined to sleep in my one-man. In order to accomplish my desires I had to walk up the hill about 100 yards to find a level spot. After an hour of hard work digging large rocks out of the ground I had made it comfortable enough to sleep on.
During the night as I slept in my one-man tent I somehow ended up down in the bag with the opening underneath me. I woke up trapped in my sleeping bag and had a flashback to the bravery tent incident. I began screaming for help. The Scout Master upon awakening assumed that I was being attacked by a mountain lion. My worried Scout Master grabbed the axe and charged lickety-split up that rocky hill barefoot and in his underwear. A few moments before he arrived I struggled free, took a deep breath and realized what had happened. I heard the Scout Master huffing and puffing up the hill. When he reached me I said weakly, "Never mind." He cursed bitterly as he hobbled back down the hill to his tent.
From these experiences I have learned just how important unity is (or at least how important it is to stay with the group). It took a long time for my old Scout Master to be able to laugh about this story. This good man very likely had sore feet during the remaining 25-miles of the trip. Such is the power of an innocent flashback.

It is important to be in the right place at the right time.
The Elders Quorum President and I were visiting some lost souls when they were found by the long arm of the law. As we were preparing to say the closing prayer at the conclusion of our visit we heard someone pounding on the door and yelling, "it's the police! Open the door!" I thought, "Oh, that old joke." Then there was more pounding, "it's the police! We have a search warrant!" Before this lady's boyfriend made it to the door to open it the police opened the door for him. Into the house stormed ten police officers dressed from head to toe in black body armor. Each gentleman had a submachine gun. When I saw the door burst open, read the word POLICE across the first officers Kevlar vest and saw the large gun that he had I thought, "this is going to make a great story."
The Officer only got to "Get on the..." and I was face down on the carpet with my hands above my head in full view. "Get down on the ground!" the friendly officer again shouted at the President. The only trouble the President had was that the room was very small and had a coffee table in the center of it. All of the available floor space was already taken by the woman, her boyfriend and I. There was no room left in the Inn, if you know what I mean. The Elders Quorum President therefore made the mistake of Standing up from where he was sitting on the couch and trying to explain who we were. The kind officers did not seem to like this action and one very large officer stepped toward the President who then found himself looking directly into the muzzle of the gun with a bright light shining in his eyes. As the officer placed his finger over the trigger and shouted, "I said get on the ground!!" The president decided to do so. As there was nowhere else to go, he laid on top of me, his first councilor. I never thought I would need to "support the President" like that I assure you. I really felt the weight of my calling.
We were instructed not to move or speak which was difficult to say the least as I had eaten a little too much for supper and the President is not exactly a small man. After a time the President whispered, "Are you O.K. down there?" I didn't dare answer. But a few seconds later the humor of the whole situation hit me full force and I started
laughing, silently mind you, which made my body shake and the President being on top of me was well aware that I was laughing and thought, "What in the world could he possibly be laughing at?" After they got done handcuffing the two closest to us they were ready for us. "Stand up and keep your hands above your head!" We arose and the officers searched us for weapons. The heroic officers did a much more extensive search of the Presidents person due to his earlier, "Non-compliance"
"Who are you?!" asked the large officer who had gently persuaded the President to get down on the floor. "We are the Elders Quorum Presidency from the Clearfield First Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." Replied the President in one breath. The officers looked at each other and their weapons lowered a little bit. "Do you have any church I.D.?" One officer asked. They gave us back our wallets and we showed them our Temple Recommends and Drivers licenses. Big smiles came onto their faces and they soon escorted us out to our car, wished us a good night and allowed us to drive away with a great story to tell.
I knew that my Temple Recommend could help me get into the Lord's house but I never dreamed it could help me avoid going to the "Big house." This time the lost sheep that we were hoping to bring back to the fold sadly ended up going to a different pen.

Well, I have run out of stories that were pre-typed. I would switch over to sharing some of my poetry now except that while I’ve been alive not many people have shown interest in reading the poetry that I’ve written and I am fairly certain that the poetry that I’ve written will become even less popular after I’ve died. So, let me give you some advice instead…

Money is not important. Love is important. You never hear anyone say that their goal is to become the wealthiest corpse in the graveyard.
Politics are not really the most important thing either. No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in.
Religion is the most important thing. Pure religion; The kind of religion that helps people to genuinely love others. The kind of religion that visits the unpopular and unattractive, the lonely and delinquent; The kind of religion that acts with the simple motive of helping people to be happier than they currently are.
So my advice is to get religion. Any religion is a good place to start. All religion will eventually lead a person to the complete and all-encompassing religion which God always intended for all of this children to have. Dear reader, I won’t spoil the secret just yet as to which religion that is (just incase you have a different persuasion.)

I don’t have any more advice to offer and so I guess I will have to fall back on my poems after all.

Please feel free to copy and paste these poems. You have my permission to share them. You can send these poems to anyone that you want. I didn’t take the time to officially copywrite any of these poems and I would not have had the money to pursue legal avenues to enforce infringement anyway. And plus, you will likely only be reading this history after I am dead if at all. If you copy and paste some of the following poems and email them to your loved ones it will produce free advertisement for me (The dead guy.)

Suffering
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There is a law to follow,
With a punishment affixed.
There’s poison you can swallow,
Though with truth it may be mixed.

If we break the rules in life,
While knowing what is right,
We find sorrow, guilt, and strife,
And weep through lonely night.

Yet, suffering comes to everyone,
Resulting from the fall.
We conquer this through God’s own son,
Who has endured it all.

The devil wants to cloud our mind,
So we'll think God’s love is lacking.
He distracts us from the perfect plan.
As his demons are attacking.

Remember the message that has been sent,
While sin does bring grief and sorrow,
All suffering is not punishment,
And, in God’s time, gets fixed tomorrow.

Judgment
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

This life is like a courtroom,
And we have a role to play.
Like the pattern in a weavers loom,
We’ll leave our mark today.

Some pass sentence very early,
And from their stance don’t budge.
Yet, we’re to be a witness purely,
Letting Jesus be the judge.

You see, we'll all be weighed,
In the balance that is just,
Using good works we have made,
While clothed with mortal dust.

We’ll be judged by the way that we love,
How we’re loved doesn't mater so much.
As we follow the Savior above,
He can heal us with his gentle touch.

That We May Be One
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

When we write the tune, that forms our short life,
We observe all too soon, that there will be strife.

In a choir and band, there must be music players.
Yet, though the piece is grand, it may be played by music slayers.

For, even if we plan the most beautiful thing,
We’ll loose our best fan, if it’s flat when they sing.

I now clearly see, it is God that I should trust.
If our duet becomes off-key, then MY tuning I'll adjust.

Yes, that's the key to life, to trust in God above,
And overcome all strife, with harmony and love.

To my Sweetheart, Dressed in White
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There you are, in flawless white.
As a brilliant star, through gloomy night.

I love your soul, and I'm glad to be
Bound by our goal to partake from God’s tree.

We're sealed forever, and though we die,
We'll soon be together, You and I.

I do not recall, time preceding this life.
Yet, someday I’ll know all about you my wife.

Someday this veil, which hides the past
Itself will fail, and part at last.

I then I shall know, the one by my side
As we both go, up to God and abide.

So, before the casket closes, I’ll kiss you one more time.
And know that like our roses, next spring you’ll be sublime.

Yes, then I’ll know you fully, as in blazing light we dwell.
In the presence of the holy, and the great Immanuel.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

The Soothing Summer Breeze
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Sometimes the wind can move you, and make your heart beat fast.
But, a whirling violent vortex is a thing that cannot last.
For, in that wind is always strife, bringing chaos into life.
I prefer a gentle breeze that’s always constant.

I’ve seen the flames, with a devil’s tongue, leaping to the sky.
Burning up the innocence, to make the forest die.
Passion must be held in check, for sin can make your life a wreck.
I prefer a gentle breeze that’s always constant.

I’ve seen a twister on the lake, spouting water high.
It lifted up a fishy, though It's not safe for trout to fly.
Excitement can bring danger. It’s unwise to kiss a stranger.
I prefer a gentle breeze that’s always constant.

I’ve seen a snow-white devil, in it’s frozen hate.
Throwing snow up all around, angry to face it’s fate.
It seems to know the ageless truth, that it won’t make it out of youth.
I prefer a gentle breeze that’s always constant.

I’ve seen a dusty funnel cloud, out in the desert waste.
It seems to run toward its end with sad and reckless haste.
A desert is so bare and dry, that love born there will surely die.
I prefer a gentle breeze that’s always constant.

Our love and friendship both have grown, stronger through the years.
We’ve cried together many times, with sad or joyful tears.
Your love for me is always there, an answer to my fervent prayer.
You are the gentle breeze that’s always constant.

The Most Important Knowledge
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There’s so much knowledge in the world
On which to feast and dine
So many ways that truth is hurled
Toward my open mind

Yet, the most important truth
That we can understand
Comes by learning in our youth
To obey the Lord’s command

The feasting that is best, to me
The most important dish
Is the word the Lord gives us for free
Feeding thousands with two fish

For the teachings of Lord Jesus
Though simple and so small
Are packed with truth and goodness
That can feed and strengthen all.

We all need a friend
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Sometimes we all feel lonely
Those are common tears to cry
We feel that we care only
That we sit and sadly sigh

The spirit's a gift the Savior sent
When he ascended to dwell above
This gift he left when life was spent
Can make a place in hearts for love

The gift of the Holy Ghost
Can fill our heart with peace
This Comforter can help the most
To make our heartache cease

God's love can dry our tears
No matter why we've cried
The Spirit calms our fears
Warming hearts up, from inside

Sometimes, we feel that we're alone
When friends are hard to find
Some leave our God, who they have known
And depart from peace of mind

The tragedy of this dark path
Is very hard to bear
They lose the peace the Spirit hath
For he can't follow there

Our constant friend in life
The one who dwells inside
Must abandon them to strife
As their commitment died

Oh, let us keep this one true friend
And walk with God each day
For, we'll go home at this life's end
If we endure and pray

If we want to conquer sadness
Finding peace in every hour
Let's receive this gift with gladness
And be filled with love and power.

The hearts of the children
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

I thank my parents for the words of love and truth
That became my building blocks in youth

From these foundations continue to rise
A structure of goodness to reach to the skies

These precious materials I try to share
With each of my children with great effort and care

We are building Eternity every day
With each act that we do and each word that we say

I'm so thankful for all those who have gone on before
Those who taught their children how to love and adore

Their kind words re-play daily in our home still
And down through the ages their love we can feel.

Those in error lost
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Our God wants us to love all
Forgiving those who will offend
We can obey the Savior’s call
That wrath and strife may end

When hate and pride come in to stay
They hurt and cloud the mind
As hate and pride get in the way
Pure joy is hard to find

When people cling to hate
Their sorrow multiplies
They’re heading for a tragic fate
As their compassion dies

How much better is the Lord’s way
For, when he was upon the cross
He spoke the words we all should pray
(To forgive those in error lost)

Yes, as we follow Jesus
And pray as he would do
These prayers can’t help but please us
As we pray for ourselves too.

A Correct Comprehension of Ourselves
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

If there's a God in heaven
If there's a plan for me
I know that I must find them
If my purpose I would see

Unless I know why I am here
Upon this troubled earth
I'll never know the reason
My soul has wondrous worth

If there's a great creator,
Why did he send me here?
What's the purpose of my life?
To conquer doubt and fear?

What will happen after death?
Why did we come to be?
Will I just stop existing?
Or come back as a tree?

What's the greatest future,
That I can hope to reach?
Are they only fiction?
These words the prophets teach?

The answers to these questions
Are difficult to find
I look but cannot find them
Recorded in my mind

The mind alone can't find them
These answers that I need
I need something to verify
These words I'm asked to read

The theories of the scientist
Can't explain mortality
These theories can't be proved
With facts my eyes can see

I need a message straight from God
That speaks straight to my heart
Where no one else has access
With all their cunning art

The Holy Ghost alone can teach
The truths that God will share
And God will guide me straight to him
With tender loving care.

Standing in Line
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

I'm going through this Life
Just the same as anyone
Avoiding pain and strife
And looking for some fun

A friend of mine, stood in a line
And I walked over there
The company was so divine
I stayed, without a care

The years flew by as we progressed
Not making any plans
We thought we'd find some peace and rest
But left with empty hands

For, when we'd reached the very end
We found, as others had
We'd been distracted by a friend
We didn’t see the line was bad

Please question the direction
The line is headed in
To make a good connection
That the prize we all may win

Do we want the things this line will give?
Or will we later grieve.
Let’s ask ourselves, while we yet live
“Is there more I can receive?”

The moral of this story
Is there for us to see
If we want to find God's glory
We must ask God where to be.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

Christmas Reverence
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The winter sun goes early to bed
As Christmas lights shine warm and bright
All passing eyes with the lights are led
To the manger scene a wondrous sight

My daughter was out in the evening air
In the quiet coolness of the winter snow
She went and got herself a chair
And sat before the mangers glow

She sat a long time with reverence resounding
and quietly looked at the little Christ Child
Love and joy in my heart was full and abounding
To see her sitting out there so meek and so mild

I saw her through the window and when she had returned
I asked what she was thinking to see what she had learned

My six-year-old daughter's response was thus...
"I was thinking about how he died for us."

Yes, when we see a manger scene let's try to do the same
To think about Lord Jesus and praise his holy name.

Eternal Joy
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Standing in the twilight with you
Seeing the temple as though it were new

With glowing lights adorning its face
I thank God for such a wonderful place

The beauty of heaven has come to the earth
Helping us see our own special worth

I feel so much peace from our father above
And to you I offer my heart full of love

My sweetheart forever I hope and I pray
That I'll always remember the joy of this day

I will always obey the spirit's soft voice
I will stand with you always for this is my choice

I'm so grateful we entered the Lord's Temple doors
For throughout all the ages my darling, I'm yours.

Tiny Coffins
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

I feel that caskets shouldn't have to be
Made small enough to hold a child
These coffins really trouble me
For ones so young, and meek and mild

Why must these children die so young?
And why must we loose these little ones?
What painful songs hurting hearts have sung
While grief like a river through their home runs

Yet, the answer spoken in my soul
Brings peacefulness to my weary mind
And out of a heart that with sorrow is full
I thank God for the plan he designed

There's no good reason that children die
Yet it happens often on this flawed earth
Causing heavy hearts to sadly sigh
Who've loved these children from before their birth

And the Children's laughter continues on
In a realm of peace and joy and rest
It only seems like they are gone
Yet, really, we're gone from the place that is best

Though it's hard when little ones leave in their youth
I thank God to know that these children are free
I'm so thankful to know this wonderful truth
And ask strength now to cope with my jealousy.

The Savior's Song of Redeeming Love
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Music lives in every heart,
It sings in every spirit,
Each soul deserves this godly art,
Each ear deserves to hear it.

I want each person on this earth,
And those who soon will be,
To feel the freedom like new birth,
Your song has given me.

Springtime
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Oh, what joy we find in springtime!
Oh, the beauty of the days!
All the birds sing songs to heaven
in their sweet and happy ways.

All the flowers are so lovely
climbing slowly from the sod.
Every bloom and every blossom
whispers, “bow and reverence God.”

Creation
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Out of chaos I create
Words so very neat and clean
Speaking words of love or hate
To produce my inner scene

My words come from deep within
Where good and evil fight
Wherein begins goodness or sin
Where darkness battles light

And always I try to produce
A good and holy thought
And ever fight hard to reduce
The evil this world has taught

I hope that I win this battle with sin
That I may ever be
Welcomed to the light and saved from the night
To dwell, Oh Lord, with thee.

Will you weep for me as I lie sleeping?
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Will you come to my coffin side
and weep as I lie sleeping?
Will you be sad when I have died
and returned to heavens keeping?

It’s O.K. to let tears move
freely from your eyes
It’s alright for those tears prove
where true love for me lies.

So weep for me with heartfelt zeal
as long as the sorrow flows
for that is the way you feel
and that is the way it shows.

Someday you will be ready
to dry your tearful eyes,
Your voice will then be steady
As the greif inside you dies.

You need not fear for future grief
You will not weep alone,
When you have helped to bring relief
You'll reap what you have sown.

Then take all of you're love for me,
and share it now with others,
This will help the world to see
We're sisters and we're brothers.

Heavenly Father Lives and Loves Us
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Heavenly Father lives and
loves us one and all
He sent Christ our Savior
to save us from the fall

Joseph Smith the prophet
Called to teach God's plan
Holy Scripture was restored
Through this righteous man

Through the Restoration
That gift of wondrous worth
The Lord sent his Church again
Here upon the Earth

Now we know the fullness
Of God's plan of grace
If we pass the test here
We will see his face

We must all live worthy
Of the spirits voice
He will help and guide us
When we make a choice

All our wondrous blessings
Come from God Above
He asks that we give him
Pure unending love

We can build the Kingdom
Each and every day
Enter to my kingdom
We can hear him say.

His image
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Many see your dark skin
And think they know you well
Other faiths say that we sin
And are headed straight for hell

When we look in the mirror
And memorize our face
We think that we grow nearer
To learning our true place.

Yet, the longer I live upon this earth,
And the more I meet new friends
I've learned a lesson of great worth
As my suspicion ends.

I've learned as I look in your eyes
And walk on foreign sod
I see, in you, to my surprise
The image of our God.

The Journey of Faith
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Begin to exercise your faith
And you will surely find
The strength to come to Christ and stay
To love with heart and mind.

Our journey to the arms of Jesus
Starts with a single stride
And the best thing about this journey?
It is one that we make inside.

The journey that takes the longest
Is the journey we never start.
We’ll never be free from the chains of sin
Unless we do our part.

Yes, Let’s ask our Heavenly Father
To change us deep inside.
For if we trust in God completely
Then with him we will abide.

The Best Kind of Getting
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There is a value spectrum, in the types of getting.
And the differences are awesome. Just like, knowing beats forgetting.
Getting Money can be good, Yet, it’s not the greatest thing.
And getting academic credit could, Help our heart to sing.
Getting knowledge is the way, To enrich your brain.
Yet, getting wisdom many say, Achieves the highest plane.
For, money can be lost or taken, Knowledge hurts when not applied.
Yes, guilt can leave your poor heart achin’, With sorrow from inside.
Wisdom is the best of all, the things to get and hold.
So, let’s walk her path and never fall, with a heart as good as gold.

The Instrument
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

In the hands of a master craftsman
Each tool works efficiently
The mind of the expert holds the plan
And sees what no other can see

He patiently works to finish the task
He's done this job often and well
He does the job better than any could ask
And when he's done the work, you can tell

The tool alone, never can find success
Or accomplish the things contained in the plan
Please help me dear Father to serve and to bless
Like a powerful tool in your almighty hand.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The loving Atonement performed by our Lord
Can help us to find harmony
God loved us so much that he sent forth the word
To reach out and to save you and me

Jesus alone could rescue and save
And help us be made perfect too
He Helps us to get the mercy we crave
By showing us what we should do

The penalty warranted by all our sin
Required the infinite gift
The battle with Satan we each can win
Our burden the Lord helps us lift

From the beginning the Lord was ordained
To die for what justice demands
Salvation from sin can now be obtained
By following Jesus' commands

We each can dwell with our Father above
As we follow the Lord's righteous course
His sacrifice shows a supreme act of love
Let us drink from this spring at it's source

The Savior has suffered these things for our sake
To redeem all mankind from the fall
Upon us his name we gladly will take
He offers his love unto all

We can all go where there's nothing unclean
Through Jesus alone this takes place
We can be saved from things evil and mean
To again see his loving face

The Savior had power to lay down his life
And take it up after its end
He asks us to flee contention and strife
And come home with him as a friend

He suffered temptations but gave them no heed
And lived life in pure innocence
He knows how to help in our hour of need
For all he has made recompense

The blood of the Lamb for our sake was shed
He gave his life freely for me
He prayed to our God as he suffered and bled
For help to endure agony

Because of the love that our dear Savior had
For the will of our Father and God
Our hearts fill with joy and are truly glad
For he finished the course that he trod

We can find peace through the powerful name
That broke bands at Gethsemane
We can be lifted up out of our shame
By the hope found upon Calvary
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

We must accept the Atonement he gave
Or face pure, strict justice alone
We all need the grace that's might to save
We deserve no mercy on our own

Our Lord took away the sharp sting found in death
He was the first of those who slept
We shall live again after losing life's breath
Joy comes to his children who’ve wept

The Savior invites all the world unto him
We'll be judged for the works we have done
That day will restore each joint and each limb
Through the power of God's perfect son

Those who are righteous will have so much joy
And praise the Lord eternally
His sacrifice saves each girl and each boy
That died in their pure infancy

So let us have faith in our dear Savior's call
And overcome evil today
Let's deliver his sweet invitation to all
To be baptized and walk in his way

We all can become truly born again
Receiving the spirit to guide
And this must take place in the hearts of all men
To be filled with his pure love inside

If you will repent he will receive you
Come feast on his love to the end
Trust in the Lord in all that you do
And his grace he freely will send

Partake of his love so exquisite and sweet
Drink deep of the doctrines he'll send
Some day we will kneel at our dear Savior's feet
Where our pains and our sorrows he'll mend

He knows all the trials we each face right now
Come cast on the Lord all your care
We all can be healed and he'll show us how
He atoned so that we could come there.

The Gift and Power of the Holy Ghost
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The third member of the Godhead,
is a personage of spirit
Through his whisperings we are led,
as we listen close to hear it

Without a body of flesh and bone,
he enters into our heart
The truths of God can then be known,
by those who do their part

The Godhead works, always together,
in perfect unity
Giving us strength, life’s storms to weather,
with blessings eternally

The Holy Ghost will reveal,
the truth to the righteous mind
This truth, once received, no devil can steal,
because of the plan God designed

This quiet communication,
delivered softly to you and I
Is a gentle invitation,
to love our king who came, for our sins, to die

The witness of the Holy Ghost,
brings peace and certainty
This helps our conversion the most,
beyond what natural eyes see

As we strive to walk the trail,
that leads to eternal joy and bliss
We know that we will never fail,
if his promptings we don’t miss

The spirit can protect us all,
from danger of any kind
As we each answer his loving call,
great peace we soon will find

The gifts of the spirit will help us
to bless, those who need our love
We can help them to confess and forsake sin,
and dwell with our Father above

The soothing voice of a father,
brings comfort to a crying child
Let us help a Sister or Brother,
feel peace from the spirit so mild

The Holy Ghost can fill us up,
with perfect love and hope
The Savior can enter and with us sup,
and cut sins binding rope

Through the Spirit’s mighty power,
we are sanctified
We can find in every hour,
our needs will be supplied

We must enter through the baptismal gate,
to reach the Kingdom that’s best
The Gift of the Holy Ghost helps conquer hate,
and brings us peace and rest

He’s the Holy Spirit of Promise, it’s true,
and in this, his capacity
He confirms the ordinances given to you,
and those that are given to me

This approval depends on our faithfulness,
we each need this to take place
Our Father wants to guide and bless,
so we’ll worship him face to face

All honest seekers of the truth,
can feel the spirits influence and direction
Please ask God to bless all our youth,
to be worthy of his protection

The gift of the Holy Ghost is more constant,
than its influence alone
The gift allows him always to be present,
so we’ll have greater joy than we’ve known

We must keep the commandments of the almighty,
if we desire the spirit, to guide
We can enjoy his great company,
as in the love of God we abide

Full enjoyment of this gift,
can make us fit for Celestial glory
Let us go forth to bless and lift,
and tell all the world Jesus’ story

Each blessing comes, one by one,
as we prepare our hearts for God’s will
We must live in harmony with his Son,
if we desire God’s power to feel

God will bestow upon us great strength,
if we love him with all that we are
We know that we will conquer at length,
we can make it, no matter how far

The Spirit of the Lord may grieve,
his power may be quenched
If tangled webs of sin we weave,
the joy from our lives may be wrenched

Let’s keep our souls clean through the Lord’s grace,
and fill all our lives up with beauty
With help from the spirit we’ll reach the right place,
and accomplish each sacred duty.

My Son
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Evening light is fading
The room is dark and still
My child, sleeping soundly
Must wake to take his pill

I wake him very gently
He cries, for he is tired
He tries to move but cannot
There's a machine to which he's wired

And after he's asleep again
My heart is very sad
I feel like I should fix all this
Because I am his dad

Dear Father, up in Heaven
I'm pleading with you now
I want to heal my child's pain
Please help, and show me how

I feel I have no answers
Oh, Father hear my cries
My son is someone special
Will you just watch him as he dies?

Then, I hear a gentle voice
Speaking to my mind
Fear not, my child, for there is peace
In the plan that I designed

You see, I understand your grief
For I have felt it too
My son has also suffered pain
I've been as sad as you

When my son suffered on the cross
I wasn't by his side
I couldn't be there with him
Or help him as he died

Please know I love you and your son
And hold his little hand
You see, your loving kindness
Is the help for him I planned

And when his short life slips away
I'll catch and hold him tight
I hope this knowledge helps you
to make it through the night

So, Listen to your heart, my child
And you will clearly see
Your Savior, Jesus, paid the price
That all may come to me.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

To Clearly See
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

We need to see things clearly
If we want to know the truth
We must hunger for it dearly
Hunting like a super-sleuth

We only see through darkly
As we travel in this life
Faith grows like a small tree
Overcoming storm and strife

There is a gift as great as love
That our kind God will give
And he has sent it from above
To help our faith to live.

A seer is helpful to us all
In showing truth and light
In taking down tradition's wall
And ending darkest night

We all have misperceptions
About our history
We see murky reflections
In the way things used to be

We need the help, God will provide
To understand the past
The truth can help us then decide
To find great joy at last.

Refining Fire
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

When life seems really sad
And full of punishment
It's not always cause' we've been bad
That the trials have been sent

In the Scriptures as we read, we see
Hard times the righteous face
Though pure in word and deed
They had to run this mortal race

The glorious crown we hope to win
Isn't in this place of scorn
For, though the Lord was free from sin
He wore a crown of thorn

Please, Lord guide us to the light
May we heed the words you say
Stay with us through this night
Til' we behold Celestial day

The trials of this life
Can inflict no lasting harms
If we trust God through the strife
Til' once again we're in his arms.

Ghost Town
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Darkness in the City
Brings a pensive mood
My state should bring me pity
Caused by thoughts on which I brood

This City is a ghost town
As empty as despair
Tonight I’m feeling down
And there’s no one here to care

Sure, The homes are full of people
Their lights are blazing bright
I can see the lighted steeple
On the church house, through the night

But I also see the shadow
Of friends who once lived here
Their hearts made my heart glow
And filled my life with cheer

So many friends have moved away
And yet their ghosts remain
“Remember me” their houses say
In haunting, slow refrain

I cannot travel down the road
Once the sun has set
For, all the memories kindness sowed
Will not let me forget

So many houses with memories living
Those families sure were kind
I miss the sharing and the giving
That soothed my lonely mind

And yet, before I moved to this home
Someone’s friend first moved away
So wherever all my friends may roam
They will find more friends I pray

Yes, I’ll try to be the kind of friend
I hope and pray to meet
Because I know that in the end
I must love, to be complete.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

A Blog World
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

I saw a room, the other day,
Where bride and groom, just talk all day.
They never hear, the other speak,
Or wipe a tear, from the others cheek.
They’re only speaking, all the time,
With faces weeping, like a mime.
With her computer, and his laptop,
There could be an intruder, but they wouldn’t stop.
They go on blogging, without living life.
On this treadmill jogging, are husband and wife.
What are they hoping, as they both write?
Or are they just coping, with long lonely night?
In reality, they're reaching out for their mate.
With their blog-words beseeching, for love and not hate.
Yet, sending this plea, into deep cyberspace,
Can’t help them to see, love in each others face.
And the people they blog to, yes, it’s such a sad scene,
For, would-be readers are glued to the bright T.V. screen.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

There is Hope
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

O struggling world so full of strife
Thy God is near to thee
He is the way to peace in life
Bright hope I truly see

For when we place our hand in thine
Our footsteps thou wilt lead
And guide us with a light divine
With love supply our need

The nations of the earth must bow
In deep humility
To find the peace you offer now
To view the hope I see

For death or trial with pain and grief
May come to me today
I through the Savior find relief
That peace inside will stay

My hope for our dark troubled earth
Is peace for you and I
The answer is the second birth
That Jesus can supply.

Visited Before

God lives and is real.
He listens when you pray.
Pure love, he wants us all to feel.
He'll guide our steps today.

This supreme creator,
Loves us endlessly,
He calls a revelator,
And helps us all to see.

His love is so extensive.
He sent his only son.
This gift was so expensive!
The bridge he built is done!

Let us love him in return,
Though life is full of pain,
Remember that this earth will burn,
When Jesus comes again.

We need not fear the devil's roar,
We can be free of shame,
If we've been visited before,
By God's great cleansing flame.

A Perfect Family
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

From the dawn of our beginning
Upon this wondrous earth.
God has a plan for winning.
Starting with a child's birth.

Each child of God that comes here
Needs a mom and daddy first.
Could we conquer every fear
If each child, with love, were nursed?

Things, sometimes, aren't worked out
In perfection, in this mortal life.
Some people take a different route
And don't love, as man and wife.

So, when our lives are lonely
And pain is all around
We must look to our God only
Where his purest love is found.

Yes, we can be adopted
Into the fold of God.
There’s peace for all who’ve opted
To grasp the iron rod.

For, even if earthly family ties
Dissolve and turn to dust.
God will wipe tears from our eyes
As we place in him our trust.

The second birth creates for you
A built-in family.
And they will be forever true
Throughout eternity.

Our Hearts Can Heal
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Among the headstones on the grounds
Where children sometimes play
There is a spot without the sounds
That little children say

This is where a child’s at rest
Beneath the sod and flower
These tombstones are with tears caressed
Til’ Resurrections hour

While we await the Lord’s return
To rectify our grief
We know we’ll see his glory burn
Rewarding our belief

Until that glorious day is here
The sorrow is quite real
Our Lord will also shed a tear
Through him our hearts can heal.

With Many Tears and No Regrets
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Rising up high, with black, terrible power,
I see a storm forming, to give earth a shower.

Violent clouds boil right down toward me,
Bringing darkness so thick that I cannot see.

A storm fulfills its violent threats,
With many tears and no regrets.

There is no safe, dry place to hide,
When lightening strikes you from inside.

With a rush of noise and fear,
The raging flood is drawing near.

It smells of rotten leaves and pain,
The ugly power of beautiful rain.

This angry water from the sky,
Was once small droplets, miles high.

It now has gathered, fierce and cold,
To let its hate and wrath unfold.

In this world, there’s destruction and woe,
There's also a lesson each person should know.

God sends forth the rain on both evil and just.
And he also tries our patience and trust.

Yet, even this storm, that hides the sky,
Which glares at me, and bids me die,

Can also be stopped if it be our God’s will,
When Jesus says to the water, “Be Still.”

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

The Individual in the Group
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

If good individuals work with others,
They can share and help and lift.
As a sister or a brother,
Yes, from God they are a gift.

Good groups know more together,
Than individuals ever could,
This brings blessings forever,
As they magnify the good.

There always is a leader
In every group that forms.
They are the silent meter
That validates the norms.

If a good leader is rejected,
Then by another they’ll be led.
Individual minds are then affected,
By the motives in that head.

Some leaders sow corruption.
Like a disease, it then can spread,
Bringing angers’ black eruption,
That fills with hate the head.

So in this situation,
Involving groups of any kind.
We must find some inspiration,
And use the power of our mind.

To guard freedom, born of trust,
And preserve our liberty,
We must find the one who’ll lead us,
To the place we need to be.

We should be a willing servant,
When we’re called upon to lead.
Being watchful and observant,
Helping others in their need.

Individuals can decide,
To stay pure and free of sin.
When the atonement is applied,
God’s household we’ll be in.

Yes, even if you feel alone,
And the group despises you.
Walk the path the Lord has shown,
And form the group, of God and you.

Loving God Far More than Life
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

It is uncommon for people to think,
Of their upcoming death.
Our spirits are troubled and start to sink,
For, time will stop all breath.

I must think about all this,
For, I’m condemned to die.
It is my family that I’ll miss,
They’re the reason that I cry.

And I will die an innocent man,
For, I’m wrongfully accused.
And so I pray and wait and plan,
For God’s love to be infused.

While I have no bitterness today,
And my heart is free of hate.
There are some things I want to say,
Before it is too late.

When a person faces death with hope,
Faith grows and comfort comes.
Even if a noose is made with rope,
As the ticking clock still drums.

Faith and love both conquer fear.
A clear conscience, great peace brings.
Yes, even as my death draws near,
My heart, with joy still sings.

I wish that I were able to live,
And raise my children up.
There’s so much that I could give,
To overflow, with joy their cup.

I know the Lord is truly pleased,
When his children wish to stay.
I know our sorrows can be eased,
Though skies are cold and grey.

We all should LIVE upon this earth,
As long as life can last.
For, from the moment of our birth,
The time runs out so fast.

I will not die in a prison yard,
For a crime that I’ve confessed.
But this death, for me is just as hard
For, my cancer has progressed.

The death that soon will come to me,
Isn’t something I desire.
Yet, even so, I clearly see,
God’s love must cleanse like fire.

Though death is absolutely frightening,
I know that God will take me home.
The word of God is so enlightening,
As through this valley I roam.

Yes, while I wish that I could stay,
Spending time with my sweet wife,
I’ll trust the things the scriptures say,
And love God, far more than life.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My wife did not actually die. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

It's Best to Know and Do
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

I drink all of it quickly down,
I cannot get enough.
It seems to me a golden crown,
The best of worldly stuff.

I learn all knowledge that I can,
I’ll take as much as I can get,
I am learning’s greatest fan,
And so right here I’ll sit.

Though many tasks now call to me,
I can’t tear myself away.
I have too many books to see,
I must learn the things they say.

Yet, is it right to learn and not apply?
To build up, and knowledge merely store?
While suffering persons pass us by,
As we leave closed our door?

Knowledge sometimes puffs us up,
Until compassion dies.
While love will fill the beggar’s cup,
Yes, Charity edifies.

It’s different with a Scripture feast,
They have a great message that’s true,
They help the selfish hand release,
To know, and also do.

A Firm Foundation
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The workers need a place to start,
A foundation on which to build.
Yet, footings aren’t displayed like art,
Their surface with gold we don’t gild.

The foundation is an important part,
Of a building great or small,
It forms, in effect, the structural heart,
That helps it to stand or to fall.

We must build the foundation of our life,
Upon the teachings of our Lord.
Building each other as husband and wife,
To be ready when concrete is poured.

If we don’t build upon solid ground,
If we don’t take the time or the care,
We know in the future that it will be found,
That there’s shifting and weakness down there.

When a structure has problems, Its owner will frown,
If the building is beyond all repair.
It’s so sad when we must tear buildings down,
And start building a new structure there.

Yet, if we build our lives with God’s plan,
We can find a whole lifetime of peace.
Yes, there can be joy for each woman and man,
The kind that will not ever cease.

The Secret Campsite
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

We wanted someplace secret,
Where we could go to play
A place that would be quiet,
At any time of day.

We searched the map with care,
To find the perfect spot.
So we wouldn’t have to share,
The shade when it was hot.

We found the perfect hill-top,
A place where it was flat,
Where others would not stop,
Or think to hang their hat.

Close by, there was a beaver pond,
And wild potatoes in the meadow,
Our hearts grew very fond,
Of our place outside the ghetto.

The towering pines were taller,
Than the others on the hills,
There's no one there to holler,
It’s nice to know how silence feels.

We went up to it frequently,
To spend a restful week.
And it was a strength to me,
To find the solace that I seek.

Then one day, as just arriving,
I saw a tragic sight,
And It took no time deriving,
What had caused the shocking blight.

The stone fireplace was torn apart,
There were beer cans all around,
And sadness swelled within my heart,
For our secret had been found.

Voices
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Voices carry
Far from home
Loud and scary
Voices roam.

Your word
Also calls to me
These truths I’ve heard
Can set me free.

I mustn’t choose
Another way
Or I will loose
These truths today.

Your loving voice
Helps me to see
The proper choice
Which leads to thee.

Become One, Acquainted With the Light
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Become one, acquainted with the light.
For a glorious vision like noon day
Has ended long and lonely night.

This vision helps us choose the right.
If you want to, then you surely may
Become one, acquainted with the light.

To help us see truth, clear and bright
The God who keeps evil at bay
Has ended long and lonely night.

Though we can’t stop the suns swift flight.
We can choose to walk God’s way.
Become one, acquainted with the light.

The one who gives the blind their sight
Because he hears what children say
Has ended long and lonely night.

Now we can rise to heavens height
For that great God to whom we pray
Has ended long and lonely night.
Become one, acquainted with the light.

Tears
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There are many reasons
That our bright eyes cry tears.
In the many different seasons
Of love and joy, or fears.

My tears doubled, until lately.
Now gone are streaks of bitterness,
Which had troubled my life greatly
In the past, to steal my bliss.

Now I seem to cry for things
Only, that bring me peace
When joy in my heart sings
And through my tears, demands release.

Let God Be your Navigator
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Our instinct is to smile and laugh
When we hear jokes on death
But proximity cuts our mirth in half
As loved ones fight for breath.

Lord Jesus took the sting away
And solved the problem of dying
He comforts hearts that grieve today
With the power that he’s supplying

People are dying every day
In hospitals and on the street.
The important thing is to follow God’s way
So you stop going down at six feet.

If one is free from Satan’s grip,
There is less sorrow in parting.
We never need to fear the trip
When God, our course is charting.

The Message of the Morning
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The fresh, clean, new day dawns so brightly
The morning is always so bold
It clears up the mist that forms nightly
Making way for the day to unfold

Watching though darkness we see the kind sun
Rising from midnights frozen grip
Shining with glory from the battle he's won
The sun begins on his warm skyward trip

Each time the sun begins the new day
We're reminded of the chance he is giving
For us when our lives have become dull and gray
to again rise and shine and to find joy in living.

The Wild Tangled Places
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Deep in the wild, tangled places,
Where the close trees block the sun.
Are those who gather with youthful faces.
They’ve come to find some fun.

Society builds for children a park.
And makes it a safe place to play.
Yet some children go to play in the dark,
Shutting out the light of the day.

Curiosity and a wish for adventure
Can attract children to the woods.
These children want to appear more mature
By taking more risks than they should.

Some find excitement by fording a river,
While it’s raging right after the rain,
(A thought that makes wise people shiver)
For excitement can turn into pain.

It’s better to seek peace and safety.
We don’t need to make our lives rough.
For, after a while it’s easy to see,
Normal life is exciting enough.

Look Up
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

When my mind is tired and weary
From the labors of this life
And my eyes are burned and bleary
From the stresses and strife,
I’ve focused only on the things
That man has built for me
With loneliness my heart then rings
God’s hand I cannot see.
My eyes are on the sidewalk
Or on the road ahead.
I hear the ticking of the clock
That drives me from my bed.
Yet, if I lift my eyes
To find God’s love for me.
I can gaze upon the skies
And see eternity.
I can see the lovely mountains
The cathedrals of the land.
Yes, I drink from these pure fountains
And I clearly see God’s hand.
I feast on milk and honey
That free and yummy food
Jesus gives us without money
And my soul is then renewed.

The virtue of the word of God
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The warriers stalwart sword,
was ready through the years.
A tool to serve the Lord,
And sooth their families fears.

Yet, all the violent swings,
That layed their brother's low,
coul not achieve the things,
That cause pure love to grow.

Yes, only when they tried,
The virtue of the word,
Could victory be supplied,
By truths that must be heard.

Of all the tools we find,
In all the warrior's art.
Only the word can change the mind,
Making soft the hardened heart.

When the Alluring World Calls
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

My daughter holds my hand,
She's not quite two years old.
She wants to go exploring.
She's fearless and she's bold.

As we're walking down the hall,
She see's an open door.
She tugs and wants to go inside,
She's sure it offers more.

I can read the sign,
Which has been posted there.
Danger! High voltage inside!
I hold her back because I care.

My daughter starts to cry,
She doesn't like what I am doing.
She wants to go inside.
And find excitement that is brewing.

As we now continue,
And once the danger's past,
My daughter stops her crying
And there is peace at last.

My daughter is now fourteen,
She doesn't like the rules.
She sometimes hates her parents,
And thinks that we are fools.

Yet, later in her life,
When she can understand,
She will see it's wise to walk,
The course her Father planned.

The virtue of the word of God

2010-07-11T15:18:00.001-07:00

The virtue of the word of God - 1 July 2010
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

The warriers stalwart sword,
was ready through the years.
A tool to serve the Lord,
And sooth their families fears.

Yet, all the violent swings,
That layed their brother's low,
coul not achieve the things,
That cause pure love to grow.

Yes, only when they tried,
The virtue of the word,
Could victory be supplied,
By truths that must be heard.

Of all the tools we find,
In all the warrior's art.
Only the word can change the mind,
Making soft the hardened heart.

Even Good Neighborhoods Produce Delinquent Behavior, When there is a High Degree of Social Exclusion.

2010-06-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Abstract
This paper is about the risk and protective factors that are provided for adolescents by the neighborhoods in which they live. I will examine the influence of social exclusion on delinquent behavior. I will define what a neighborhood is. I will then examine the Ecological level influences from the individual perceptions of young people about their neighborhood, to the geographic influence of the global neighborhood, global inequality and the need for effective government leadership in our world.

Introduction
Wherever there are neighborhoods that have a sense of cohesion and common identity because they have a very large majority of one religion, (In Utah “Mormons” and in other states “Catholics” or “Evangelical Christians” etc.) who believe that they belong to the "one true religion." Sometimes there are two communities that form as a result, the "believer" community and the "non-believer" community. Children who are not of the majority denomination are often rejected and do not have playmates because some parents teach their children not to play with the "non-believers."
The neighborhood environment that exists in each unique neighborhood is a very important factor in helping young people stay away from risky delinquent behavior. These neighborhoods are where young people develop from infancy through to emerging adulthood. These neighborhoods contain many other influences including parental, religious and public educational sources and contributions.
In order to define deviance we must first identify the established norms and expectation of the group in which the activity is taking place. If the majority of people are behaving in a similar way, it is not technically deviant behavior. This makes delinquent behavior a matter of geographic location and historical setting. Even if a behavior is participated in only by a minority, it must still be socially challenged and condemned if it is to be characterized as deviant behavior.
Social exclusion can take place in any community. There are several mechanisms that produce social exclusion in a community. These mechanisms can deny young people the opportunity to feel like a part of the community as a whole.
One way that teenagers mark themselves as “superior” is by excluding others who they perceive as “inferior.” Adolescents become well practiced in the art of exclusion. (Summarized from- Giddens, Anthony, et al. Introduction to Sociology, Sixth Edition, pp. 247)
Lets begin by asking some basic questions; how does the neighborhood in which a young person lives, affect their level of risk for delinquent behavior? What impact does social exclusion have on the level of delinquent behavior that exists in a neighborhood? Or we could ask an even more basic question; what is a neighborhood?
Local Communities are areas that develop naturally as a result of business and residential forces. Business and residential interests compete for land as population groups seek affordable housing. A neighborhood is a smaller portion of the overall community and is a collection of people and institutions that are contained in the same geographic location which is influenced by ecological, cultural, and sometimes political forces. (Summarized from- Park R. 1916. Suggestions for the investigations of human behavior in the urban environment. Am. J. Sociol. 20: pp. 147-154)
Defining the influence of a specific neighborhood is somewhat like defining a family system. If we observe several genograms produced by members of the same family we will see a different interpretation of the relationships of each family member toward the other. The only way for an outside observer to accurately identify the relationship patterns is either to observe the behavior of the family directly or to look at all of the genograms and find the places they agree most often to identify the most accurate reality of that particular family system.
Neighborhoods are difficult things to define and most studies must only look at only one point in time with cross-sectional research. Neighborhoods are not static places and are affected by families moving in and out, the process of aging, institutional resources, friendships, and current norms, which all add up to the collective efficacy of the neighborhood system. U.S. census data does not provide us with enough information about each neighborhood; we must also use systematic social observations by trained observers who use an adequate format to categorize neighborhoods along a range of social and physical attributes. (Summarized from-Tama Leventhal and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn “Children and Youth in Neighborhood Contexts” in Current Directions in Psychological Science. Volume 12, Number 1, February 2003 pp. 30)
I want to place my discussion of risk for delinquency based on the influence of a neighborhood in my own life experience; Bountiful, Utah in the year 1990.
I have tried to analyze the research that I have included in this paper to see whether the research has incorporated cultural influences into the studies. Many of my sources come from the discipline of Sociology which has a great history of research and publication of studies on adolescence and emerging adulthood; some of the best studies on the subject of delinquency come from this discipline.

Individual Level Influences
In the article, “The CANEP Scale: Preliminary psychometric findings of a measure of youths’ perception of their neighborhood environment” by Corinna Bisegger and Bernhard Cloetta, they identified a new scale to determine the perception of young people of whether their environment is safe, clean, quiet, and providing opportunities for social contact with peers. This instrument measures the perception of security in the neighborhood. The same living situation does not have the same effect on every individual; phsychological processes such as the perception of the situation or adaptation mechanisms play a very large role in every individual’s quality of life and health.
My perception of the world has been shaped by the experience of being raised in a family that was very religious. Our family belonged to the dominant religion in our community. The following story may quickly and effectively paint the picture for you about my family background. One Sunday, my family of origin was sitting in Church, all ten of us filling up the second row as usual. I was sitting at one end of the bench and my dad was at the other. Being unsupervised as I was, I pulled a few elastics out of my sock, tied them together and began flipping my little sister. My father looked down the row and saw me doing it so he opened up his bible to a certain passage and sent it down the row with the instructions to give it to me. My brothers and sisters, being as they are, took the liberty of reading it as it came to them. When it finally got to me I read it. The scripture was 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man I put away childish things."
Now, when I read this I stopped... For a while, then I forgot and started again. My father saw that I was doing it again and sent this scripture down the row, my brothers and sisters also read this, Proverbs 15:5 "A fool dispiseth his fathers instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent."
Now, I am no match for my father's wisdom in things dealing with scriptures, but this time I thought that I had him. I sent up Matthew Chapter 5 verse 22. The last sentence states, "whosoever shall say thou fool shall be in danger of hell fire." But, my dad proving again his superior knowledge sent back down Exodus 21:17 "And he that curseth his father or his mother, shall be surely put to death." After I read that, the problem was solved.
Adolescents’ perceptions are dependant upon more that their social support measures. When we examine Individual support experiences, it can help us to understand the social environment aspect of loneliness. Perception of the wider context which surrounds individual experience is very significant. We must use ecological models in our search for understanding the adolescent development process. The length of time that young people have lived in a community has a significant impact on their sense of community. When young people arrive in a community they may seldom think about their neighbors, however, after they have been there awhile they have a different feeling when they are around their own block as opposed to elsewhere in the city. Young people can even get to the point that they feel comfortable knocking on a stranger’s door in their community if they needed assistance. (Summarized from- Grace M. H. Pretty Et al. “Exploring Adolescents sense of community and its relationship to loneliness” Journal of Community Psychology Volume 22, October 1994, pp. 355) I am thankful for the experiences that I have had at Weber State University that have helped me to see beyond the majority culture and reach out to “strangers” with sincere brotherhood. I had one of the most powerful experiences while taking the Library Studies Skills Class at Weber State University.
The instructor explained about the rare books collection and then offered to give us the opportunity to look at some of these rare books. I was able to hold in my hands, a very old religious text that is connected with my faith in God. I looked around the room,filled with a desire to share the joy I felt. I then noticed a man who was having the very same experience, as he was reading from an old religious text of a different religion. It was apparent to me that this man was of a religion and nationality different than my own. His eyes met mine, and as we saw the tears in the other persons eyes, he said, “These are beautiful,” as he cradled a book in his hands. “Yes they are”, I agreed.
As I looked into his eyes, I realized that this man was a good and honest man. I realized at the same time, that whatever had moved him to tears must therefore be good as well. These feelings banished any fear, suspicion or prejudice instantly from my heart. I felt a bond of brotherhood with this man.
This shared experience, gave me an appreciation for the things that other people hold sacred. As human beings, we hope and yearn for the same things. On that night, I realized very powerfully that those who hold as sacred, the written words that teach civility and morality, have ever so much in common.

Microsystem Level Influences
“Social capital has grown into an important theoretical concept in the social sciences. Within criminology it has been applied in the framework of social disorganization theory and other theories of social control. However, while adult social capital has received much attention, adolescent social capital, and its possible relationship to offending, has not been studied. This gap in the literature is somewhat surprising since criminologists have recognized adolescents as major agents of crime. Social capital can be transmitted from parents to adolescents. There is a strong correlation between adolescent social capital and Adolescent violence and property offending. Adolescent social capital is strongly associated with offending in early adulthood. The intergenerational transmission of social
capital is an important source of social capital development that influences adolescents’ behaviors for years to come. Parental social capital relates positively to adolescent neighborhood social capital and adolescent school social capital. The relationship between parental social capital and adolescent school social capital is as strong as the one with neighborhood social capital. This suggests that parental social capital transmission teaches adolescents the know-how to accumulate social capital in a number of different environments, not only those safeguarded by parents. The intergenerational transmission of social capital has diametrically opposed effects for violence. While adolescent neighborhood social capital increases violence, social capital in school decreases violent offending. The cause for these opposing relationships is likely the different environmental contexts in which both types of social capital exist. While adolescent neighborhood social capital exists in an environment providing adolescents with unstructured activities, the environment in which adolescent school social capital is developed represents structured activities and, by definition, pro-social value formation. It is likely that young adults in the transitional period between adolescence and adulthood maintain their adolescent social capital networks, leading them to engage in the same offending patterns they displayed in adolescence. Social capital networks, and with them offending patterns, likely shift after the young adults have established themselves in adult life.” (Weiss, Harald E., Dissertation Abstracts International Section A: Humanities and Social Sciences, Vol 69(8-A), 2009. pp. 3342.)
The generous amount of social capital which was available to me in my neighborhood as I was developing is the reason that I was able to feel so much support and warmth. My father had been a leader in the local congregation of our religion and had earned the respect and gratitude of many people. All I had to do to cash in on the social capital of my family was to identify myself as my Father’s son and I was showered with affection and praise.

Mesosystem Level Influences
Conceptual and empirical work on child and adolescent development has clearly shown that the boundaries of developmental context must be pushed beyond the walls of the household in order to help us to understand the importance of the neighborhood context in understanding development. In the African American community especially there has been strong evidence that the positive parenting style and economic success of parents have not been enough to insulate young people from the influence of troubled neighborhoods. Youth who live in inner-city environments have added stressors that are not experienced in other neighborhoods. High neighborhood violence, having to ride the bus or train, high noise levels, may be contributing factors in the increased level of delinquency and deviant behavior among those who live in these environments. Studies have shown that community satisfaction plays a great role in the mental health among rural African Americans. Neighborhoods can serve as either risk or protective factors in the adolescents’ experience of life stress. Because many young people are becoming increasingly autonomous, they spend less time at home or in school and more time in their neighborhood. (Summarized from- Kevin W. Allison, Et al. “Life Experiences among Urban Adolescents: Examining the Role of Context” Child Development, July/ August 1999, Volume 70, Number 4, pp. 1019) “Youth violence is a widespread problem with severe consequences. Excess violence exists in noncohesive impoverished communities. High levels of social disorganization, scarcity of economic opportunities, and low levels of citizen engagement are all known to be community-level risk factors for youth violence. Additionally, because witnessing
violence has been shown to be a risk factor for aggressive behavior in youth, neighborhoods with endemic violence may become vulnerable to developing a cycle of violence.”(Measuring Neighborhood Connection and the Association with Violence in Young Adolescents By Rachel Widome Ph.D) “Extended residence in the neighborhood is likely to increase exposure to, and presumably the influence of, prevailing normative conditions and opportunity structures. Conversely, the educational expectations of more recent entries into the neighborhood are presumably shaped, at least in part, by the characteristics of their previous neighborhood. Thus, according to this perspective, long-term residence will intensify the impact of neighborhood poverty and disadvantage on school dropout. In contrast, the social capital and social control perspectives raise the possibility that the impact of neighborhood socioeconomic distress on school dropout is stronger among short-term than among long-term residents.” (Crowder, Kyle, and Scott J. South “Neighborhood distress and school dropout: the variable significance of community context”) As citizens in our communities follow news stories of horrific crimes in their areas, there is often such a large amount of time between arresting the individuals responsible for the crimes and sentencing them. This unfortunately sends the following message to every citizen; “Don’t worry, if you get caught doing something wrong, our legal system will never get around to punishing you anyway.” Our decision as a nation to be more compassionate toward criminals has only served to increase the amount of criminal behavior and hence, has also increased the amount of injustice and violence toward innocent people that follows such a trend.

Exosystem Level Influences
Police departments that provide good training in dealing with family violence can serve as reliable health sentinels for children exposed to domestic violence crimes. Many police departments have recognized their vital role when they are the first responders to vulnerable populations. This recognition has led to police departments who serve as a public health surveillance system through an effort of Community policing. Community policing is an organization wide philosophy that encourages partnerships and active problem solving through community engagement. This improves the response to families experiencing domestic violence. (Summarized from- “Domestic violence crimes and children: A population-based investigation of direct sensory exposure and the nature of involvement” by Rachel A. Fusco, and John W. Fantuzzo)A process that has worked well in connection with law enforcement in Japan is called reintegrative shaming. This process seeks to involve the community and family directly in the justice system.
“Reintegrative Shaming . . . works as follows. People central to the criminal’s immediate community – such as family members, employers and co-workers, and friends – are brought into court to state their condemnation of the offender’s behavior. At the same time, these people must accept responsibility for reintegrating the offender back into the community. The goal is to rebuild the social bonds of the individual to the community as a means of deterring future criminal conduct.
“. . . it is a familiar practice in other social institutions such as the family. Think of a child who misbehaves. The parent may express disapproval of the child’s behavior and try to make the child feel ashamed of her conduct, but the parent may also reassure the child that she is a loved member of the family.
“These social bonds could also be fostered to increase the power of shame and
reintegrate offenders into local networks of community involvement.” (Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 68) Some young people maintain a reputation in a community as law abiding and good people. However, because of their affluent parents they have access to cars which enable them to commit their delinquent acts in different cities far from the eyes of local policemen. Young men from lower SES backgrounds may actually cause less trouble in a neighborhood but be almost persecuted by the local police department for causing more simlpy because they do not have a vehicle to transport them to distant locations to participate in their delinquent behavior. (Summarized from - Chambliss, William J. “The Saints and the Roughnecks”)
Macrosystem Level Influences
“The transition to adulthood involves risk. Sociologists have focused on the question of understanding and managing this risk. Much of this research has tried to go beyond family characteristics and examine the possible role of community or neighborhood. There are overwhelming advantages in white suburban middle and upper income neighborhoods. These teenagers and their parents can rely on the social capital of the neighborhood, whereas the teenagers and their parents in the inner cities cannot. Parents in a majority of the suburban neighborhoods in the sample could, in fact, rely on their neighbors to provide a caring and watchful environment for teenagers. The family did not have to operate as a "self-sufficient" entity; it could rely on the neighborhood social capital--built on pre-adolescent neighborhood friendships and on the investment of the neighborhood women and their gendered carework.” (Bould, Sally “Neighborhoods and inequality: The possibilities for successful transition to adulthood.” Sociological studies of children and youth: Vol 9.; pp. 49-66. New York, NY, US: Elsevier Science, 2003. viii, 229 pp.) I love both my neighborhood and America as a whole more than I love any political Party and so I’ll vote for the candidate that will be the best leader for America. I personally worry about the tendency to govern by the lowest common denominator of public morality. We need leaders who have great wisdom, solid integrity and complete honesty. We need leaders who will be champions for families because they know that they are the building blocks of communities. The role of Government is to guarantee freedom, punishing those who are guilty of breaking the law, provide protection against foreign invasion, and to find solutions to the problems in our communities. We cannot ignore problems that prevent families from living in a community with a healthy environment. We need leaders who are full of love for others. Only these leaders can lead others in a cooperative and successful way.
Many candidates and public servants seek to appear to be honest, generous, and caring, without actually being any of those things.
We need leaders who really are commitment to working with everyone to achieve a happy and prosperous national community that will lead this Country toward collective success and the realization of happiness for both individuals and families.
As we look beyond our national neighborhood and examine the global community in which we live, it does not take long to realize that Global Inequality is also complex subject. It is an easy out to simply accept dependency theory and oversimplify the inequality in the world. It seems convenient to accept the view that forces like colonialism are the only reason that some Countries in the Global Community continue to struggle while delinquent behavior runs rampant among their young people.
I have examined the possibility that many of the current theories contain only a part of the truth about this issue. I’ve noticed as I studied a map of rich and poor Countries and also a map of world Hunger, that there seems to be a similarity in the majority of poor and hungry Countries. I noticed that the closer a Country is to the equator the more likely it is to have a high level of poverty and hunger.
Jeffrey Sachs refers to this concept of “technologically disconnected regions.” Mr. Sachs states that these regions are caught in “a poverty trap plagued by tropical infectious disease, low agricultural productivity and environmental degradation – all requiring technology solutions beyond their means.” (Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 285)
Perhaps the negative effects of colonialism find their saddest manifestation in the lives of those who have allowed themselves to be exploited for generations and are no longer able to live happily in either the world of the white land owner or the independent, self-sufficient world of their ancestors. What hope can be found in these neighborhoods where disease and delinquent behavior abound?
Perhaps the most important and vital need in overcoming Global Inequality is the need to help change the hearts and beliefs and capability of those who have been so used and mistreated in this world. Only then, and only using a combination of
approaches through government reform and individual persuasion, will these citizens of the world be able to begin building an economic structure with their great, great grand children in mind.

Summary and Discussion
I agree with those who assert that Governments should never force people to be good. Governments should mainly be in the business of punishing people when they do things that are wrong. Citizens should participate in politics as individuals, and not in affiliation with a religious group as a voting block. There is a need for the separation of the management of church and state.
Imagine that you are the driver in a race and you loose control and spin out on the race track. If you were to regain control one second before impact and were limited to the following three choices, which would you choose? Choice number one would be to turn right and hit the concrete wall and thus destroy your car and die in the process. Choice number two would be to continue straight ahead and hit the end of a metal guard-rail and thus save your own life while destroying your car. Choice number three would be to steer the vehicle left and into the crown of spectators who have gathered to watch the event, thus saving your own life and your car and yet killing six or seven of the fans. What would you decide in the small amount of time that you would have?
Knowing and being connected to those in my community has helped me become willing to die rather than to kill others to preserve my life. I hope that in the future, I will not feel the pressure of time constraints or fall into error because of the terror of experiencing death, if I am ever in such a position and need to make a similar decision. This is the attitude that we must have as we seek to improve the neighborhoods in which we live. There must be determination, courage, and active work motivated by real concern and love for every member of the community regardless of their ethnicity or religious persuasion.
I now view the practices of the most influential group in the community where I grew up differently as I look at these practices using the perspective that I’ve gained during my education. Among the Snomrom uniformity seems to play a large role in their cultural traditions. Harmonious interaction was the goal that led to the code of this group’s traditional worship-day dress. The most interesting manifestation of these rituals is to be found in the powerful cultural and social trends which influence the male practitioners. Social norms require each male to purchase an elaborate and expensive costume made of natural fibers which are dyed to a very dark color. A bib-necklace is also worn over the top of this costume or uniform. If a male wears a different costume to these religious ceremonies he is noticed and extended special warmth and kindness. However, if this male continues wearing non-traditional garb to the religious services, arrangements are made for a used costume of worship-day finery to be provided at no cost to the visitor.
If these gifts are not accepted, the visitor will be treated with suspicion by the frustrated local leadership of the snomrom. This leadership may consider requesting a meeting with the discordant individual about his choice of apparel. The instructions given to these adherents in their sacred books are that no one should be excluded from attending these ceremonies regardless of the composition of their clothing fibers. However, no man, young or old, is encouraged to participate directly in the work of these rituals unless clothed in the appropriate costume, complete with the colorful bib-necklace.
Who are the American Snomrom and where do they live? To answer this question, simply spell Snomrom backward. That is correct! The culture of which I speak, exists among those who are American Mormons like me. Wearing a suit and tie to church on Sundays, is a strange tradition from the perspective of many of those who live in different parts of the world. (In the above section, I borrowed heavily from the Ideas of Horace Miner as found in “Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition” by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 68)
As long as any Church members cherish the idea that they are superior, then that belief may well result in prejudice toward others. Even the mildest for of discrimination is out of line with the teachings of Jesus. One convert believed that he had not been valiant enough to have been born into the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. He said that he did not mind but that he was glad that he was a member at all. Some LDS people seem to believe that there is a specific hierarchy of spiritual talent that existed before we came to this earth life and that it carries over into the mortal sphere. The highest responsibilities would belong to those born into the homes of those who were already members of the Church of Jesus Christ; following close behind would be converts to the LDS Church; in last place straggled all of the non-Mormons. (Summarized from- “Beached on the Wasatch front” - by Karen Margaruet Maloney from Dialogue a Journal of Mormon Thought. pp. 103)
The kind people in the neighborhood where I grew up taught me that I am a child of God. I was treated with warmth and kindness. I was taught by the example of those in the neighborhood that the most important things I could become in my life are a husband and a Father. However, I have realized that they may have done this only because I was one of them.
It is easy to overlook the difficult situations that some have faced when they are not raised in an area where their family is a part of the dominant cultural or religious tradition. If someone was not of the LDS faith and grew up in Bountiful Utah in 1990, they may have had a different experience entirely. I have been able to realize that I grew up in a community that had a long list of things that were deviant behaviors, drinking Coca-Cola, saying swear words, and listening to music the featured electric guitars as an instrument. I have talked with people who lived in our community while they were growing up and heard their stories about the fact that neighborhood children were told not to play with them because they were not LDS. I may not be able to change every community or neighborhood but I can change the way I view my neighbors and reach out in love and brotherhood as we seek to solve the problem of delinquent behavior in our community together.

References:
Corinna Bisegger and Bernhard Cloetta “The CANEP Scale: Preliminary psychometric findings of a measure of youths’ perception of their neighborhood environment”

Giddens, Anthony, et al. “Introduction to Sociology, Sixth Edition”, pp. 68, 247, 285

Park R. 1916. Suggestions for the investigations of human behavior in the urban environment. Am. J. Sociol. 20: pp. 147-154

Tama Leventhal and Jeanne Brooks-Gunn “Children and Youth in Neighborhood Contexts” in Current Directions in Psychological Science. Volume 12, Number 1, February 2003 pp. 30

Maloney, Karen M. “Beached on the Wasatch front” published in “Dialogue a Journal of Mormon Thought.” pp. 103

Grace M. H. Pretty Et al. “Exploring Adolescents sense of community and its relationship to loneliness” Journal of Community Psychology Volume 22, October 1994, pp. 355

Weiss, Harald E., Dissertation Abstracts International Section A: Humanities and Social Sciences, Vol 69(8-A), 2009. pp. 3342.

Allison, Kevin W., Et al. “Life Experiences among Urban Adolescents: Examining the Role of Context” Child Development, July/ August 1999, Volume 70, Number 4, pp. 1019

Fusco, Rachel A., and John W. Fantuzzo “Domestic violence crimes and children: A population-based investigation of direct sensory exposure and the nature of involvement”

Widome, Rachel Ph.D “Measuring Neighborhood Connection and the Association with Violence in Young Adolescents.”

Crowder, Kyle, and Scott J. South “Neighborhood distress and school dropout: the variable significance of community context”

Chambliss, William J. “The Saints and the Roughnecks”

The Swenson Family Meets a Parenting Education Program at the Grassroots Level.

2010-06-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

A Case Study of Tonya and Greg Swenson
By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Tonya is a 45 year old mother of two children, ages 16 and 19. Greg is a 46 year old father of four children, ages 20, 17, 15, and 11. Tonya divorced her first husband four years ago and married Greg two weeks ago after he divorced his first wife of 23 years last year. Greg and his former wife have joint custody of their children and Tonya has sole custody of her children. Most of the children do not want to be part of this new step-family. Tonya’s family had adjusted quite well to their single parent life-style and don’t like having to share the house with a bunch of strangers. Greg’s children are still coping with their parent’s divorce and now have to deal with living with new people. Greg’s oldest child recently moved into his own apartment, rather than live with the new step family. His 17 year old child also has expressed interest in moving out. Greg believes that children should be given lots of chores and responsibility. Greg also believes that a man should be in charge of the house and that all the children should respect their father. Tonya thinks that children should be given lots of love and affection, few rules and restrictions and then things will be just fine. Tonya’s former husband is very bitter about the divorce and likes to use the children as pawns. He will tell the children bad things about their mother and ask the children about the new husband. The children are very confused about the new rules and roles in the home. They don’t know if they need to obey their new step-parent. They really don’t like their new step-siblings. Family life is very unclear and chaotic.

An assessment of parenting practices
The parenting practices in the Tonya and Greg Swenson family seem rather polarized. Greg is an authoritarian parent and Tonya is a permissive parent. For this blended family, the challenges of coming together in a positive way are compounded by the fact that this step family would have an easier time bonding if their parenting styles were reversed. Step-Fathers who are authoritarian have very difficult time interacting with their step-daughters. More fuel is added to the fire in the decision of Greg and Tonya to live in Tonya’s home after their marriage. It would ease the situation over territory if they were to move into a home that is new to all of them.
Tonya’s permissive style would be greatly improved if she were to adopt the ideas of William Doherty in his wonderful book “Taking back our Kids” which he wrote to address what he viewed as a growing confidence gap among American parents. This book describes the pendulum swing that sometimes occurs when children are determined not to repeat the mistakes of their parents. Doherty suggested that in avoiding the expectation of unquestioning obedience from their children, that many parents have become afraid to exercise any authority at all.
Greg would do well to adopt some of the qualities that Tonya shows in her parenting style. “If you suspect that your child is feeling sad, angry, or fearful, it’s helpful to try to put yourself in their shoes, to see the world from their perspective. If you find that you are mad, but you can continue to talk rationally to your child, leading to some degree of understanding, stay engaged. Tell your child what is on your mind, listen to his response, and keep talking. If, on the other hand, you find that you’re so intensely angry that you can’t think clearly, take a break from the situation and return to it later when you feel less aroused. Parents should also retreat if they feel they’re on the verge of doing or saying destructive things, such as hitting or insulting their kids. Spanking, sarcasm, threats, derogatory statements, or expressions of contempt should definitely be avoided. Rather than hitting children or lobbing hurtful comments at them, parents should take a breather, promising they’ll return to the discussion when they are calmer.” (Gottman, John “Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child” pp. 80) We can also learn from the example of other families that the blending of a family can be done in a positive and enjoyable way. “For children and adults involved in ‘blended’ families, the transition can be both challenging and rewarding. A family in rural Kansas has created friendships and connections that are extended to all of its family members. Six years ago two young girls participated in the wedding of their mother and new stepfather. Since then, the girls have helped to raise their half-brother and to support the family cattle and soybean business. The girls’ biological father (a valued parent and friend) is also an active part of the family, visiting frequently, joining celebrations, and involving girls with their paternal relatives. ‘Living here in the Flint hills country on a farm/ranch, we are involved in 4H, and all school activities. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are also a big part of our lives. I feel very fortunate to be a part of this wonderful family. I guess we forget, or just don’t think of ourselves as being ‘blended’, just a family that enjoys, works, listens, and loves each other to the fullest. The girls are lucky that they have two Dads that love and take care of them. I feel this has a great deal to do with our family doing so well together. The two dads do not compete to outdo the other or put the other down. They are both there for the girls and the girls’ needs. I think the girls enjoy having a little brother.” (Giddens, Anthony et al. “Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition” pp. 489) “A stepfamily may be defined as a family in which at least one of the adults is a stepparent. Many who remarry become stepparents of children who regularly visit rather than live in the same household. Stepfamilies bring into being kin ties that resemble those of some traditional societies but that are new in Western countries. Children may now have two “mothers” and two “fathers” – their natural parents and their stepparents. Some stepfamilies regard all the children and close relatives from previous marriages as part of the family. If we consider that at least some of the grandparents may be part of the family as well, the result is a situation of some complexity.
“Certain particular difficulties tend to arise in step families. In the first place, there usually exists a biological parent living elsewhere whose influence over the child or children is likely to remain powerful. Cooperative relations between divorced individuals often become strained when one or both remarry. Take as an illustration the case of a woman with two children who marries a man also with two children, all six living together. If the “outside” parents demand the same times of visitation as previously, the tensions that arise from welding such a newly established family together are likely to be intense. It may prove impossible to have the new family all together on weekends.
“Stepfamilies merge children from different backgrounds, who may have varying
expectations in the family milieu. Since most stepchildren belong to two households, the possibilities of clashes of habits and outlooks are considerable. There are few established norms defining the relationships between stepparent and stepchild. Should a child call a new stepparent by name, or is “Dad” or “Mom” more appropriate? Should the stepparent play the same part in disciplining the children as the natural parent? How should a stepparent treat the new spouse of her previous partner when the children are picked up?
“Research on family-structure effects on children shows that girls experience more detrimental outcomes from stepfamily living, whereas boys demonstrate more negative outcomes from single-parent family living. The more negative effects for boys may be because single-parent family living generally means living with a mother only, and thus the male role model is absent. Girls are more likely to bond with their mothers in this type of family. A remarriage that introduces a stepfather may cause girls to feel that their close relationship with their mother is threatened. It is speculated that this is why girls living in step families experience more negative outcomes.
“Members of stepfamilies are finding their own ways of adjusting to the relatively uncharted circumstances in which they find themselves. Perhaps the most appropriate conclusion to be drawn is that while marriages are broken up by divorce, families on the whole are not. Especially when children are involved, ties persist.” (Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 490)
A parenting education program
William Doherty said in his book, Take Back Your Kids, that “We need to understand that today’s child-rearing problems are bigger than any individual family, that they are community problems as well, and that solutions must also come from the community level. We need to fight against the parental peer pressure that is driving us as parents to continually provide more goods and better services for our children.” Anyone who doubts the power of Grassroots Activism should read the full text of “Grassroots Activism: Mothers of East Los Angeles” by Mary Pardo pp. 467 in Readings for Sociology, Fifth edition edited by Garth Massey. This article shows how people can change their communities when they make their voices heard. This article describes how the placement of a toxic waste incinerator in a community caused women to unite, organize and educate themselves and then successfully take on big business in the political and legal arena. The group “Mothers of East Los Angeles was organized by the initiative of one woman who began speaking with her neighbors and friends about how to protect their children from the dangers that this toxic waste incinerator presented in their community.
Neighborhoods and Communities have a strong influence in the risks to which adolescents are exposed. People have studied the effect of communities in producing a tendency toward the delinquency of its young people. Sociological studies have focused on the way that neighborhoods promote or discourage deviant behavior in
young people. Many of these studies talk about the fact that if neighborhoods have a common positive identity and if they are warm toward and concerned with the safety of other people in the community, that this has a profound effect on discouraging criminal behavior. When people move around a lot and they do not know the people who live near them very well, they are less cautious about hurting the feelings of and destroying the property of their neighbors and those who share the community. These tendencies are linked to the lack of closeness that can be formed with neighbors after years of interaction and also by a disregard for the opinions and feelings of others who live in the neighborhood because of this lack of closeness and warmth. A community forms a reputation over time about the acceptability of drug use and the availability of drug use. The reputation of a community has an effect on the adolescents who are from that city or region. (Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood - third edition - a cultural approach by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett p. 435)
In some families, the parents say, "We do not talk like that in our home." This can build a family identity that is free of profanity. In a similar way communities have a similar belief system and mantra that is out among the members of the community. One might overhear someone say, "Here in our city things are very different, you can get drugs very easily and there are a very large number of people who use drugs in this City. It has always been that way and it will always be that way."
The comprehensive school experience and climate can have a strong influence on adolescents’ choices and the degree to which they participate in risky behavior. School environments can have an influence on the amount of delinquency in a community. The young people from different social classes and family backgrounds and environments are sometimes affected in a similar way by their common school climate.
Schools can also have a positive effect on young people when they have a balance between academically successful students and students who are struggling academically. When there are successful students who are committed to following the rules, they can serve as role models to the other students. These successful students set the tone for the school and it discourages misbehavior by the other students. Another important quality of successful schools is having a belief system that permeates throughout the school. Good belief systems encourage the value of learning and success in this area is rewarded. In successful schools there is a fair system of discipline and this led to low levels of delinquency among the students. (Summarized from Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood - third edition - a cultural approach by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett p. 434)
The Parenting Education program that I have designed is intended to tap in to this grassroots effort to improve communities by using the efforts of the families who are in need. The first eleven weeks of this program will be taught by people who are in their last three weeks of the program. These programs are taught in the homes of the families in the community in a cottage meeting setting. The Swenson family was invited to participate in the program by two men from their neighborhood who came to their door and invited them to participate in a program to strengthen their neighborhood. Because this program is run completely by volunteers it is always free of charge. This helps the neighborhood to improve and become more concerned with the wellbeing of the community as it strengthens individual families as well.

Lesson 1
An example of the influences of the past which I identified recently in my life was one that involved the furnace at our house. When we "turn off the furnace for the summer" it has a feeling of great and ceremonious importance and even if the temperature drops down to an uncomfortable level we do not ever turn the furnace back on in order to heat our home during exceptionally cold spring weather. However, my wife and I realized the other day, that we have newer technology in furnaces in our home than our parents had in their homes as we were growing up. Back in the time that our parents were growing up heating the home again with the furnace involved a more extensive process of lighting the furnace again with a match which could lead to being blown up. Due to technological advances during the course of our lives we can now just switch the furnace to "on" and it will light itself and heat the house even it we have "turned it off for the summer." Having realized this unproductive and uncomfortable tradition in our family we will now turn the furnace on and off whenever the house needs to be cooled or heated. That is progress!
A clergyman in our community shared a very interesting story that occurred many years ago. One of the couples in the congregation was really struggling in their marriage and they came to ask for help. The clergyman identified the main problem which originated in the fact that the husband felt that his wife was very wasteful. The main example of this, the husband said, was the fact that whenever his wife cooked a roast, she would always cut the smallest end off and throw it in the garbage. The clergyman asked the wife why she did this. The wife replied that it was what her mother had always done. In an effort to resolve the argument, the clergyman got on the phone and asked her mother why she cut off the end of the roast and threw it away. She explained that when her daughter was living at home she did not have a roasting pan that was large enough and that is why she would cut the roast and throw some of it in the garbage. This information quickly defused the situation and the couple left with a positive feeling of understanding between them.
“In pre-modern Europe marriage usually began as a property arrangement, was in its middle mostly about raising children, and only in the end was about love. Few couples in fact married for love, but many grew to love each other in time as they jointly managed their household, reared their offspring, and shared life’s experiences. Nearly all surviving epitaphs to spouses evince profound affection. By contrast, in most of the modern West, marriage begins with being in love; in its middle, it is still mostly about raising children (if there are children), and in the end, it is – often – about property, by which point love is absent or a distant memory.” (Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 476)
These two containers represent the time that we make available for our families. One container is larger and one is smaller (the smaller container will be too small to even hold one gumball) if we use this larger container and place the gumballs into the container first and then shake the rice down into the spaces, there will be room for everything. The gumballs represent the good things we can receive from our families such as acceptance, love, companionship and fulfillment. If we place the rice into the container first there is no amount of shaking that will make the gumballs fit as well.
The rice represents common daily tasks. The moral of the story is that we must choose good priorities so that we can keep all of the gumballs. Or, in other words, making time in our lives for each other and then choosing good priorities in using that time will ensure that we will build and maintain positive relationships with each other. This example shows the emphasis that we need to have a sufficient quantity of time if we are to have quality time as well.
Lesson 2
“Research indicates that children often suffer a period of marked emotional anxiety after the separation of their parents. Almost all children experienced intense emotional disturbance at the time of the divorce. Preschool age children were confused and frightened, tending to blame themselves for the separation. Older children were better able to understand their parents’ motives for divorce but frequently worried about its effects on their future and expressed sharp feelings of anger. Children tend to bring memories and feelings of their parents’ divorce into their own romantic relationships. Almost all felt that they had suffered in some way from their parents’ mistakes. It is not surprising that most of them shared a hope for something their parents had failed to achieve – a good, committed marriage based on love and faithfulness. Nearly half of children who go through their parents divorce enter adulthood as worried, underachieving, self-deprecating, and sometimes angry young men and women. Although many of them got married themselves, the legacy of their parents’ divorce lived with them. Those who appeared to manage the best were often helped by supportive relationships with one or both parents. (Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 487) Class members would now discuss the needs of their children and offer ideas and support.

Lesson 3
Refusal techniques are very important for parents to learn. Saying “no” is much easier when you offer alternatives. The practice setting for this lesson will be role-playing a situation when young people will be asking if they can go to Mexico for spring break and drink alcohol and engage in risky sexual activity. Your task as the parent is to practice saying, “No.”
In his book, William Doherty said, “My local newspaper has been running a series on alcohol and teens. Kids in earlier generations drank alcohol, often to excess. The difference now, as documented in the newspaper articles, is that parents supply the keg of beer, the house or hotel room, and the funds to enjoy a Mexican frolic of booze and sex during spring break. Most parents who were interviewed were reluctant to let their children go on a Mexican spring break this year, but were unable to say ‘no’: ‘It’s all kids talk about for months beforehand and months after. You don’t want her to be the only kid at lunch not going. How sad would that be?’ This kind of insecure, confused parenting that can’t say ‘no’ ends up handing over a child to the peer culture.”
Mr. Doherty continues, “A college student whose parents had not let her go to Cancun during high school is now glad her parents insisted on a different kind of spring break. Her trip would have centered only on drinking, she said. ‘I cried for a day, but I got over it. I never would have been able to handle this…’ You sometimes have to withstand your kids’ anger and tears in order to deserve gratitude at a later age.” The final part of this lesson is a role play where parents take turns listening to their children (played by other adults) deeply in order to discover what is really at the root of their concerns.

References:
Gottman, John “Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child” pp. 80

Giddens, Anthony et al. “Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition” pp. 489, 490

Pardo, Mary “Grassroots Activism: Mothers of East Los Angeles” pp. 467 in Readings for Sociology, Fifth edition edited by Garth Massey.

Arnett, Jeffrey Jensen “Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood - third edition - a cultural approach” pp. 434

Doherty, William “Taking back our Kids”

Helping Children Become Emotionally Intelligent Parents

2010-06-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Dr. John Gottman has identified, in his book “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” one of the most important things that we can do as parents to help our “children to be moral and responsible people who contribute to society, who have the strength to make their own choices in life, who enjoy the accomplishments of their own talents, who enjoy life and the pleasures it can offer, who have good relationships with friends and successful marriages, and who themselves become good parents.” (16) One of the most important things that we can do as parents toward the accomplishment of these goals is to coach our children emotionally.
Emotional intelligence is being smart about how other people are feeling, about how we are feeling, and being informed about the impact of these feelings on the world around us. Being emotionally intelligent will help you to calm yourself down when you get upset. Emotionally intelligent people have higher paying jobs, more job security, less legal trouble, better health, a happier family life, are better parents, have better concentration, and are better at understanding other people and what motivates them. Emotionally intelligent people have better friendships, they do better in school, and they show greater wisdom in the decisions that they make about relationships during their lives.
Dr. Gottman tells us that the “path to becoming a better parent begins with self-examination.” (42) There are several, identifiable approaches to parenting. Some of these approaches produce better results than others. Our goal as parents should always be to use only the best tools and parenting styles possible on a daily basis.
Dr. Gottman identifies 4 parenting styles, which are: Dismissing, Disapproving, Laissez-faire, and (The best one) Emotional Coaching. No parent uses only one of these styles all of the time. We each use some of each style at different times. However, when we share principles that can help us improve our parenting, it becomes necessary to put labels on behaviors as a means of discussing them. Yet, we should be reluctant to put these style labels on people as if they are completely and permanently one style or another.
Dr. Gottman teaches us that parents who use the Dismissive parenting style, project their own fear of being “out of control” emotionally on their children by making them feel like their emotions are not important or are not appropriate. Dismissive parents fail to realize the importance of teaching their children that they can trust their own heart. (55)
Disapproving parents take this approach one step further by punishing their children when they show anger or sadness. (57) Children who are raised by parents who use Dismissive or Disapproving styles have a hard time trusting their own judgment, learning to regulate their emotions and solve problems, being able to concentrate, and learning and get along with their peers. (60)
Laissez-Faire parents are on the right track at the beginning, in that they accept their children’s emotions and allow their children to freely express their feelings. Unfortunately Laissez-Faire parents often over-react to the strict policy that was in place within their family of origin, where they were not allowed to express “dangerous” negative emotions. Laissez-Faire parents also miss opportunities to help their children learn from their emotional experiences because these parents set few limits on behavior. The children of Laissez-Faire parents, lack an awareness of how to calm
themselves or escape from painful emotions. (61)
Emotional coaching is the parenting style that helps children learn the most and develop the skills needed to form close and enduring emotional bonds in the future.
Empathy is at the heart of emotional coaching. We begin the life-long process of being a good emotional coach by becoming aware of our own feelings, and giving ourselves permission to express those feelings. The next thing we can do as parents, is to try to put ourselves in our children’s shoes and try to understand what they are feeling and why. We should help our children to identify and label the emotions that they are experiencing. As we demonstrate to our children that we understand and respect the emotions that they are feeling we will be in a good position to be trusted by them. As our children trust that we will not mock or dismiss their feelings, as then realize that they will not be punished for feeling sad or angry, we can talk with them about constructive ways to manage their feelings and set firm limits on behavior that will be respected and followed by our children. Emotional coaching is important because it builds close and intimate bonds of emotional connection and closeness between parents and their children. Emotional coaching helps children to learn the skills that they will need to solve problems in their own lives and to be successful parents and members of society. (67)
Dr. Gottman teaches us that, “When children feel emotionally connected to their parents and the parents use this bond to help kids regulate their feelings and solve problems, good things happen.” (68)
Dismissing and disapproving parents miss the fact that children who witness even heated arguments between their parents which arguments end with compromise, actually learn from and are benefited by witnessing such arguments. (66)
We need to make sure that our children know that we respect them. Our children need to know that we will tell them the truth if we expect them to trust us. Our children need to know that we care about the things that matter the most to them. Reading together is an excellent way for us to find opportunities to emotionally coach our children so that they can win in life. (123)
Emotional coaching does not solve every problem and should not be used when others can hear the sensitive issues that need to be discussed with your child. During times of extreme anger or stress a parent may need to retreat and cool off. (130) If a child has broken a major rule or is trying to manipulate you with your feelings, emotional coaching should be saved for some other time.
Dr. Gottman states that, “When a Mother and Father show hostility and contempt for one another their children suffer.” (138) Divorce can make children twice as likely to experience problems such as dropping out of High School. (144) Parents need to talk with their children about the conflict in their home. (159) Following a divorce, parents need to stay in close contact emotionally for their children. (161)
Fathers are valuable resources for their children in giving them emotional support and guidance. (165) Girls in particular, benefit from a close relationship with their father. “They are less likely to become sexually promiscuous” and are ,”more likely to develop healthy relationships with men when they become adults.” (166)
Parents should stay connected with their children at every stage of their lives. Dads need to help daily in the emotional development and physical care of their children. (177) When children are young we need to help them find comfort for their fears. (204) When our children become teenagers they need our guidance as they seek to establish a positive identity and become part of a positive peer group. (212)
As I reflect on the message shared by Dr. Gottman I am determined to present a parent education work shop. Where I can share some of my own experiences in applying the messages contained in this wonderful book.
I recently taught a class, as a substitute teacher, at an Elementary School here in Davis County. As I was teaching the class, the voice of a school administrator came over the intercom announcing that there was a computer virus on the network at the school and that we would need to shut down all of the computers. After shutting down the computers I continued teaching. I noticed that four of the students, in this second grade classroom, had worried expressions on their faces. These students had been talking to each other while I was shutting down the computers. I did not hear their conversation, and so I asked them what they were feeling. These students turned to one of the girls, their spokesperson, who then asked, “Can computer viruses spread to people?”
Is it any wonder, in a day where swine flu has captured so much attention and required so much activity, that these children would be concerned that their lives may be in jeopardy? I took their concern and worried feelings seriously and explained to them that they were not in any danger. Computer viruses cannot spread to people. The students were relieved to know that they were safe and we continued with the lesson.
Children experience legitimate fears and worries that should not be trivialized or mocked by adults. When we are sensitive to the feelings and emotions of children and help guide them in learning how to regulate their emotions, we have a great influence for good in their lives. Dr. Gottman reminds us in his book that children are “facing life from a much fresher, less experienced, more vulnerable perspective.” (93) When children experience strong emotions for the first time, such as in the case of losing a beloved pet to the confusing state of death, children may feel extremely overwhelmed by such experiences. (92)
I have observed that some children experience fears that are similar to what I remember experiencing during the cold war. As a child, I worried sometimes that a nuclear missile would explode nearby and that I would need to quickly run for cover in order to avoid dying. Children today seem almost as worried about global warming as children of my generation were about the atomic bomb. I have witnessed children who went through their homes turning off all of the lights because they are afraid that the earth will be uninhabitable in a few weeks if the lights are left on too long. The irony here, is that children today may be afraid of both the dark AND the light. We need to be sensitive to the feelings that children experience, to listen carefully, and in some cases, to use our imagination, if we are to be effective in consoling and bringing comfort to the fears that exist in the minds of our children. Dr. Gottman encourages us in his wonderful book to listen carefully as our children play with their toys for hints about the emotions that our children are feeling. (92)
Perception is so important to the emotions that we feel at any given moment. Our perception of reality controls our emotions. As an example, one morning my six-year-old-son was preparing to go to elementary school, as he was zipping up his school
backpack his hand slipped and he hit himself in the face, knocking out one of his teeth. At this point in the story you may have gasped or said in your mind, “Ouch! What a horrible event!”
The other part of this story, the part that changes our perception of the events and thus our emotions, is that the tooth which he knocked out had been very loose for several weeks and each time we tried to pull it out it hurt my son very much. Because of these repeated experiences, my son would no longer allow anyone to touch his tooth. In other words, everyone in the family was very happy that his tooth had been knocked out and nobody was happier about it than my son. The only way that we can monitor and detect our children’s perceptions of themselves and the world around them is by listening very carefully and with empathy.
One semester a student visited a computer lab and began to study. As the student logged on to the computer the student waited and waited and waited for the computer to log on. The student began to think that this computer was not working right but then it finally logged on.
The student typed up the assignment and when it came time to print the paper, once again it took a very long time to send the work to the printer. Throughout the semester the student had the same problem every time he went to the computer lab. At the end of the semester, the student approached the computer lab assistant for the first time and said, “This is the worst computer lab in the world and I have had enough!” I will leave now and never come back to this dysfunctional computer lab!”
The lab assistant asked the student which computers had been tried by the student in that lab during the semester. The student responded that he had used the same computer, the one next to the printer, during the entire semester. The lab assistant kindly explained, “The computer by the printer is the least effective machine in the lab, it has several problems that are not possible to repair. He pointed out to the student that there are no assigned computers in the lab. The lab assistant said, “If you try some different computers you will have a completely different experience in this lab. Making this adjustment will change your view of this lab and help you to really come to love this computer lab deeply for perhaps the first time. If you make this change, I promise that you will have a wonderful experience in this computer lab from this day forward.”
The proceeding story illustrates something important if we consider the computer lab to represent a marriage or a family relationship. Each computer is a different communication tool or approach to loving another person. The computer lab assistant could symbolize a parent, mentor, clergyman, or marriage and family councilor. Sometimes we use the same patterns because they are familiar to us or because that is the way our parents did things. Though these familiar tools can be very frustrating and unproductive, we know they have worked to some degree in the past and so sometimes we continue to use what is familiar. Remember, however, there are no assigned computers in the University computer lab. There are also no assigned communication patterns or approaches to loving our spouse and children, except the patterns we
assign to ourselves through ignorance, impatience and thoughtlessness. Don’t stop trying until you find an approach to loving the most important people in your life that works and helps you to find joy in the marriage and family that you are already in. We know that some computer labs have dangerous and faulty wiring and that sometimes none of the computers are going to work in that lab. However, for the most part our experience in the computer lab is a matter of using the most effective computers or in other words, parenting styles, to accomplish our work of parenting healthy and happy children who love and respect us. We just need to take the time and have the courage to try a few different computers.
In his book “Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child,” Dr. Gottman has provided us with excellent tools that we can use to raise healthy and productive children who can have happy marriages and become effective parents. Effective parents are desperately needed in order to raise future generations in an emotionally intelligent environment.

West Side Story, a warning about the dangers of not being loved by your parents during Adolescence.

2010-06-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Globalization is a major theme and factor in this movie. The immigrants choose to come to America from Puerto Rico, because of the promise of freedom from violence and poverty. However, once they are in America it seems that both of these problems are still a factor for them. This situation causes us to wonder if the American dream is an illusion for those caught in a cycle of poverty. We see that the older people in the Puerto Rican neighborhoods do not understand the culture very well and do not realize the effects that it is having on their children. The parents are unable to understand the complaints and feelings of their children as they seek meaning and identity in a new culture. I think that one of the most subtle messages in this movie comes through the absence of the parents in this movie. We hear the voice of Maria's father calling from the other room when Tony comes calling late one evening; however, we never actually see any of the parents in the film. This is a subtle statement about the fact the many of these children have parents which exert little influence in the lives of their children and do not spend time with them or have a warm loving relationship with them. One of the major risk factors for these young people also appears to be the neighborhood in which they live, this seems to be an environment that produces dangerous behavior, even in those who are trying to be good and escape the violence, to find a time and place for deep and enduring love in their future marriage.
Maria is growing up and when she is able to go to her first dance she wants to have a lower cut dress than the more experienced women will allow her to her to have. Puberty has changed Maria, she has noticed and she wants the boys to notice, she
feels pretty. The imaginary audience is wondering, “Who is that girl that is so pretty?”
There is a cultural contrast that is very stark in the relationship of Maria and Tony. Their ethnic groups are in conflict and there is a high degree of prejudice against each group from the other. The Puerto Rican women seem delighted with the new American culture and the men seem to hate dealing with the lack of economic opportunity for people with their skin color. In the end Cheno, who is meant to be Maria's arranged marriage partner kills Maria's American-style-love-at-first-sight-fellow Tony. It is as if one culture is preventing change by killing the other culture. It is a tragic thing when young people who do not feel sufficient identity as part of a loving family seek an identity as part of a violent gang.
As we think about Bronfronbrenner's Ecological Perspective, we can see that the Puerto Ricans have the added prejudice of the police department against them as a matter of racial persecution. In the depiction of the school representative at the dance, it seems quite obvious that these young people attend a failing school with teachers who are ineffective.
Erikson helps us see the search for identity that Tony is experiencing and the confused reaction of this friend Riff. Riff is stuck in the same identity that Tony used to be in when he was younger. (When your a Jet, little man your a king.) Tony has changed a great deal and those changes are accelerated because of his love for Maria. Toward the end of the show Tony must face his most difficult moment of role confusion after his friend Riff is killed by Maria's brother.
The abstract thinking that is demonstrated by these adolescent children is a curse in
a way because it allows them to fool the police department and to escape detection or capture until several people are dead. The imaginative way that Maria's grieving friend lashes out after being mistreated is a very cruel and creative technique, which ultimately leads to Tony's death.
Gender issues are very apparent in this stereotypical story. The women find their value in being attractive to the opposite sex and the men find their value in being tough, aggressive and unemotional.
In the song, "Officer Krupke" we see the difficult situation that these young people are in. These children do not want to go home at the end of the day because they do not receive love there. They come from homes that are challenged by poverty, substance abuse, transvestite behavior, physical abuse, and working moms (some of them as prostitutes.) We see the effect that it has on these young people as they have way too much free time on their hands. They do not feel a close connection to their parents and so they look to their peer group for acceptance, identity and protection. The peer pressure on Tony is strong even though he has decided to reform his life. Doc is a mentor to Tony and Doc seems to be a strong influence on Tony in helping him escape the life that he had before. When the young people are sent to different government representative and employees they must explain that they do not want to work, they don't get along with other more affluent young people and they are not crazy they just want to be left alone by the police and allowed to do the things that will help them find acceptance in their peer group (Which involves breaking the law.) The answer to the question, "Why can't you just leave us alone?" in this case could be,
"Because you are likely to get killed or kill someone if you continue on in this same direction." The young people feel like the police treat them like they are not even human.
Henry David Thoreau jokingly said that the citizens in his community did not even realize that there was such a place as a jail in their community. Thoreau went to the jail to stay the night for refusing to pay his taxes (he was protesting the legal practice of slavery in the United States of America.) He said that he quickly realized that the main use of time at the facility was spent in looking out of the window. He jokingly said that he would have thought that they could find a better means of employing his abilities than to have him only look out of the window. The point that is made by these young people is sometimes valid and the government sometimes only confronts those who are struggling with superior force. There must be some teaching that takes place beyond just giving people a good beating and locking them up for a while. It seems to me that what these young people need is a balance between the unfeeling and hateful police force (who sabotage their own efforts to fight crime by getting information from the people on the street) and the permissive and enabling "doc" who allows them the privacy they desire while they conduct their war council. The main criticism of these young people about the attempts of society to help them seems to be the absence of love from every entity. These young people want to be loved and they feel like all they have is each other. Unfortunately, they are all in the same boat, terribly inexperienced with life and unable to check the impulsive behavior that leads their group into major trouble.
This group of young people, show a very high degree of pragmatism after the fight, in their approach to covering up their activities on the night of the fight. The new leader of the Jets advises everyone to calm down and play it cool so that they can live to old age and die in bed.
The impulsive and sometimes ineffective decision making process that is a part of adolescence is what gets Tony into big trouble and leads to his death. Tony goes to the fight between the Jets and the Sharks without thinking too much about the potential of danger to himself. As a result he ends us killing his girlfriend's brother. If Tony's brain had been more developed he may have realized that the best way to stop the fight would be to alert the police department of its location. Later on, Tony also acts very impulsively when he thinks that Maria is dead. Tony rushes out to find Cheno so that he can die as well. Tony would have been wise to first verify that his lover was indeed dead before seeking out the vicious, jilted Cheno. Tony seeks “suicide by Cheno” (instead of cop.)
In this movie it seems at first that Tony and Maria are very good people and that they have a bright future. During the imagined wedding scene at the dress shop between Tony and Maria, one can observe that they both have loving parents who they imagine are in attendance and they seem caring and supportive. To me this really reinforces the importance of being a good parent so that our children can find happiness and positive peer groups to be a part of as they demonstrate the ability to form close emotional bonds.
Interestingly this movie may actually amplify the misconception of many people that
adolescence is always a period of storm and strife. Parents who watch "West Side Story" may come to believe that their teenagers are going to follow in this same path and that they are little criminals just waiting for an opportunity to act. If parents do not treat their children with respect and trust them to make good decisions they may indeed turn out to be the police-officer-hating types shown in the movie who have learned how to hate authority from a very early age, starting at home.
In Clearfield, Utah, where I live we saw a tragic story in the news recently. A young man walked down to the train tracks, set his school bag down, and then walked in front of a train. This young man died as a result of these choices. This story does not end for our family at that point however, because this young man has a sister who is in my oldest daughter’s class at the Elementary School. It seems that this young man may have been motivated in his suicide because of the constant fighting and hostility that he witnessed at home between his mother and father. This tragic situation really hit home for our family. As puberty has started earlier with succeeding generations the powerful emotions and relational dynamics have also started to occur earlier in the lives of children. Parents have such an important role in helping children to navigate the teenage years. Years that will shape the rest of their lives for good or ill.

When the Alluring World Calls

2010-06-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

My daughter holds my hand,
She's not quite two years old.
She wants to go exploring.
She's fearless and she's bold.

As we're walking down the hall,
She see's an open door.
She tugs and wants to go inside,
She's sure it offers more.

I can read the sign,
Which has been posted there.
Danger! High voltage inside!
I hold her back because I care.

My daughter starts to cry,
She doesn't like what I am doing.
She wants to go inside.
And find excitement that is brewing.

As we now continue,
And once the danger's past,
My daughter stops her crying
And there is peace at last.

My daughter is now fourteen,
She doesn't like the rules.
She sometimes hates her parents,
And thinks that we are fools.

Yet, later in her life,
When she can understand,
She will see it's wise to walk,
The course her Father planned.

(In regard to this poem, I echo the words of J. Paul Hunter et al. who said, “The event described here is fictional. My children are not yet that old and do not feel like the girl described in the poem. I imagined this event in order to analyze and articulate how such an event might feel in certain circumstances. A work of literature can be true without being actual.”)

A great sermon delivered from a wheelchair:

2010-05-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

A great sermon delivered from a wheelchair:

Well, Brothers and Sisters, thank you for being here. We'll see how long my voice holds out. One of the problems I have now is that my vocal cords are kind of paralyzed but they are paralyzed closed and so it's harder to breathe. But at least I can do it on my own now. (Laughter of Congregation) I couldn't for a while. One of the things that I have learned Brothers and Sisters is that Gratitude is the antidote to bitterness. My life has been so rich and full with my family, that if I was to drop dead right now all I could say to God is, "Thank you for the Good things that have happened in my life and for my association with my children and with my wife." I think that one of the things that is important for us to remember is that we're all going to have to face trials. Everybody has a little bit different ones. Some may be physical, some may be more problems in the heart, the spiritual problems. But, I think that the message that Alma had in Alma Chapter 34 where he says, "don't procrastinate the day of your repentance." What he's talking about is he's telling the Zoramites who have rejected Christ and even rejected the notion that there could be such a being as Jesus Christ, he's telling them that they can't afford to wait another day until you plant in your heart that notion that Jesus is the Savior and build on that foundation. There has been twice now, once in the Hospital when they sung "How firm a foundation" There were two versus that stuck in my mind and one of them was that, "Even if through fiery trials thy pathway lie, My grace all sufficient shall be thy supply, The flame shall not hurt thee, My only design - thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." And I can remember laying in that hospital bed and thinking you know I may just come out of this a better person than came in. Then I started to wonder just a little bit what the gold was that would be refined and what things would be purged away from me and what I needed to dump and get rid of. You know it was a neat feeling, to know that the Savior can bring good out of troubling times.
(This man held up his gait belt.) I don't know if most of you know what this is, They call it a gait belt that's G A I T. What they do with it is, it's basically a handle that you put on yourself and you don't move out of this chair to anywhere without it on. Because if you should fall or loose your balance, this is the only thing that someone can grip to hold on to you. Otherwise you biff it and you're on your face on the floor. I've had this experience two times now but I did have the gait belt on so the people who were helping me, even though the weight differential was not in their favor, I can say that I just gently hit the floor. No damage was done, but it scares you to death. I've thought about spiritual gait belts Brothers and Sisters. Spiritual gait belts would be the things that we give God so that he can hold on to us. In our Stake Conference we sang this song, "How Firm a Foundation" and the third verse really, really struck home to me and it says, "Fear not, I am with thee, Oh be not dismayed for I am thy God and will still give thee aid, I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand (Boy that got my attention) and cause thee to stand, upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand." And when we sang that, there was an image that came into my mind. When someone is helping you with the gait belt you can't see who is there and if you are standing up and your a little wobbly all you get is this little pull to bring you back into balance to keep you from falling onto your face. (Every once in a while they make a mistake, they thing you are falling forward when you are really trying to walk forward and so they pull you back and you can't go anywhere.) (Laughter of Congregation) Anyway into my mind came this picture and I could see myself in this very dark place off in the distance. I was struggling to walk over some very uneven ground. I can walk with a cane as long as someone is holding on to me, but you sort of have to drag your left foot, so I'm on this uneven ground but, I am far enough away from myself that I can see that there is a person dressed in brilliant white who has a hold of my gait belt. And I recognize that's its Jesus Christ. And I think to myself, how many times in my life has the Savior had a hold of me and saved me from complete disaster. Then I started thinking, it's probably quite a few, because you can't see who has got a hold of you, probably more than I ever thought it was or realized. And then, I thought too about, what are some of the spiritual gait belts that you and I can put on so that the Savior can have a hold of us. And the trick to the gait belt is that you have to have it on BEFORE you try anything. Because if you don't have it on your going to stand up and start to fall or you're going to miss the chair or something, there is no time to hook it on. There is no way that anyone can really help you because there is nothing to hang onto, I suppose they could grab your hair or something but that probably would not feel too good.
I would like to suggest to you some spiritual gait belts that we can wear, I think it takes times to put them on, it's kind of like in how stalactites form in caves, that little drop of water comes down through the limestone and it picks up a lot of minerals and then it just hangs for a moment on the ceiling of the cave, but that is enough time for it to make a mineral deposit, over a hundred years it can make a stalactite and the same thing happens when it falls on the floor. We need to be prepared when the crisis comes, we need to have a little gas in the tank, or a little money in the bank that you can draw on. There are some things that are the spiritual gait belts that allow God to hold on to us. I think one of the most critical gait belts that allows Heavenly Father to hold on to us is the covenants that we make and KEEP. Keeping is the important thing. You know sometimes you think of doing something and then you think, well, I promised God that I wouldn't do that, and you could use that as an excuse if someone is trying to get you to do something wrong and you tell then, "I promised Heavenly Father that I would not do that." And they generally don't argue with you. Another one is the commandments we keep, and then the scriptures and our family relationships I think are a gait belt too. It's like my wife one time, somebody was taking to her about the fact that we didn't watch R-rated movies and kept telling her, "This is really a great movie, it's R-rated but, you've got to watch it." And my wife said, "I couldn't do that to my children because they know that we've taken a stand against that and I would not betray them just to watch this movie." So family relationships are a gait belt that helps to keep us on track. Music can be another one.

We are going to Alma 34:33 this is where they have rejected Christ.
"33 And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed."

You know Brothers and Sisters, in just a few minutes I went from total recognition of everything that was going on around me and, and even knew that I was having a stroke, and my wife called 911 but by the time they could get to the house I was unconscious and I stayed that way for three months. I was shocked when at Christmas time, (I had the stroke on the 18th of September), and then before Christmas I was awake enough to kind of ask where I was and how long I had been there. And when my daughter told me I had actually been in the Hospital for three months, when the hospital staff in the ICU was sitting there saying to me, "the first time you were here... and the second time you were here... and the third time you were here." I thought, "Good grief, where have I been?" But I was so surprised, but it was like that night of darkness where no labor could be performed. And there were times during that, I am so grateful for your prayers Brothers and Sisters because in that night of darkness mine didn't amount to very much. I could not pray for myself, and there were times when I would think, "you haven't prayed you haven't been to church", and I would try to form the thoughts of a prayer but somehow they would kind of get lost in the darkness.
As my wife and I were preparing to leave California to come back home, and I had been listening to Brooks and Dunn who are some country western singers. They have this one song and its always so sad but the taxi cab is waiting and he decides that there must be a better way to tell her goodbye. And it didn't take me long to figure that one out, I wasn't going to tell my wife goodbye, I was just going to bring her back to Utah with me. (Laughter of Congregation) And then it says, "If I had a horse I'd ride off into the sunset, If I had wings I'd fly up into the sky so blue, If I could spend my whole life dreaming I'd wake up still in love with you." And that's what I told my wife, "After three months I woke up and I'm still in love with you." And that has been my privilege ever since, that's been my privilege every day now and we've talked about that a little bit. One of the things that happened to me in the hospital is that I just had a renewed and incredible appreciation for everyone in my family and especially for my wife. She's really a first class grandma I'll tell you, She's always recognized that children need hands on experience with things. I always remember one time that she upset all the mothers at a family thanksgiving party because she cut the top off of a pumpkin and then invited all the little kids to stick their hands inside of there and feel what is inside of it. (Laughter of Congregation) And so they had pumpkin innards up to their elbows and their mothers weren't very happy about that, the kids thought it was great. I told my son one day that the best thing I ever did for him was to marry his mother. That is one thing that I do remember, after the three months of not really knowing anything I loved to look at the picture of my wife and the children that was in my hospital room. I just have a renewed appreciation of my wife and all of the things that we have had together. My children and grand children were there with me but at first I was thinking, "where are they?" But, I had some secondary infections and so my children and grand children could not come and see me. I realized that hospitals can be lonely places because they had that swine flu scare and they didn't want people to bring it to me and finish me off.(Laughter of Congregation) Those sacred family relationships are some of the gait belts that God can use to hold on to us. And then the other two gait belts are music and the hymns are good, Someone also made a CD that they gave me, but things were so sketchy for me at that time, if you came to visit me and I don't remember it I apologize to you, but I was in so many different places, I was in four different hospitals, some of them for a short time. It was like, "Where am I today?" You're at Health South. You are in the IHC facility in Murray Utah. It was kind of hard to keep track of where I was. And wouldn't you know it, every day was a memory test, "Who are you, where are you, why are you here, what are you doing?" Most of the time I knew some of the answers.
Another very important gait belt is the promptings of the spirit. You know just those little nudges that hold us back from making mistakes or that provide us guidance and comfort and it is a wonderful way for God to hold on to us and so we need to open ourselves to those promptings. Maybe I'll just share with you one time, I don't know where I was, I was being admitted to an intensive care unit and this little nurse, I kind of thought she was obnoxious to me, she comes us, and I'm barely conscious and she kept shaking me and saying, "Sir can you hear me?" And I said, "Yea, I can hear you." And I'm like, "what do you want, why can't you just leave me alone?" (Laughter of Congregation) And she is really insistent and she won’t quit. And then she asked me a question, she said, "What do you want us to do for you?" "Sir can you hear me?" "Yea, I can hear you." "What do you want us to do for you?" And I thought, "Well, you're the medical staff why are you asking me?" (Laughter of Congregation) And then I thought, you know I can't answer your question until I know what his plan is. And so, a few years before, I had made my peace with God and so, but I love what Jesus said in the 19th section of the Doctrine and Covenants, he said, "I came not to do mine own will but the will of who’s I am." So Jesus didn't even consider that his own life belonged to him. So as she was trying to beat this answer out of me, I thought, well, I can't tell you unless I know the will of who’s I am. And so I said in my mind to heavenly father, "On another occasion when I was laying in a hospital bed, you promised me that I would know when it was time to leave this life." and he said, "Yes, I promised you that." So I said, "Is it time to go?" And when I thought that, I saw my children and grandchildren, and it was kind of weird because I'm in this emergency room but I see them and they're outside, in an outdoor setting and I see them and my grandchildren and children are talking to each other and the thought I had was, "There are still some things that you need to do for them, so it's not time." So.. "Sir can you hear me?" I said, "Yea, I can hear you." "What do you want us to do for you." Well, since it wasn't time to check out I said, "Well just do whatever you need to, to save my life." And later on, when nobody was sure whether I would make it or not, they came back to that answer to kind of plot their strategy to help me. So that was one of the promptings of the spirit that I felt during that sort of dark time. I'll tell you Brothers and Sisters, it is really weird to wake up and a quarter of a year has passed by and you don't even know what has happened in that time.
But, one of the other things that I am really grateful for is back in December when I came home from the Hospital, I called Brother Olivera and asked him if he would come and give me a priesthood blessing and I told him that there was really only one thing that I really wanted and if God saw fit to give it I would be happy, and that was that I wanted to keep my voice because I wanted to be able to continue to bear testimony of Christ and the restoration of the gospel. Since then I have thought, "why didn't you say you wanted to breathe?" (Laughter of Congregation) and I guess because testifying is what breathing is for. And so he came over that Sunday afternoon and that was the blessing that he gave me, was that I would be able to keep my voice so that I could continue bearing testimony to my children and grandchildren of Christ and the Restoration of the Gospel. During that night of darkness, wherein there could be no labor performed, it was interesting because my thought kept turning to the Savior. But, it's in a different sort of way. I think that all those years of teaching played a big role in it, but the words of the prophet Isaiah would come into my mind and I would ask a question, and in answer to the questions the words of Book of Mormon prophets would come into my mind and they would add depth and meaning and understanding to what Isaiah had said. And I even learned some things that I didn't know during that time through those impressions. Brothers and Sisters, the Book of Mormon is the word of God and it is the greatest commentary on the writings of Isaiah that you'd ever find. The Book of Mormon prophets had a clear vision of what Isaiah was talking about, that's why Nephi could say that when he wanted to teach his brothers that he would turn to the scriptures, and when he wanted to teach them about Christ more especially he would turn to the Book of Isaiah. And so I thought that we could just share a few passages from Isaiah and the Book of Mormon. Well, it's my testimony but it will be in their words. And so I've asked my son if he would read for me.

Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel."

Immanuel is usually translated, God is with us, but it is much more than "God is on our side" it would be better translated "God will come down among us."
1 Nephi 11:12-21
"12 And it came to pass that he said unto me: Look! And I looked as if to look upon him, and I saw him not; for he had gone from before my presence.
13 And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white.
14 And it came to pass that I saw the heavens open; and an angel came down and stood before me; and he said unto me: Nephi, what beholdest thou?
15 And I said unto him: A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins.
16 And he said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God?
17 And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
18 And he said unto me: Behold, the virgin whom thou seest is the mother of the Son of God, after the manner of the flesh.
19 And it came to pass that I beheld that she was carried away in the Spirit; and after she had been carried away in the Spirit for the space of a time the angel spake unto me, saying: Look!
20 And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms.
21 And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?"

O.K. So Nephi has a vision of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ and he confirms in no uncertain terms what Isaiah said. The place that most scholars miss it, is they think that the virgin birth was a sign to Ahaz, well, I'm sorry, Ahaz was the king of Judah at that time, but the virgin birth is a sign to all of us as to who the Savior was and Nephi sees the actual event 600 years before it happens. A little later on King Benjamin is talking and he explain the event.

Mosiah 3: 5-8
"5 For behold, the time cometh, and is not far distant, that with power, the Lord Omnipotent who reigneth, who was, and is from all eternity to all eternity, shall come down from heaven among the children of men, and shall dwell in a tabernacle of clay, and shall go forth amongst men, working mighty miracles, such as healing the sick, raising the dead, causing the lame to walk, the blind to receive their sight, and the deaf to hear, and curing all manner of diseases.
6 And he shall cast out devils, or the evil spirits which dwell in the hearts of the children of men.
7 And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.
8 And he shall be called Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Father of heaven and earth, the Creator of all things from the beginning; and his mother shall be called Mary."

We can see from the words of King Benjamin that Immauel is much more than a sign to a wicked king that God would somehow be on their side, it's the very God of Israel himself who comes down, you have to remember that he said to Nephi, "Do you understand the condescention of God" and Nephi said, "Well, I don't know everything but I do believe what my father taught. Well, condescention means to descend from a higher state to a lower one. And so, when you think of it in the way these Book of Mormon prophets talk about it, the God of Israel, Jehovah or Jesus Christ is the one who pays the price for our sins and brings about the resurrection. I hope that you can catch the Joy in the words of Isaiah.
Isaiah 9:1-5
"1 Nevertheless the dimness shall not be such as was in her vexation, when at the first he lightly afflicted the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, and afterward did more grievously afflict her by the way of the sea, beyond Jordan, in Galilee of the nations.
2 The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.
3 Thou hast multiplied the nation, and not increased the joy: they joy before thee according to the joy in harvest, and as men rejoice when they divide the spoil.
4 For thou hast broken the yoke of his burden, and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, as in the day of Midian.
5 For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire.

Well, a couple of years ago, I studied the Book of Isaiah very carefully. I had ten different translations of it and I read all of them and then I wrote down what I thought it said in my own words. So, I have a little book I wrote that says, "What Isaiah says to me." Now who can argue with that? (Laughter of Congregation) And so, what Isaiah says here is that Israel’s enemies are going to be defeated. And what are our greatest enemies, it's death and hell right? He's kind of cast it a little bit in a political situation there, he uses some history to emphasize it, but when I read where he said this victory is not going to be like a victory from a battle where there is bloody clothing and bodies stomped into the mud, he says it's not going to be that way, and then he breaks forth with that joyous cry, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given." And we know who that is, when I read it at first, I thought to myself, what role did fire play in ancient worship. And well, that was the burnt offering for sin, is where they employed fire. But, what a joyous cry you know, our enemies death and hell will be defeated, not with a human battle, but with a sacrifice.
Isaiah 9:6-7
6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this."

And I feel that same joy, Brothers and Sisters, that Isaiah felt, in that joyous cry, "For unto a us a child is born..." And then you could ask yourself, "What kind of sacrifice would that be?" Amulek has the answer and tells us what kind of sacrifice it will take.
Alma 34:9-15
"9 For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.
10 For it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice; yea, not a sacrifice of man, neither of beast, neither of any manner of fowl; for it shall not be a human sacrifice; but it must be an infinite and eternal sacrifice.
11 Now there is not any man that can sacrifice his own blood which will atone for the sins of another. Now, if a man murdereth, behold will our law, which is just, take the life of his brother? I say unto you, Nay.
12 But the law requireth the life of him who hath murdered; therefore there can be nothing which is short of an infinite atonement which will suffice for the sins of the world.
13 Therefore, it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice, and then shall there be, or it is expedient there should be, a stop to the shedding of blood; then shall the law of Moses be fulfilled; yea, it shall be all fulfilled, every jot and tittle, and none shall have passed away.
14 And behold, this is the whole meaning of the law, every whit pointing to that great and last sacrifice; and that great and last sacrifice will be the Son of God, yea, infinite and eternal.
15 And thus he shall bring salvation to all those who shall believe on his name; this being the intent of this last sacrifice, to bring about the bowels of mercy, which overpowereth justice, and bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance."

So it's an infinite and eternal sacrifice that saves us. Because he was the son of God, Jesus Christ had all of the qualities that allowed him to make the Atonement that would be infinite and eternal on our behalf.
And then we're going to finish with, what I think are the most expensive twelve verses in all of scripture, it's where Isaiah gives an account of the Atonement of the Savior in Isaiah Chapter 53. But, the thing that makes these the most expensive verses in all of the scriptures is that when Isaiah teaches these things he pays for it with his own death. These are part of the words that Abinidi says just before they burned him at the stake. And then Joseph Smith translates these words in the Book of Mormon and then he's assassinated on the 27th of June 1844. In order to fulfill the prophecy Jesus Christ has to give up his own life on the cross to work out the Atonement. So these are some very expensive verses.
Mosiah 14:1-12
"1 Yea, even doth not Isaiah say: Who hath believed our report, and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?
2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of dry ground; he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6 All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquities of us all.
7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb so he opened not his mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment; and who shall declare his generation? For he was cut off out of the land of the living; for the transgressions of my people was he stricken.
9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no evil, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief; when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
11 He shall see the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied; by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death; and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bore the sins of many, and made intercession for the transgressors."

O.K. those are twelve of the most expensive versus of Scripture. And of course we know enough about the atonement to recognize that there is only one person who is being described there and it is the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
I will just share one other thing that I learned while I was totally out of it. I was a relationship between two passages of scripture in a way that I hadn’t before. I can remember laying there and thinking of Isaiah chapter 40 where Isaiah says that when Jehovah comes that he will be a shepherd that will carry his lambs in his bosom and gently lead them. So there is a promise that the Savior is going to look after you. But then I thought of John Chapter 10 where Jesus doesn’t hesitate to affirm that, “I am the good shepherd” “I AM the good shepherd and know my sheep and am known of mine.” “As the Father knoweth me even so know I the Father, and I lay down my life for the sheep.” And then I thought, could it be that, and it is because of the reaction, the Jews then decided to kill Jesus. And Jesus said, “For which of the good works that I’ve done are you going to kill me?” And they said, “Oh, we’re not going to kill you because of anything you’ve done. We’re going to kill you because you are just a man and you are trying to make yourself out to be a God.” So, see when he states that, “I am the good shepherd,” I think he was claiming to be the fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy in the 40 Chapter. In other words what he had said to them is that I am the God of Israel who is the good shepherd that will come to carry his lambs in his bosom. And I think that they knew what he was saying and that is why they got all bent out of shape and accused him of being a blasphemer. It was more that just a cute little metaphor what he was saying was a claim to be the fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophecy that the Lord God would come and be a good shepherd to his people (See also Ezekiel Chapter 34) and they knew it but they rejected it.
Well Brothers and Sisters, the Book of Mormon is the word of God and it helps us to understand the other scriptures. The prophet Joseph told us that it is the most correct of any book of earth and that if we would abide by its precepts we would get closer to God than by following the teachings in any other book. And on the matter of – was there a virgin birth, is Christ the Son of God? There’s no wiggle room in the Book of Mormon and my testimony to you is that Jesus Christ still lives, that he is our Savior. And as the thoughts of these scriptures passed through my mind at the hospital they were a tremendous comfort to me. I love God with all my heart. Somebody once asked me why I didn’t just pray for a miracle and to be healed, and one of the blessings that has come from not having done that is that everyone in our family has had to look deep in our hearts and rely on our faith in Jesus Christ in some pretty scary and dark times in the last few months. I guess I didn’t realize at the time that my children who live out of state were at the hospital because it didn’t look like I was going to leave and so they came to pay their last respects. My wife had asked my Father and one of my sons if they would come and give me a blessing, a priesthood blessing, and my son was telling me about it and he said, “You know Dad, before I gave you the blessing I was really convinced that you were not going to make it." And so I said, “So what happened then, did God over-rule you preconceived notions?” (Laughter of Congregation) And he said, ‘Yes he did, he said, when I put my hands on your head and went to speak I just had this warm reassurance that you were going to make it and that you would be alright.’ And I’ll tell you Brothers and Sisters, I have no complaints now at all. I’m grateful that I can breathe. And the next time someone says to me “have you been born again?” I’m going to rip my shirt up and say, “Yes, here is the second belly button, where they had the feeding tube in, so I’ve got proof that I’m born again how about you?” (Laughter of Congregation) I think that what I did during that time when I couldn’t do anything else… I did gain a greater appreciation of my wife and my children. And I think all of us were tested and tried and our love for one another was strengthened and increased and for that I am grateful. I want you to know that I love Jesus Christ and I am so thankful and appreciative of what he has done for me throughout my life and especially through these last few months. When someone asked, “Why don’t you just ask for a miracle?” I thought, “Well, I don’t mind standing in line while he takes care of other people who are sick and that need his help. He can get around to me whenever he feels like it, I’ll be happy and all I can say is just, thank you for the joy and happiness that I have had in my life. Thank you for your prayers Brothers and Sisters at a time when I could not even pray for myself. We felt your sustaining influence and it’s more than prayers too, I came home to a house that had been remodeled to have everything that I need in my condition now, and I just could not believe that friends and neighbors would invest that kind of effort in me. Thank you so much. And you’ll never know what it did for the rest of the family too to feel that kind of support. And I don’t know yet that I am really fully aware of what people did, I keep getting surprises. Like the other day I put on a music CD and they tell me well, someone come to the hospital and brought it to you, and I was like, well I don’t remember that but it sure is fun to listen to, and its inspiring music. So Brothers and Sisters, my hope tonight is that we’ll all put on our spiritual gait belt, do it soon, don’t wait another day because we never know what’s going to happen and you’ve always got to be prepared for whatever happens. Just those little things we do every day, saying our prayers, reading the scriptures, expressing our love to each other, helping somebody who is down, and then when we feel those little, sort of tugs on the gait belt that help us maintain our spiritual stability. My prayer is that we will be able respond to those. It doesn’t take much, it’s pretty subtle, it’s not like one person who used to help me and he would throw me around like a bag of potatoes. He didn’t realize that with just a little bit of steadying I could get up myself. Thank you Brothers and Sisters and I would also like to bear testimony to what a privilege it has been to be a part of the restoration of the gospel. This work that we are engaged in is still in its infancy even after 100 years. And our job is to prepare, to establish Zion, to receive that Savior at his coming. Our obligation is to purify our hearts and invite as many of our Brothers and Sisters in the world as we can to do so as well. I am thankful to the Savior for my very life and the life of my family and for the commandments and the covenants that he has given. So put your gait belts on and enjoy the ride is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Wild, Tangled Places

2010-05-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Deep in the wild, tangled places,
Where the close trees block the sun.
Are those who gather with youthful faces.
They've come to find some fun.

Society builds for children a park.
And makes it a safe place to play.
Yet some children go to play in the dark,
Shutting out the light of the day.

Curiosity and a wish for adventure
Can attract children to the woods.
These children want to appear more mature
By taking more risks than they should.

Some find excitement by fording a river,
While it's raging right after the rain,
(A thought that makes wise people shiver)
For excitement can turn into pain

It's better to seek peace and safety.
We don't need to make our lives rough.
For, after a while it's easy to see,
Normal life is exciting enough.

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Poetic Justice

2010-04-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

Joe Wright’s adaptation of “Pride and Prejudice” is one of the greatest films of all time.

2010-04-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Joe Wright’s adaptation of “Pride and Prejudice” is not only based on one of the greatest books of all time it is also one of the greatest films of all time.
Sometimes we jump to conclusions about other people and let our pride stand in the way of us getting to know them fully and as a result we never give them a chance. There is, at the same time, value in waiting to find the right person to marry. Caution is wise, because deception is possible at the hands of a perfidious lover.
Pride and Prejudice is a wonderful book written by Jane Austen. This new film version of the novel, directed by Joe Wright, is breathtakingly beautiful. The film tells the story of Elizabeth Bennett, a comparatively poor young woman who is searching for love. She meets a man named Mr. Darcy who she misjudges and decides to hate. Later in the movie she must revise her earlier judgments and ends up marrying this wealthy and wonderful man.
This film could be considered a "period film" because it does show the English clothing and countryside at the turn of the 19th century in a very convincing and authentic way. The Production Designer, Sarah Greenwood, does a superb job along with the Costume Designer, Jacqueline Durran of producing and authentic Mis en scene for the film. In one of the final scenes of the film as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett agree to spend their lives together they do not kiss, they only put their heads close together as the morning light shines between them. What a great job of filming by the director of Photography, Roman Osin. Only after they are married do we see them kiss in the film and this fits in to the rules of society for that time period.
The lighting is very effective in the scene where Mrs. Bennett and Mr. Collins are discussing the possibility of his marrying one of the daughters. In the background we see the shady lighting with all of the daughters in the background like they are being auctioned off like cattle; Shady lighting for shady dealings.
I love the fade that goes from Elizabeth Bennett as she is blowing on a feather in her hand, to the fire at the party – with the sound of flaring flames as an audible connector which unifies the transition.
The editor also achieved a wonderful transition by cutting on action in order to remove the people from the dance scene between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. The Editor, Paul Tothill, shows such skill and good judgment in the job he did editing of this film. This scene effectively shows how intently Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett have focused their thoughts, emotions, and attention upon one another in an attempt to figure out what the other person is thinking.
The Music by Dario Marianelli infuses this film with a profound emotional impact. The music that plays, matches the dialogue perfectly, when Elizabeth goes to visit Mr. and Mrs. Collins at Kent. The non-melodic, aimless music in this scene is very well suited to show the boring passage of time that has occurred up until Elizabeth went to Kent.
When Mr. Darcy comes abruptly to visit Elizabeth at the cottage, at the beginning of the scene Elizabeth is seated and Mr. Darcy is standing but then Elizabeth stands up and the camera angle is on eye level. This suggests to us effectively that Elizabeth Bennett is in every way Mr. Darcy's equal.
This film is also the product of an excellent Screenplay by Debora Moggach. The background dialogue in the text delivered by Mr. Collins as he is preaching is the perfect precursor to the realization that Elizabeth has as she learns of the role that Mr. Darcy played in separating her sister Jane, from Mr. Bingley. The change in focus of the camera upon Mr. Darcy and then back to Elizabeth when Mr. Darcy looks at her and she gasps and looks forward again, is a brilliant and effective way to show how her outward curiosity changes to inward horror and rage.
This film has a abundance of excellent camera work. One of the most classic is the scene where Mr. Wickam speaks to Elisabeth Bennett to justify his situation by lying to Elizabeth about the past actions of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Wickam is standing and Elizabeth is seated. This high/low camera angle during the scene between Mr. Wickam and Elizabeth Bennett shows the way that Mr. Wickam is dominating her emotions through his deceptive words.
The dark and rainy weather in the conflict scene, as Mr. Darcy proposes and is rejected, reflects the bad mood of Elizabeth. After he is rejected, Mr. Darcy also experiences a shift to being in a bad mood as well. The thunder rumbles in perfect timing orchestrated by the sound designer, just after Mr. Darcy makes an insulting assessment of her family. This sound of thunder signals the moment that Elizabeth looses her temper. It is one of the best and most emotionally riveting scenes I have ever seen.
The Casting by Jina Jay is so well done Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyn are supremely convincing as they portray this relationship that grows and changes so much
during this film. Each character in the film is a perfect match to those in the story. Elizabeth’s mother even manages to be neurotic without being annoying or unbelievable. The actor’s portrayal of Mr. Collins is also absolutely priceless! This is a team effort and it is a masterpiece.
Most people end up marrying someone who is like them in intelligence and values. Wickam and Lydia, the first couple in the Bennett household to marry, seem to suggest to us that they deserve each other because of their lack of character and that they will no doubt be miserable together. When Mr. Bingley and Jane marry, we may feel that love can conquer all. When Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy marry we can feel that there is the possibility for happy endings and true love that lasts forever.
Whom we marry is of the utmost importance to our happiness and this movie gives us the best marriage partner selection advice – True and enduring love must be based on more than the physical attraction which Elizabeth first felt for Mr. Wickam. True love is the product of careful and patient study and action which sometimes requires revision and forgiveness along the way.
Joe Wright’s “Pride and Prejudice” is one of the greatest films of all time because of the culminating efforts of many talented people. This beautiful film was only possible through the efforts of an excellent cast, talented crew, and an amazing director. This film skillfully portrays a timeless message that is true and ever so important in this world that we share together.
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Court Room Humor

2010-04-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

Perception controls emotion – if you can’t change your circumstances to find peace and happiness, change your perceptions instead.

2010-04-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithepoet

As an example, one morning as my son was preparing to go to elementary school as he was zipping up his school backpack his hand slipped and he hit himself in the face, knocking out one of his teeth.
The other part of this story, the part that changes our perception of the events and thus our emotions, is that the tooth which he knocked out had been very loose for several weeks and each time we tried to pull it out it hurt very much. Because of these experiences my son would no longer allow anyone to touch his tooth. In other words we were all so happy that his tooth had been knocked out and nobody was happier than my son.

When we view things from an eternal perspective, we see things that same way that God sees them and we then can feel the same way that God feels about them. In the Book of Mormon we see evidence of this when Alma the elder rejoices in the immobilization of his son Alma the younger. Another example is when Ammon, one of the sons of Mosiah, witnesses thieves steeling the sheep that he is supposed to be guarding, he rejoices as well because he sees this as an opportunity to advance his missionary efforts.

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Become as a Little Child

2010-04-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

My six-year-old son and I were recently headed to his very first basketball practise. He was very excited to get to the practise. I did not know the way to the Elementary school. The address was tricky because the street name and number were correct and I was also in the wrong city. The mainstreet I needed was about eight blocks west of where I was. These two neighboring cities had both grown until they met each other at their common border. As we wandered, looking for the school, I became lost in the curving roads of subdivisions. We left home early to go to the practise so that we would have time to find the unfamiliar Elementary School. We wandered until we had only seven minutes until the practise would begin. As I stopped at a stop sign my son said, "Dad, I think we should say a prayer." I was about to turn right but there was no one behind me and so I cancelled the signal and said that a prayer would be a good idea. I asked my son to offer the prayer. The prayer he offered was simple and sincere, he prayed, "Dear Heavenly Father please help us find the School and make it there without being late." After my son finished his prayer I felt an impression that I should ask someone for directions instead of trying to wander around to find the school. I decided therefore, to turn left instead of right. About five houses down there was a van parked in a driveway with a woman standing near it and talking with the driver. I pulled over to the side of the road, rolled down my window and asked if she knew where this Elementary School was located. Even though it was in another city she said that she did know where it was because she went there as a child. She then gave me excellent instructions of how to get from where we were to where we needed to be. We arrived on time. As we neared the school I said to my son, "We're going to be on time." my son clasped his hands together and said in triumph and exhileration, "I believed that God would answer my prayer."

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Blind Eyes, Empowered by Faith to See: an Explication of John Milton's “[When I consider how my light is spent]”

2010-04-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

[When I consider how my light is spent]
By John Milton

When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
“Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?”
I fondly ask; but patience to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yolk, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly, Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Through the words of his poem “[When I consider how my light is spent,]” John Milton turns the hearts and minds of suffering individuals to God and blesses them with comfort and understanding. Milton wants the words in this poem to continue to accomplish the work of God in the hearts and minds of his future readers. He demonstrates through his poetry and his own life that individuals can achieve strength during times of adversity through a connection with the Lord.
This Sonnet is written in the Italian form in iambic pentameter, following the pattern abba abba cde cde. Milton begins with an octave that raises questions and expresses his concerns. During his life, Milton had a great deal of success. Milton was a wealthy and influential person until a political change caused him to lose all of his property and to be shut up in prison. Milton also slowly lost his eyesight because of a degenerative disease.
Milton begins his poem by saying, “When I consider how my light is spent,” (Line 1) Here Milton alludes to one of the teachings of Jesus Christ. In Matthew 5:14-16, Jesus Christ said, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
“Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light unto all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven” (NKJV). Milton is concerned about his personal ability to share his “light.” Milton departs from the iambic rhythm on the word “consider.” This disruption emphasizes that the things which he is considering, produce pain and disruption in his life.
Milton next writes, “Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide, / And that one talent which is death to hide” (Lines 2 and 3) As we bear in mind that this man was blind, we see the reason he would refer to this as a dark world. Milton seems to be asking himself in this poem how well he is doing in his effort to accomplish the direction of Jesus Christ to let his light shine. When Milton refers to “that one talent which is death to hide,” he references Matthew 25:25-30. A summary of this Bible passage is as follows: A man was afraid because he was a broker and had been entrusted by a rich and powerful investor to use some of the investor’s money to produce a return on the investment. The man was so afraid of losing this money through poor decisions, that he buried the money in the ground until the investor returned. The investor was very angry and pointed out that if he had known that the broker was going to hide the money in the ground he could have given this money instead to a banker and at least received a modest amount of interest instead of nothing. The angry and powerful investor then ordered the broker to be cast into outer darkness, where there would be “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Once again Milton departs from iambic pentameter on the word “one.” This emphasizes his lament about his current state of poverty, blindness, and imprisonment.
Milton continues, “Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent / To serve therewith my Maker, and present / My true account, lest he returning chide; / ‘Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?’” (Lines 4-7) On the word “lodged” Milton again departs from the iambic rhythm and we again feel an indication of feelings of frustration with his isolation and limited ability to share his influence. Milton indicates that he wants to use his resources to serve his maker; however, he says that because of his physical limitation, it is “lodged with him useless.” Milton wants a chance to present his case so that his righteous desires will be taken into account. He succeeds in his effort through this very poem. Milton wants to let his light shine so that the returning investor, the Lord, will not reprove him by asking, “Do you really expect to be paid when you did not share your light?”
Milton then states, “I fondly ask; but patience to prevent” (Line 8) Milton prays for patience so that he can avoid a situation where he must be reproved and punished by God.
This opening octave is followed in the poem by a sestet, (which answers the concerns and questions expressed in the octave.)
Milton writes, “That murmur, soon replies, ‘God doth not need / Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best / Bear his mild yolk, they serve him best. His state.” (Lines 9-11) The voice of the Holy Ghost then answers the murmured prayer of his heart and teaches him that God already has everything he needs to be happy. Those who endure cheerfully through their trials are His best followers. Milton is able to demonstrate, by writing this
poem that he is enduring cheerfully. Milton’s reference to a yoke is clearly referring to another scripture found in the Bible. This scripture is likely to be Matthew 11:28-30. In this passage Jesus Christ says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (NKJV). Milton again emphasizes the word “bear” by departing from the iambic rhythm. Milton shows on this word that it takes great effort to take that yoke upon us even though it is easy once we are coupled with God as a team.
Milton concludes by saying “Is kingly, Thousands at his bidding speed / And post o’er land and ocean without rest: / They also serve who only stand and wait.” (Lines 12-14) Milton indicates in these lines that the Lord is a King and there are thousands of servants who at the command of the Lord, will traverse the entire world and stand ready at their post. Those who patiently endure afflictions and look forward in faith to the second coming of the Lord, though unable to go on a spectacular voyage to a far away land, also serve him by being good examples to others who may suffer in the future. Milton’s message suggests that as we endure affliction without losing hope or faith in God, that we can still serve him, glorify him, and lead others to him as we patiently wait upon the Lord for healing and happiness in a future day.
Milton’s desires have been realized in the opportunity for students to write an explication of his poem after so many years have passed. John Milton continued to wait upon the Lord and thus was a good example and let his light shine. Through his poem, he presents the “true account” of the desires of his heart to serve God despite his limitations.
Milton’s poem is successful, not only in form and beauty, but also in the higher purpose intended by Milton. Through his words Milton turns the hearts and minds of suffering individuals to God and blesses them with comfort and understanding. By letting his light shine forth from out of a dark prison cell, Milton’s words comforted my heart when, two weeks ago, my Father had a massive stroke leaving him paralyzed on his left side. Because Milton was able to see with an eye of faith and share his vision with us, I’ve had the strength to comfort my Father, Who up until two weeks ago was serving as a Christian Bishop. I’ve comforted my father with the beautiful words of Milton, “They also serve who only stand and wait.” We wait upon the Lord and also glorify God today because of the timeless poetic work of John Milton.

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Where is Heaven?

2010-04-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

There is a religious shift in this world away from “traditional authoritarian religion.” Adherents of these new “conglomerate religions” pick and choose from every religion and accept and practice their own customized form of worship. However, this practice can never work for the doctrines or truths concerning the life following this one.
If believers could create their own customized heaven or existence after this life, it could never be truly granted for each member of these conglomerate religions unless the future heaven imagined by one believer did not include those friends and family who had created an entirely different kind of heaven (though their customized beliefs) for themselves. After all, which heaven would be granted and how would God decide which believers would be forced to forever endure a particular heaven so as to complete the expectation that family and friends would be present to provide good company to the individual.
The empty heaven that this system would require would be no heaven at all. The truth about the future heavens that the children of God will inherit, as well as the requirements for those who desire to reach the highest heaven must be consistent and emanate from our universal Father in Heaven. Our live after this one has a definite appointed destination, which is determined by what we do here on this earth. Therefore, it is very important that we find the truth about God and his plan and embrace it fully. It is understandable that Conglomerate religions can indeed be appealing, after all, you can pick and choose which commandments of God you will be required to follow. It is very convenient to leave out the ones that cause you any challenge or difficulty in following. After all, you still have your personal assurance that you will still arrive in your idea of heaven after this life.
Being a member of a specific denomination does not, in and of itself, guarantee that we are not really a member of a conglomerate religious practice. If we incorporate only some of the commandments of God in our lives and then spend the rest of our time worshiping the idols of consumerism and evil pleasure, we are no better off than those who claim no denomination. The key is to find the truth about God and the truth about the way things will be after this life and then to do all things that God has commanded us through the divine help that God can give us in following his ways.

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Regenrative Shaming

2010-04-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Reintegrative Shaming has been a part of Mormonism almost from the beginning. I love when science eventually gets around to showing the gospel of Jesus Christ to be true!
“Reintegrative Shaming . . . works as follows. People central to the criminal’s immediate community – such as family members, employers and co-workers, and friends – are brought into court to state their condemnation of the offender’s behavior. At the same time, these people must accept responsibility for reintegrating the offender back into the community. The goal is to rebuild the social bonds of the individual to the community as a means of deterring future criminal conduct.
“. . . it is a familiar practice in other social institutions such as the family. Think of a child who misbehaves. The parent may express disapproval of the child’s behavior and try to make the child feel ashamed of her conduct, but the parent may also reassure the child that she is a loved member of the family.
“These social bonds could also be fostered to increase the power of shame and reintegrate offenders into local networks of community involvement.”
(Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 68)

I never stop being amazed at the wisdom of the Lord! I am also constantly impressed with the concise way that the Lord presents the truth (Such as in the law of tithing and the word of wisdom.) As we examine the words of the Lord to the prophet Joseph Smith, delivered in 1839, in the Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Section 121 Verses 41 through 43. We find the Lords instruction to his church government for rehabilitating the offenders of his laws, as follows: “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile – Reproving betimes (or immediately) with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee as his enemy;” The disciplinary councils in the Church of Jesus Christ are very effective in this way and have been operating for many decades in this effective way. I do recognize the role of the government in situations where Reintegrative Shaming is not an option because of the lack of contrition, cooperation or willingness to change in the perpetrator of the crime. In these cases, the government is a necessary part of using the less effective and less ideal methods of incarceration and Stigmatizing shaming. Though necessary, these approaches often are the equivalent of sending the offender to “crime school” (Prison) and then trapping them in the cycle of the re-offender as he is unable to find employment because of his criminal record.
In the Church of Jesus Christ, Reintegrative Shaming is the Lord’s program and plan for reaching out in love to those who are accused of breaking the laws of God. Though this is the doctrine and the Ideal it is unfortunately not always realized in practice. Taken as a whole, however, there are many thousand of individuals who are confidentially (aside from their immediate family and closest church leaders) helped through the Lord’s process for becoming permanently free of guilt and shame.
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Doing the Right Thing

2010-04-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

In order to have integrity we must be willing to die for it. To do what is right we must overcome the fear of death, pain and rejection. If I am determined not to steal, will my resolve include even stealing food if I am dying of starvation? In the case of starvation I would need to be more determined to endure pain from starvation even to the point of death if I am to follow through on my moral convictions. As I ponder my decision to refrain from stealing I may ponder the social constraints that stop me from committing this crime. I may reason that society will not think ill of me for my crime because I am also saving a life at the same time.
Imagine that you are the driver in a race and you loose control and spin out on the race track. If you were to regain control one second before impact and were limited to the following three choices, which would you choose? Choice number one would be to turn right and hit the concrete wall and thus destroy your car and die in the process. Choice number two would be to continue straight ahead and hit the end of a metal guard-rail and thus save your own life while destroying your car. Choice number three would be to steer the vehicle left and into the crown of spectators who have gathered to watch the event, thus saving your own life and your car and yet killing six or seven of the fans. What would you decide in the small amount of time that you would have?
Many decisions do not come with adequate time to ponder and reflect on the ethical merits of the decisions. In situations like war, one of the biggest tendencies is to just go through with the directions that you have been given with the excuse that there was not time to think about things because if you did you could have been killed yourself. In times of war indecision can be fatal; yet, is that fact an adequate reason for choosing choice number three from the race car driver example?
When we examine the life of Socrates we see a man who was willing, without question, to die for what he believed in. Socrates did have the luxury of sitting in his jail cell for some time, and then after a night of peaceful sleep to discuss his impending execution and the possibility of escape in a rational way with his friend. However, there were moral principles, values and beliefs at play in the heart of Socrates that had been refined for decades. These moments in life do not build the character of the participants so much as they reveal the character of the participants. This process is described very well in the following poem by Edgar A. Guest:

COURAGE
By Edgar A. Guest
Courage Isn't a brilliant dash,
A daring deed in a moment's flash;
It Isn't an instantaneous thing
Born of despair with a sudden spring;

It Isn't a creature of flickered hope
Or the final tug at a slipping rope;
But it's something deep in the soul of man
That is working always to serve some plan.

Courage Isn't the last resort
In the work of life or the game of sport;
It Isn't a thing that man can call
At some future time when he's apt to fall;

If he hasn't it now, he will have it not
When the strain is great and the pace is hot;
For who would strive for a distant goal
Must always have courage within his soul.

Brutal behavior during war as well as courageous action, demonstrate that the time of preparation in exercising sound and good moral judgment, must be cultivated long before the time of need arises. May God strengthen me in my willingness to die rather than to do evil. I hope that in the future, I will not feel the pressure of time constraints or fall into error because of the terror of experiencing death.
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Think Fast

2010-04-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

During scripture study the other night I said, "See my ring? It is made of gold, and gold is worth a lot of money. What were the Plates made out of that the angel Moroni gave to Joseph Smith?" "Gold!" said my Daughter. "That's right", I said, "And if they were made of Gold they would be worth a lot of money. Do you think people would want to get them? Yes, that is why the Angel Moroni told Joseph Smith to keep them safe."
My Daughter then said, "Jesus could tell him to put them up really, really high so no one could get them."
I said, "That is a good idea. You are very smart."
My Daughter then replied, "That is because I think so fast."
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The Exotic Clothing Rituals of the Snomrom

2010-04-13T14:00:00.000-07:00

By Appreciable Goodfaithpoet

Uniformity seems to play a large role in their cultural traditions. Harmonious interaction is the goal that leads to their code of traditional worship-day dress. The most interesting manifestation of these rituals is to be found in the powerful cultural and social trends which influence the male practitioners. Social norms require each male to purchase an elaborate and expensive costume made of natural fibers which are dyed to a very dark color. A bib-necklace is also worn over the top of this costume or uniform. Some of the most powerful men in the community are the cleansing doctors who are the only ones capable of cleaning these uniforms in the prescribed way. If a male wears a different costume to these religious ceremonies he is noticed and extended special warmth and kindness. However, if this male continues wearing non-traditional garb to the religious services, arrangements are made for a used costume of worship-day finery to be provided at no cost to the visitor.
If these gifts are not accepted, the visitor will be treated with suspicion by the frustrated local leadership of the snomrom. This leadership may consider requesting a meeting with the discordant individual about his choice of apparel. The instructions given to these adherents in their sacred books are that no one should be excluded from attending these ceremonies regardless of the composition of their clothing fibers. However, no man, young or old, is encouraged to participate directly in the work of these rituals unless clothed in the appropriate costume, complete with the colorful bib-necklace.
Who are the American Snomrom and where do they live? To answer this question, simply spell Snomrom backward. That is correct! The culture of which I speak, exists among those who are American Mormons like me. Wearing a suit and tie to church on Sundays, (Clothing that must be dry-cleaned), is a strange tradition from the perspective of many of those who live in different parts of the world. (In the above section, I borrowed heavily from the Ideas of Horace Miner as found in Introduction to Sociology Sixth Edition by Anthony Giddens, et al. pp. 68)
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Sincerely,
-Appreciable Goodfaithpoet